Page 30 of Long Past Dawn
I set my hat down on the tailgate and leaned over, curling my fingers around the edge of it. “This ain’t about Heaven.”
“I know,” he said, nodding as he leaned over his thighs with his forearms. “It’s about you, and that’s okay.”
“That’s okay?” I asked, surprised that he led with that.
“You only live once, Beau. Sometimes you have to choose yourself, and that’s okay.”
I ran my hand through my hair and blew out a breath, still avoiding eye contact with him. “See, it’s like this, Blaze. You’re my brother, and we’ve lived together a whole lot of years. Even after you married Callie, it was like nothing changed. This time, everything has changed.”
“You think so?”
“Why do you think I’ve been avoiding the house? It’s not because I’m mad or annoyed that Heaven is here. I’m not. Bison Ridge is where she belongs. There is a draw between you and her that I can feel in the air. I guess that’s the only way I can explain it.”
“I don’t understand, Beau,” he admitted, but I could tell he was trying.
“It’s like when she’s not here the ranch holds its breath until she comes back. I guess, lookin’ back now, I can see the ranch had been holding its breath for all those years she wasn’t here. Now that she is here, it doesn’t want to let her go. The house is brighter, sunnier, warmer, and happier when she’s here. I know that sounds dumb as a post, but it’s the truth.”
“Like the dark curtains have been pulled back, and the sun can stream in again.”
I pointed at him. “Just like that, yeah. In light of that, I think y’all need to have the house to yourselves. That draw between you has been denied for too many years. Now that you’re together, I want you to start your life just the two of you. The way it should be.”
He nodded a few times and stared out at the small barn where we kept our favorite horses. “I respect that, Beau. I also appreciate the hell out of you for thinking of it. I know it’s probably time we don’t live in the same house after what? Twenty years?”
“Thereabouts,” I agreed. “It’s time, Blaze. You’ve got your life together. Now I need to do the same.”
His chuckle was all Texan, and it brought a smile to my lips. “I don’t know about having my life together, Beau. I just got my head out of my backside long enough to see that Heaven was the only thing that could put me back together. I would suggest building you a foreman’s cottage somewhere on the property, but I think you’re moving in the right direction to find your way back together, so I’m not going to.”
“You been drinking, son?” I asked, trying to make sense of what he’d just said.
He shook his head as he stared up over the ridge. “No, what I mean is, you’re moving to Heavenly Lane to live now. Seems like that’s the place you’re being drawn to, and I understand that you need to go.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head immediately. “I’m not going to work for Heavenly Lane. I’ll be back for Cloudy Day as soon as Dawn can give me a ride over to get him. I’ll be working here every day, just like always, Blaze.”
He held up his hand to hush me. “I wasn’t talking about work, Beau. I was talking about the draw. Your draw. Your sunshine when you pull the curtains back. She needs you to be there for her. Now is the time to make that move.”
I cocked my head to the side. “You know something I don’t know, boy? Spill it.”
He held up his hands in defense. “All I’m saying is, keep following your heart and stop listening to your head so much. It took me too long to learn that lesson. I don’t want you to miss out on more years with someone who you’re meant to be with because your priorities are in the wrong place.”
I nodded, swallowing around the lump in my throat a couple of times. “I hear ya, boss, but tha—tha— ain’t why I’m moving there. Not at all. I ha—have my own ra—room.” I wanted to get him off Dawn quickly before he made me admit things I didn’t want to say out loud. “I’m glad you’re not upset that I’m leaving. I was wa—wa—worried.”
“I wish you had just come and talked to me about it. Were you ever going to?”
I shrugged my shoulder in a way that said, ‘probably not.’ “Change is ha—ha—hard.”
He stood up and walked over to the truck, hopping up beside me. “Change is hard, and we’ve sure had a lot of changes lately. This is the end of an era. I’m struggling with it as much as you are.”
The laughter that escaped my lips was unamused. “Doubtful.”
“It might feel that way to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true, Beau. I have a lot of brothers, but you’re the only one I’ve ever really known. We might not share blood, but we sure as hell have been through everything else together the last twenty years. So while it might feel like I’m the one on the winning end of this hand, I’m not, okay? I’m just …” He put his hands up as though that was all he had. “I’m not.”
I clasped his shoulder and kept my hand there, wanting him to know that I felt the same way. “I’m not leaving you here to do this alone, Blaze. I’m just sleeping somewhere else. You know I’ll be in the barn before you are even out of your lazybones bed and still be riding the ridge when you climb back in it every night. That’s the way it’s been and the way it will continue to be.”
His laughter could probably be heard at Heavenly Lane. “Maybe that’s the way it has always been, but I’ve got bets riding on Dawn Briar Lee flipping that idea on its head. I sure as hell hope she does anyway. You need a woman like her, both to keep you in line and to give you a place to rest your tired heart. That’s all I want for you, as your brother and your friend.”
There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t have the words, and I knew if I tried, I’d do nothing but stutter until I gave up.
He jumped down off the tailgate and pointed to the house. “Come on. Let’s have one last beer for the road.”
