Page 34 of Safe
And then there was Alex.
My best friend. My brother in all but blood.
Shit, Alex is going to kill me.
This was the same guy who'd lectured me about wearing boxers around his sister. What we'd just done was so far beyond that line, it was in another time zone.
I may as well get this over with and take the brunt of it so Danielle doesn’t have to.
I pulled out my phone, staring at Alex's contact info. My thumb hovered over the call button, but I couldn't bring myself to press it.
Coward.
How do you tell your best friend you just crossed every conceivable boundary with his sister? The same sister he'd trusted you to protect, not fall for. The same sister who was still healing, still vulnerable.
I opted for the coward's way out and opened a text message instead, though even typing the words felt like signing my own death warrant.
I kissed her. I’m sorry.
It felt like hours before he answered. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t text me back. He called. I walked out onto the deck and slid the door shut before I answered. I didn’t even get a chance to say hello.
“You had, literally, one fucking job,” Alex yelled into the phone. “This is NOT what I hired you to do. I hired you to keep her safe. That’s my fucking sister, Cody!”
“Alex, calm down and answer me one fucking question before you fly off the handle, okay?”
“It better be a god damn good question.”
“In the ten years that you’ve known me, have you EVER seen me with a girl since Riley, in any way, shape, or form? Have I ever brought one home?”
He didn’t answer right away, so I took the opportunity to say as much as I could.
“I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I sent you that text knowing damn well there’s a high probability of you killing me the second you see me. I didn’t go any further than that, okay? I stopped it.”
“Oh, so you fucking came on to her?!” Alex was getting louder and more irate with every question he asked me.
“No, I mean she… I…look, it happened. We both got caught up in a thing, I don’t know, dude. I’m sorry.”
“I’m still pissed,” he said in a far calmer, yet still livid, tone, “but you’re right. You’ve never done anything to make me believe you would take advantage of her or hurt her. Justdon’tfucking do it again.”
He hung up before I could say anything else to him. At this point, I was just hoping he didn’t say anything about it to Danielle. The last thing I needed was her thinking I was going to run and tell Alex everything, especially when she already felt like he was overbearing. A few minutes later, Danielle came out on the deck and sat down next to me.
“Is it me?” she asked, looking at me, almost unsettled by what had just happened.
“Danielle, no. God no, it’s not you.” I felt like an absolute dick. She let her guard down and went after what she wanted,and I shut her down. And for what? Because I can’t get over my own bullshit? Because I built a wall to keep out someone who didn’t deserve it, for someone who wasn’t here anymore? She was waiting for some kind of explanation; one I didn’t know how to give.
“It’s… just things I can’t get over in my own head. It’s not you.”
Danielle looked like she was holding back tears, which made me feel even worse. I was trying not to hurt myself, and in turn, I hurt her.
“Riley?” She answered the question for herself, as if she didn’t want to hear it come from me.
A long sigh escaped as I contemplated the next words to come out of my mouth.
“Partially, yes. But it’s far more complicated than that.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell her everything yet. I couldn’t tell her the real reason Riley was gone. I couldn’t tell her I’ve spent years refusing to accept that it wasn’t my fault, pushing everyone away who tried to get close to me. And I certainly couldn’t tell her that I was holding back on her—holding back the feelings I was having and trying to figure out how the fuck to navigate her.
“I’mhere,Cody. I’m not goinganywhere.But you know what? I don’t think I was ready for that either.” Her eyes softened, no longer worried that she had done something wrong, but with understanding. “The patience you’ve had with me, I can have with you. So, let’s just pretend today never happened.”
I smiled at her. She smiled back, letting relief grace her face.
