Page 57 of The Restoration Program
Neither of them took her up on that, but it didn’t seem to dampen her decidedly lightened spirits. Holly wandered off in search of any takers, but Burman called the meeting to order and requested that everyone find their seats.
Nicole took her place in front of Ryan, who rested his hand right beside her chair. She let her arm hang, fingers brushing along the top of his thumb before he took her hand in a gentle grip. She took silent attendance of the others around the table. To her disappointment, there were no new members, which meant the spotlight of being the newest couple was still aimed firmly at her and Ryan.
“You two seem to be adjusting in leaps and bounds,” Dr. Burman said following the welcome. “Nicole, Ryan mentioned to me as we were settling in that you two had a trial visit at his office yesterday. Do you want to share with us how that was for you?”
Look up every synonym for “hellacious” and you may begin to get the picture, Doc.
“It… it was awesome. Getting out of the apartment and all. Ryan and I can’t seem to get sick of each other,” she said.
A soft cough came from across the circle. Carlos was giving her a pointed look. She could practically hear him hissing in her ear:Out with it, chica.
Thankfully, no one else seemed to read into it. Nicole’s breathing tightened all the same. Her hand grew clammy within Ryan’s gentle grip.
“I mean, I guess there were a few challenges throughout the day,” she continued.“But we knew that was a probability.”
Dr. Burman’s measured paces brought him close to her. “What kind of challenges?”
Ryan cleared his throat behind her when she hesitated. “They don’t know what to think of her yet, but they’ll come around. They just need time to adjust.”
Nicole frowned. “No, it was more than that. It was—” She stopped herself short, catching a glimpse of Ryan’s surprise. She had to look away, throat tight.
He was the reason she was in this fucked up position in the first place. And he was still the only one who could make it the least bit tolerable.
“It’s alright,” Dr. Burman crooned as though he could see the indecision waging in her eyes. “If you feel comfortable, Nicole, please go on. When you share authentically, you help all of us.”
Nicole lifted her head and looked past Burman across the circle. The words surfaced when she locked eyes with Carlos. She pretended just the two of them were there, catching up at the drink station.
She told them everything—except for how she had cried into Ryan’s chest for an hour and a half when they’d gone home.
“Even when people were decent, it wasn’t the same,” she said. “Nothing can exist without pity now, not even a fucking smile. Even the fucking secretary looked at me like I was just nothuman. Barely there. Like I’m somethinglessnow. And fuck, sometimes, I believe it too.”
Carlos gave her a crooked smile, his dark eyes awash with pain.Herpain. Weight cascaded from her shoulders. He understood. No bullshit. No pity.
“It’s never easy, bearing the weight of others’ judgments,” Dr. Burman said. “It wasn’t easy for me, even before the restoration, I’ll admit.” He addressed both her and the other NüPrints as he often did when he latched onto a universal point. A few of the human partners nodded as he spoke—as if they truly had any idea.
“It’s important to know without a shred of doubt that you are, in fact, still entirely human. Same heart, same blood, same hands. It’s only your packaging that’s abnormal.” He slipped his hands into his khaki pockets and smiled.
“Does it really matter if no one else knows it?” Nicole asked sharply.
Dr. Burman looked back at her, but before he could speak, Ryan’s hand jumped onto her lap like a loyal hound who could sense its owner was unhappy. He tried to turn her face up to him.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Ryan said.
Nicole pulled out of his reach, muttering for him to stop, because the situationwasn’t okayand he knew it.
Everyone was looking.
“Relax,” Carlos called over. “She’s just getting some of this shit off her chest.”
“I‘m talking toher,”Ryan said with an iciness that made Nicole stiffen in her seat.
Nervousness flickered over Carlos’ face, but he pressed on. “This is a support group, isn’t it? Well, this is part of the deal. Just let her talk, man.”
“Nicole,” Burman interjected. “Is there anything else you want to say?”
Everyone waited. She shook her head.
“That’s it,” she croaked, staring at her knees. “I already said it all.”
