Page 45 of A Part of Me and You
I can feel my shoulders straighten with pride as I introduce Sarah properly to Juliette and, of course, to Rosie who has eyes only for what is in the back of the horse box. Even poor Merlin, who I hold on a lead has to take a back seat to this excitement. There is a cool, light breeze in the air which is perfect riding weather and I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins at the thought of whisking along the coastline and letting the sea air blow my troubles away.
I was right about my friends rising to the challenge of making this happen for Rosie. It took just one quick call to Sarah who was only too glad to take time out of her own busy schedule and arrange for the horses and all the gear we’re going to need here. Life in a small community can nourish you and prop you up when the chips are down and until now I have chosen to see only the other side of it; I have focused on the gossips, on the claustrophobic stares, on the smothering whispers from the shadows but from now on I choose to see the good in people and I feel much better for it already. I want to make this holiday as magical I can for Juliette and Rosie and I feel enriched that I can lean on my neighbours to make it happen.
‘How long are you here for?’ Sarah asks Juliette. It must be the most common ice breaker in the world when we meet a tourist or visitor.
‘Seven days in total,’ says Juliette. She looks tired today, a little darker under the eyes than she was when she first came into my shop on Saturday. ‘I can’t believe it’s Monday already and we still have so much to do!’
‘Well, if you need any advice or tips on what to do raound here when it rains, and it does rain here a lot, don’t be afraid to call on me. I’m a born and bred Killarian, through and through.’
And Sarah is telling the truth. She is warm and friendly and spends most of her life outdoors, be it trekking with her ponies around the winding roads, or camping out with her kids under the stars, or spending time out on the sea with her husband, Tom. I take an inward breath, remembering the Skipper connection and how much she would know about him should Juliette wish to ask but I bite my tongue for now. It’s not my place to bring it up and besides, this excursion is all about Rosie.
‘You all set?’ I ask her and her glowing cheeks and wide grin means she doesn’t have to answer.
‘You’re a superstar for arranging this,’ says Juliette, expertly taking Merlin’s lead to allow me to help get the horses sorted. ‘You are way ahead of me right now on brownie points with my daughter.’
My heart aches for her. It isn’t a competition, I want to say to her, but I can tell that she is slightly pinched at how she can’t get stuck in and do something as simple as horse-riding with her daughter. Once again, Juliette and I are on parallel levels of emotion as I think of how easily this would have become a way of life for me and Lily. We would have spent most of our time on this beach and probably taken it for granted. Knowing now what I do, and seeing Juliette long for more time with her daughter, I will never take anything in this life for granted again.
‘I haven’t done this in a few years,’ I say to Juliette, trying to make her feel better, ‘so I’ll probably not live up to Rosie’s expectations, but it’s all just a bit of fun. Now, Rosie, which of these two fine beasts do you fancy?’
We all take a moment to admire Sarah’s horses who, next to her children, are her ultimate pride and joy.
‘This is Neptune,’ says Sarah, stroking the nose of her shiny brown mare who she has had for as long as I have known her. ‘And this rascal is Dizzy. I think you’ll like him, Rosie. He’s full of fun and he much prefers young people to us oldies.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ I joke with Sarah and she shoots me a glance that is full of hope. To just be here, standing on the beach with her and my new friends, and to be doing something as simple as making conversation is so refreshing, yet something I have avoided doing. I feel once again the security of friendship, like someone outside of my little bubble has got my back. The power of a smile, the warmth of a hug, the comfort in a familiar voice. I have numbed myself to try and avoid any more pain but just by being here, I can feel a tiny, tiny flutter of hope as a spark of life is ignited from deep within. Why have I been punishing myself for so long when all I needed to do was accept the hand of friendship? Instead I’ve been hiding away, curled up in a world of darkness though it wasn’t what I deserved. I see light and hope by just reaching out and seeing the good in human nature and acknowledging that kindness does exist if we find the right people and look in the right places.
‘Dizzy, it is for me, please,’ says Rosie. ‘You’re a fine fellow, you are, Dizzy! And you are lovely too, Neptune, but I agree with Sarah that Shelley is more your type.’
‘I’m glad I’m not having to choose,’ says Juliette. ‘With me being even older than you, Shelley, I definitely wouldn’t be in Dizzy’s club at my age.’
‘Mum just turned forty,’ says Rosie to Sarah as if it’s the funniest thing ever. ‘She’s ancient.’
Sarah and I give a playful laugh as Juliette rolls her eyes to the heavens.
‘Thank goodness with age I have also developed a thick skin,’ she says.
‘You’re only a young thing,’ says Sarah. ‘Forty is the new thirty, isn’t that what they say? You’ve your whole life ahead of you still.’
Rosie looks at me and then her mum and for a second no one really knows what to say. It’s not Sarah’s fault. She doesn’t know what’s going on with Juliette or why she’s here. I try to change the subject quickly.
‘Are you sure you won’t give this a go?’ I ask Juliette. ‘Neptune is a very gentle pony and Sarah could walk alongside you both? I can have a go after you. What do you think?’
Juliette grips Merlin’s lead a little tighter and shakes her head at the very idea.
‘Come on, Mum! I bet you’ll love it. Just try it out and if you don’t like it then that’s okay. Do it!’
‘I’m wearing sandals and shorts,’ Juliette says with a shrug but Sarah has an answer to that.
‘I have boots and jodphurs in the boot of my car,’ she announces. ‘What size boots do you wear? Five?’
Juliette nods, her eyes widening in fear as she looks upon Neptune who stands in wait.
‘I’d need about a size twelve in trousers though. Oh, I’m not sure about this at all. I was only coming along to watch you experts at work. I’ve never been on a horse in my life!’
‘Well, today is a good day to start,’ I say. ‘What do you think? Come on! You can do this! If I can do it so can you!’
Juliette’s face breaks into a smile.
‘You know what, sod it,’ she says. ‘Why not? I’ll give it a go for the laugh. No time like the present and all that.’
