Page 9 of Sugarplum Dreams
“Well, I don’t want to sound pompous and arrogant, but I’d feel like I’m doing a good deed, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory or I’m putting you down kind of way. It’s just… This is an opportunity to help, I want to capitalize on that.”
She stared at him. Really? He just saw an opportunity to help, so he offered marriage? Who does that?
“Forgive me if that doesn’t sound the slightest bit believable,” she finally murmured, ignoring the fact that Lavinia was back in the room asking for playdough again. And Banks was back in telling her that the bleeding had stopped. Even though she told him to stay on the seat and not get up. She’d given him crayons and paper, although neither one of her boys were much into coloring.
She took a breath, trying to drown out the chaos and think. She had to make a decision. Or did she?
“How soon do you need an answer?” she asked, all the while her brain was smacking her up alongside the head telling her to just say yes already. It wasn’t like she was expecting a better offer anytime soon.
His brows went up like he wasn’t expecting that, and then he lifted his shoulder. “I guess it doesn’t matter. I suppose I was thinking we would be married by Christmas, but it’s totally up to you. I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want. But if we’re going to do it, I don’t see any point in waiting.” He kind of grimaced. “I know that’s not very romantic. That’s the thing that bothered me more than anything. It’s more like a business proposition than anything else.”
“I don’t want romance.”
He nodded like he was expecting her to say that.
She laughed a little. “I suppose after what my husband did to me, you can understand that. He was romantic, we dated like every other American couple, and yet still, it wasn’t enough to keep him here. I’m not interested in that kind of relationship again. I want something that’s going to stand. And matters of the heart don’t seem to get you very far when you’re trying to stick.”
She didn’t know if she explained that very well, but he seemed to understand.
“I’ve watched people get married, and they get divorced. I guess my sister is one of those people. And I’m not sure that I agree that all those feelings are necessary or indicative of whether or not you’re going to stay together. You can feel a feeling as strong as it can be, and yet your marriage doesn’t last. I don’t want a marriage like that. And I suppose when I came here asking, I thought you were the kind of person who was going to stick no matter what. That’s what I was looking for more than anything.”
She blinked at him. She’d never heard anyone say anything like that before. But he was right. She remembered when hissister Isadora had fallen head over heels in love with the man she eventually married. They had been infatuated to the point of saturation. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen two people more “in love.” And yet… That marriage didn’t last. It must not matter how in love a person was, just like Wilson had said. Why hadn’t she figured that out?
Of course, it was too late for her. She’d been married before Isadora. So she couldn’t have learned anything from that, except…she could learn now? She could put it to use in this situation.
Wilson was an upright man with a great reputation in town. She’d never heard anything bad about him, although it wasn’t like she knew him intimately.
“I have to say I agree,” she said, realizing it was her turn to talk.
He lifted his shoulder and shrugged a little bit. “I don’t mean to not be romantic. But I guess I think that the romance should come after the marriage. Is that crazy?”
“Maybe a little. I think that part of the idea of being able to convince a woman to marry you is to show her how you’re going to treat her after you marry her.” He didn’t need to say anything, because she continued, “So many times, I think a man exhausts his ability to be romantic before the marriage and then after the marriage forgets that was the point.”
“Yeah, it’s almost like I got her, now I can ignore her. Or maybe you get tired of each other, I’m not sure.”
“I guess you could speculate about it all day, but I think it just comes down to two people committing to each other and determining to follow through, no matter what happens.”
“And then you have to put guards up around yourself so that you’re not tempted away from what you have committed to,” she said, believing that with her whole heart. It was a matter of making sure that you didn’t cross any lines, and a lot of times,the way to keep from crossing lines was to stay far, far away from the lines.
“I suppose you’re talking from experience?” he said, picking Evans up who was clamoring at his knee, and bouncing him there.
Charity had put her arm around Lavinia who had come back out to the kitchen, probably just wanting attention, although it was almost time for lunch. She needed to get the place cleaned up, make sure Banks wasn’t still bleeding, and feed her children. Evans and Serafina and Lavinia would all go down for naps.
She could take a nap too. Banks had just turned five and wasn’t in kindergarten yet, and Gifford didn’t have school until the new year. She remembered as a child looking forward to Christmas break, but as a mom and adult, she wouldn’t mind if the kids only had Christmas and maybe a half a day off for Christmas Eve. They could even go to school on New Year’s. It wouldn’t bother her at all. Except… She wanted to enjoy her children. And Wilson was offering her a way to possibly do that. She wouldn’t be pressed for money and time. Although, she wasn’t so naïve as to believe that all of her problems would be solved.
“You see how chaotic it is here. You do realize that it’s like this pretty much every day, right? I mean, I don’t always have blood on my hands and broken glass on the floor, but normally there is crying and fighting and fussing and whining and whimpering and all that, all day long.” As much as she would like to just accept his offer and jump in before he understood exactly what he was getting himself into, she didn’t want to go through another man leaving her. It had been almost more than she could bear. It wasn’t even that she was so much in love with Clancy, as much as his rejection had leveled her. It had cut her in places that she hadn’t even realized he could hurt. Deep down into her soul. And then, to try to get back up and stand on herown feet with her children around her, asking where Daddy had gone, and with Gifford suggesting that it was her fault…no. She didn’t want to do that again.
She needed to make sure he was informed.
“You do realize that I grew up in a family of six siblings, right? I have an idea of what it’s like to be in a big family.”
“You probably don’t have a lot of memories of what things were like when you were a toddler. And how difficult it was for your parents.”
“No. I understand it is not going to be easy. I’m not trying to waltz in here and pretend that it’s going to be. I think you’re too smart for that, and I’m not that dumb.”
“I didn’t mean to insinuate that you were stupid.”
“I didn’t think you were. I just understand that it’s not all going to be peaches and roses.”
