Page 53 of A Part of Me and You
‘I hope I don’t get seasick when we go out on the boat,’ says Rosie, bringing a welcome interruption to my awe at Sarah’s home being where I first stayed and the possibility of her own mother being that very woman who we woke up so late at night. ‘I hope Shelley can come. I bet she’s working though.’
I can’t help but let out a sigh again. ‘Shelley is very popular right now, as are you too after your generosity yesterday,’ I say.
‘Well, that’s not a bad thing to hear at all,’ Sarah responds. ‘I’m delighted to be popular. If only I was as popular with my own children sometimes!’
Teigan looks up at her, totally oblivious to what Sarah is getting at.
‘Look, I know you’ve probably got a hundred and one things to do this morning,’ I say to Sarah, ‘but do you have time for a coffee and a bun across the road? My treat? I’d like to do something to thank you for going to all that trouble yesterday. We really did have such fun, didn’t we Rosie?’
Rosie nibbles at the remainder of her ice cream cone and then responds.
‘It was such fun, yes,’ she says to Sarah. ‘Thank you so much. Dizzy was the cutest horse—’
‘Ever!’ I say at the same time as her and we all have a giggle.
‘Okay, I think we have time for a coffee and a bun,’ says Sarah. ‘Teigan, don’t tell your brother and daddy that we were eating yummy stuff without them when we get home, will you?’
Teigan claps her hands with glee and we cross the road to the little coffee shop where we take our time to marvel at the range of delights on display. Chocolate éclairs bursting with fresh cream, zingy lemon tarts with juicy strawberry toppings, wedges of mint Aero cheesecake and a rainbow of cupcakes dance in front of us and even after tasting a little of Rosie’s whipped ice cream, I can’t resist sampling just a little something from the menu.
‘You only live once so feck the diet,’ I hear Sarah mutter, obviously trying to rid herself of any guilt associated with divulging in so many calories.
‘You’d better believe it,’ I whisper to her and she bursts out laughing at being caught out talking to herself.
‘We women really are hard on ourselves when it comes to treats, aren’t we?’ she says.
‘Everything in moderation,’ I say to Sarah and she perks up at my thinking. ‘Go for what you fancy, go on, and don’t even think about it again except for how much you enjoyed it.’
I choose a hazelnut latte with lemon tart and Sarah has an americano with an éclair, while the girls slurp on milkshakes and carry cupcakes outside to the little terrace, to one of its dainty metal tables on which there is barely enough room to hold all of our treats.
‘Teigan, shall we move over to the next table on our own?’ asks Rosie. ‘You can tell me all about your party and what it’s like going out on the boat because I’ve never been before, and you can also tell me all about that little rascal Dizzy. I really loved meeting him yesterday.’
‘Oh, that’s a wonderful idea,’ says Sarah as she helps them set up on the next table and they settle down with their treats. ‘Teigan has been out sailing lots with her dad so she knows lots of tips and also how not to get seasick. Don’t forget to tell Rosie how important it is to wear a life jacket, won’t you Teigan?’
Teigan looks thrilled to bits to be given such a responsible task and I am so proud of Rosie for taking the little girl under her wing and including her in the conversation. She was always so good with little ones and I just know she would have loved a younger sister or brother, someone to share her life with, someone to call on unconditionally – someone like I have in Helen. Yes, she has her cousins, Helen’s boys, but it’s not the same. They are a tight unit of five in that family and I really don’t know if Rosie will fit in when she goes to live with them. Maybe she’d be better off with my mum and dad, though with Mum’s own health worries and they aren’t getting any younger … oh, I can’t bear to think of that now.
‘What a delightful young daughter you have there, Juliette,’ Sarah says to me and I sit up a little straighter at the compliment. ‘It’s so kind and thoughtful of her to include Teigan and make her feel like a big girl. She’s a special young lady, for sure. Shelley told me she was and I can already see why.’
‘She really is,’ I reply. I can’t help but agree. ‘I may be totally biased, but she’s a real ray of sunshine in my life. I can’t even imagine what I would have done had she not come along, and believe me, I had lots of plans that didn’t involve having children. Isn’t it strange how life takes you in such different directions sometimes, yet it always works out to teach you something or make you a better, stronger person?’
We tuck into our sweet delights and Sarah looks surprised to hear this.
‘Were children not in your plans, then?’ she asks. ‘I have to admit when I got pregnant with Toby, my youngest, the shock nearly killed me and I still can’t figure out how it happened but I wouldn’t change it now for the world, of course.’
‘I didn’t plan to have one on my own,’ I clarify. ‘It’s not that I’d said I would never have children at all, I just hadn’t planned that far ahead I suppose. Life threw me a big challenge and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, but sometimes we only realize these things when we have to sit back and reflect on where we are, where we thought we’d be and how we got here.’
I hope I’m not being too deep and meaningful but I think Sarah is still interested in what I have to say.
‘Yes, life certainly does take us in all sorts of directions,’ she agrees with me. ‘Even when it comes to relationships, yes? Like, when we are young and in love with being in love, we really do believe it will last forever, or when we make friends we think they will be friends for life and it doesn’t always work out that way, but if someone told you that at the time, you’d never believe them.’
‘Exactly.’
We sip our coffees and a few seconds of silence follow. I can’t help but envy her as I notice her glance over at her daughter who is chatting away to Rosie without a care in the world. How I wish that Rosie was secure in her life like that with a healthy mum, a little brother and a loving dad to go home to every day. Horse-riding on the beach, shopping with her mum, planning birthday parties … I lose my breath a little in self-pity and try to realize that none of this is Sarah’s fault. Everyone has their own cross to bear, as my grandmother used to say.
‘I do look back and cringe at some of the boys and men I thought I would spend the rest of my life with,’ says Sarah with a smile. ‘And then after searching the whole of Ireland and beyond, I ended up marrying my next-door neighbour and I couldn’t be happier. I didn’t see that one coming!’
She couldn’t be happier … stop it, Juliette. Stop. Maybe some people do have life a lot easier. Maybe I’m just being bitter and jealous because it’s not working out for me. We can’t all find love and happily ever after with the boy next door, can we?
I happened to go a bit further afield to marry, but I don’t want to share that part of my life right now with Sarah. I went to Cornwall to be precise and the pain of how it all turned out so wrong chokes me up and I can’t even bring myself to talk of my own husband to this lovely lady.
