Page 77 of Fair Play
“Then you need to figure it out.”
“It hasn’t even been two months.”
“Please.” She waves an impatient hand. “When you know, you know. You don’t immediately have to get engaged or married, but youknow. I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her. Not even on your wedding days.”
Ouch.
Another pang of guilt. Because I was infatuated with both of my wives, but in retrospect, I wasn’tin lovewith either of them.
“You don’t have to tell me, but once you have the answers to those questions—about your feelings and whether or not you can see yourself with her long-term—you’ll find it fairly easy to resolve all the issues.”
“It’s way more complicated than that.”
“It’s not. If you love her, and she loves you, then it’s simple. You go to Bodi, man to man, sit him down and say, ‘I love your sister and I’m going to take care of her.’ In whatever way you and Billie decide.”
“Mom, she needs to be here. She’s got this awesome opportunity.” I explain about Nita and the diner franchise. “On top of that, in the grand scheme of life, I don’t have a pot to piss in. What do I have to offer a woman like her?”
“You’re smart, strong, and hard-working. Believe it or not, there will be life after hockey. You can coach, work in the back office of a team, become a scout or whatever they’re called. You could use your degree to go into teaching or a position that will allow you to coach at a high school or college level. There are a zillion options for you.”
“She’s young.”
“Does her age bother you?”
“Not in general, but…” I huff out a breath. “She’stwenty-two. I don’t think she wants kids now, but what about in ten years? I’ll be in my mid-forties.”
“So? What does that have to do with anything? You’ll still be strong and in good health. And don’t give me any of that ‘you don’t know that for sure’ shit. Of course not. We could get hit by a bus tomorrow too. We’re not talking about the random things that happen. Just life in general. You’ll be a great dad if you decide to go that route.”
Why does she have a reasonable answer to everything? I really thought she’d be trying to talk meoutof dating Billie.
Of course, there’s one last issue that’s pretty insurmountable in my book.
“I don’t want to stay in L.A.”
There.
I said it.
Not to Billie, who’s the one I should be having this conversation with, but at least to someone.
“I see.” Mom turns away again, pulling out another cookie sheet. “Well, that’s something only you and Billie can decide. Is she not willing to move?”
“I just told you about the diner opportunity.”
“And you’re not willing to stay? Even for a few years, while she gets her career going?”
I hesitate. That’s an option I hadn’t considered. Now I’m a little frustrated and a lot more confused. “I don’t know. You know how I feel about it here.”
She shrugs. “You’ve always run away from your feelings, Rome. It’s not about Los Angeles, per se, it’s about our relationship. Missing your father. The two failed marriages and associated bad behavior that makes you feel like you aren’t worthy of love.”
“Jesus, Ma.” I groan.
My mother rarely gets that deep when we talk, so it’s unusual for her to say something so insightful.
Especially when she’s right.
“I know. You don’t like when I butt in, but you came to me today.” She pauses and fixes one of those motherly gazes on me that still makes me squirm. Just a little.
“I did, and I do want to hear your thoughts. Because my own are a jumbled mess.”
