Page 35 of Long Past Dawn
“Yes,” he whispered as he trailed his finger down my cheek. “Ba—but I could say the same thing about you.”
“Right or wrong,” I agreed. “I just want to stop feeling alone when surrounded by people. I want to stop feeling like the weight of everything around us is on my shoulders. I know it is to a degree, but I guess what I’m saying is, I want to start enjoying life again. The problem is, I’ve spent so long not enjoying life but pretending that I was, that I don’t know how to stop. God, I’ve had too much wine. I sound like an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot, Dawn Lee. I know what you’re trying to say, so let me teach you,” Beau whispered, his lips coming down to tease mine into a frenzy again. He tasted of sweet wine, and the sensation of his tongue stroking mine was overwhelming.
I wanted to learn from him. I wanted to absorb everything Beau had to teach me, but something told me he had just as much to learn. He needed me as much as I needed him. Our strengths complemented each other’s weaknesses. We could find commonality in that if nothing else.
My head fell back against the pillows, and he followed me down, his warm body laying across me gently to share his warmth. His tongue stroked mine into overdrive while I moaned softly, the darkness of the night swallowing it like a secret held nowhere but this pasture. His hands buried themselves in the hair at the top of my head, and it was his turn to moan. His lips came off mine long enough to hold my gaze. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that. The sensation of your hair running through my fingers while I kissed you was more than I even dared to dream about.”
“You’ve always wanted to run your hands through my hair?” I asked, my fingers finding their way into his soft locks, too.
“It’s tortured me for years,” he growled, then his lips were back on mine. His fingers tightened against my locks, holding me in the place he wanted so he could kiss and suck my tongue into submission. He wanted me. The hardness pressed against my thigh was tangible evidence of that. I raised my thigh and pushed back against his bulging zipper, his moan so loud I swore they’d hear it in town.
His hand slid from my hair and trailed down my side to cup the outside of my breast. He pulled my lower lip through his teeth and tugged gently before releasing it. “We have to stop, Dawn,” he moaned, his thumb still stroking the outside of my breast. “If we don’t stop, I’m not going to be able to. I don’t want to ruin what we have going on here.”
I took his face in my hands and held his gaze. “Why would you ruin it? Are you that bad at taking a roll in the hay?”
Beau barked with laughter and rested his forehead on mine to suck in a breath. “I don’t think so. At least I don’t think I would be if I were rolling in the hay with you. The truth is, I don’t want to ruin what we could be by jumping the gun too early.”
“We’ve known each other for five years, Beau.”
“Are you trying to talk me into this?” he asked jokingly.
I was shaking my head before he finished the question. “I wouldn’t try to talk anyone into sleeping with me. That’s just rude to say.” I pushed at his chest so I could get up, but he wouldn’t budge.
“I didn't mean it like that. You have to be able to feel how much I want you, Dawn.”
“I can, and that’s why I’m confused. I've wanted you for years, Beau.”
His lips found mine again as his finger trailed down my cheek.“I wish I hadn't waited years to kiss you.”
“Why the hesitation then? Am I a terrible kisser?”
Beau lifted his head from where he was kissing his way along my collarbone. “No, you aren’t a terrible kisser. I lose myself in your kiss every time our lips connect. I'm afraid to hurt you, though. We aren’t exactly on a cushy mattress at the Hilton.”
I stroked his cheek with my finger, the bristle of his five o'clock shadow rough against my skin. “I don't need the Hilton. I just need you.” He opened his mouth, but I put my finger to his lips. “Beau, you won't hurt me, but if you'd rather wait, then put that fire out and take me home. There's a comfy mattress waiting there.”
He growled and attacked my lips, his hand working his way under my shirt to caress my breast through my bra.
“As God as my witness, Dawn, if I have you once, eternity will never be long enough.”
I lifted a brow in the air. “Prove it.”
Before I blinked, he had my shirt gone. He knelt between my legs, his finger bumping across my ribs, a frown on his lips. “Dawn, this ain’t right. This ain’t right at all. I shouldn’t be able to count your ribs, baby. I’m scared for you.”
I held his hand against my side to stop his fingers from running up and down my ribs. I loved the sensation, but he would have to stop if I were going to form a sentence. I pulled the blanket up to cover myself and stared up at the star-filled sky.
“It’s okay, Beau. Let’s just go home,” I whispered. “This was a mistake.”
And I knew it would be. I knew once Beau saw all the parts of my body that I could hide with my clothes, he’d realize I wasn’t as attractive as he’d made me out to be in his mind. It still hurt to live through the agonizing moments of rejection for something outside of my control.
Beau lowered himself to the blanket and stretched out the length of me. His nose was almost touching mine when he spoke. “Dawn, I don’t ra—ra—member saying this was a mistake. I can be wa—worried about you,” he paused and cleared his throat while his fingers pulled the blanket back down so he could stroke my side. “And still want to be with you. You are glorious in the firelight, don’t ever mistake my concern for my desire.”
He started kissing his way down my chest and along the ridge of each breast. His tongue dipped into the center, and he inhaled deeply through his nose before he nipped at the swell of my breasts. “Do you see the difference now?”
I squeaked from surprise but thrust my chest into the air. “I think so,” I said on a moan that fell from my lips.
He tenderly grasped my face and tipped it to face him in the firelight. “I don’t want to hurt you, but now, I’m worried I will. You have to be honest with me as we go, okay? As long as you do that, no mistakes will be made.”
