Page 41 of Long Past Dawn
“I have to say, Dawn Lee, you are an expert at diversion, but you still haven’t answered my opening question of what are you crying about.”
I blew out a breath and stared at the open barn door and the pasture beyond. You could just make out the herd of bison grazing on the pasture grass, their giant, brown bodies swaying as they walked. The animals were majestic creatures from yesteryear that Blaze and Beau worked to corral. I couldn’t say they raised them because you don’t raise a wild animal as much as you contain them. They might be majestic, but they were also dangerous and deadly when they didn’t want to be controlled.
“I’m just confused.” I side-eyed her and could see that Beau hadn’t told her why she needed to check on me. “He kind of told me he loved me. I think? I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t say anything back. Now, I don’t know if that was the right way or the wrong way to react.”
Heaven cocked her head. “How did he kind of tell you he loves you? Either he did, or he didn’t.”
I laughed then, shaking my head at the woman next to me. “You don’t know Beau Hanson very well if you think that’s true. He’s the master at always halfway committing to people. I understand why, but it’s hard to know where to walk through that landmine sometimes.”
“His mother’s death messed him up as a kid.”
I nodded and shrugged. “Rightly so. Considering today’s date, Beau’s even more unsettled. That’s not his fault, and I understand why he’s feeling this way. I was trying to distract him from it earlier and offer him a short moment in time when it didn’t consume his thoughts, but I just made it worse.”
“What did he say exactly? It had to have been in just the last couple of hours.”
My cheeks flushed pink, and I swallowed, embarrassed to have to tell her exactly how it happened. When I finished the story, she was nodding her head while biting her lip.
“I agree, that’s awkward. Throwing the wordthinkin there makes you wonder if he said it in the ecstasy of the moment or if he was saying a commonly used teasing phrase.”
I held my hand out to her in anI knowmotion. “Which is why I didn’t say anything back. I think Beau saw the tears welling in my eyes, though. I wasn’t upset or anything. I was confused and didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t want to screw up whatever this was between us. If I said I know I love you, and he was teasing about thinking he loved me, then I blew the whole thing, you know?”
Heaven put her arm around me and hugged me to her side. “I do know. It’s a hard road to walk with Beau sometimes. He’s worth it, though. Even when he breaks your heart and makes you cry, you’re making progress. You’re making him feel things again that he has kept tucked away for a lot of years. I would imagine that has to terrify him.”
I nodded, wiping the rest of the tears from my eyes. “I know, which is why I’m not upset that Beau said it. I’m not even upset, truth be told. I know I’m crying, but not out of anger or being hurt. I’m just—I don’t know.”
Heaven rubbed my back and winked, her lips wearing a smile again. “You’re crying out of frustration, which is an earned feeling. Especially since you know you love him, right? You don’t even have to think about it?”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Mostly that.”
“And you know what you have to do, and that’s making this even harder.”
I nodded, rubbing the sore finger on my left hand. “I can’t push Beau. I know that. I can’t make him feel something he doesn’t.”
“I don’t think it’s that, Dawn. He’s feeling it. What you can’t make him do is verbalize it until he’s ready. It’s hard. Blaze was the same way. It was for different reasons, but the result was the same,” she explained with wistfulness in her voice.
“Patience,” I said, sitting up and stretching out my back. “I have to be patient with him, and I am, when we’re together. I let myself feel everything else when he’s not here.”
“I’m proud of you, Dawn. You’re taking a hard situation for him and making it a little bit easier. I think tomorrow when he can see that there is a future past this big anniversary today, the turmoil inside him will ease a little bit.”
I nodded and stood, grabbing her hand, and pulling her up off the hay bale, too. “I know that’s true, and I’m holding onto it with determination. Beau invited me to dinner tonight, so that’s a start, right?”
Heaven held up until I turned back to her. “He did? That’s great! That means he’s not afraid to introduce you to Ash and Amity!”
I made the so-so hand in the spring sunshine as we walked out of the barn. “Part of that is true. The other part is that I don’t know how he’s going to introduce me, and that makes me nervous.”
Heaven looked me up and down and then checked her watch. “We have an hour before I need to be back at the ranch. Follow me. I have a plan that will guarantee he won’t have a problem introducing you to them as more than a friend.”
This time, she took my hand and dragged me back into the house, our laughter echoing through the hills of Bison Ridge.
Eleven
“Almost ready?” I called down the hallway toward Dawn’s room. I didn’t want to be late for dinner, but when I arrived to change my clothes, she wasn’t ready yet.
“Just putting my boots on,” she called back. “I’ll meet you in the living room.”
I grabbed her coat off the rack by the door and paced around the room. When Ash and Amity arrived a few hours ago, I spent time visiting with them before dinner. It felt good to hug Amity and shake Ash’s hand after so many years. That didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous about dinner. I had no idea how I was going to introduce Dawn to them. Was she a friend? Was she my girlfriend? Was she a friend with benefits? I had no idea what the correct answer was. To be honest, any of them could be the wrong one in her eyes. I could ask Dawn how she wanted to be introduced, but that forced a conversation I wasn’t ready to have. What if she wanted more or less out of the relationship than I did? Then what would I say?
My mind’s eye went back to those tears in her eyes earlier today. I could blow this whole thing up if I picked the wrong title when I introduced her. Maybe she would introduce herself if I were lucky. Yes, that was an easy out. We’d arrive at the ranch, and I’d have to grab something from the workshop, sending her in to meet the folks without me.
