Page 3 of Long Past Dawn
Sassy was an excellent word to describe Dawn Briar Lee. She was fiercely protective of her tribe, and once you were part of that tribe, you were part of it forever. Under her warm Carhartt stocking cap was a pile of strawberry blonde hair I would love to run my fingers through every night. Her eyes were the color of a bison, except for the flecks of gold that dotted them when the firelight was just right. I shifted on the log and tore my gaze from the woman before she caught me gawking. Dawn Lee was so pretty she’d make any man plow through a stump, myself included.
“I’m not playing home on the range,” I insisted, throwing some exasperation in there for good measure.
“You’ve been staying out here for months, Beau. What gives? I know you love camping in the summer, but this is March in Wisconsin. It’s time to go inside before you catch your death of a cold.”
My gaze landed on the small tent set up to the side that admittedly was becoming ridiculously cold. “I’m fine. The fire keeps me warm, and I have my bison coat and blanket. I’m probably warmer than you are.”
She shook her head while rubbing her upper arms through her old barn coat. “Beau, you can’t keep dancing around this issue forever. Blaze and Heaven are getting married, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stay in the house. There are plenty of bedrooms.”
I brushed my hand at her with a shake of my head. “Please. I’d sooner sleep in the barn than in the same house with a couple of newlyweds. Ick.”
Dawn giggled, and the sound shot straight through me like an arrow. I loved her giggles, and she didn’t laugh nearly enough anymore. I hadn’t decided why that was yet, but eventually, I’d get to the bottom of it. There were many things about Dawn Briar Lee that I wanted to get to the bottom of if I was honest. I’d had a crush on her for the entire six years I’d known her, but no way in hell was I going to ruin our friendship to scratch an itch. If Blaze weren’t my best friend, Dawn would be. I guess I had two best friends at the end of the day, and not everyone could say that.
“You’re so romantic, Beau,” she cooed, holding her hands near her chin and batting her eyelashes at me.
I didn’t respond, but I did let my gaze roam over her in the firelight. Something was wrong with Dawn Briar Lee. The light in her eyes had gone out, and she carried an air of sadness about her now. Maybe she was sad for the same reason I was. Our lives were changing, and we didn’t have any control over it anymore.
“If I had to guess, I’d say you’re finding it hard to accept that Blaze is getting married again,” she said, her hands stretched toward the fire.
“If all your brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose,” I muttered, tipping up a cup of hot coffee to my lips. I didn’t offer Dawn any in hopes she’d go away and stop bugging me about leaving the ridge.
“Where do you come up with all these ridiculous sayings?” she asked, shaking her head. “Is there a book of stupid Texas sayings that you memorized?”
I refused to answer her, biting my tongue to keep from chewing her out. I wanted her to leave me alone, but I didn’t want to hurt her in the process.
Dawn stood and grabbed Black Beauty’s reins from the line. “I don’t much care what you do, Beau Hanson. Stay, leave, whatever, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over your dead, frozen body.” She hauled herself into the saddle, and I noticed she grimaced and sucked in a breath before she finally righted herself. “As for me, I’m going home to a warm house where I’m going to drink hot chocolate with Heaven while we discuss wedding plans.”
“Is Heaven staying at Heavenly Lane tonight?” I asked, standing up and tucking my hands in my back pockets.
“She is. We have interviews for the cook position tomorrow. Let’s go, Black Beauty,” she said, giving the horse a tap with her heels.
I watched her ride off into the darkness and sighed with resignation. I hated that she was right, and not just about the weather. Life was changing again, and I had no idea where my place was in it anymore.
The back door slammed shut, and I gingerly tugged my gloves off. The cold had seeped into my joints in the short thirty minutes I was out there, and I was going to pay for it tomorrow. I tucked my hat in my coat pocket and hung the coat on the hook near the back door. Now that Heaven was living at Bison Ridge, and for the most part, I had this old farmhouse to myself, loneliness was all that permeated the space. I used to come in from doing chores in the barn and share dinner with Heaven, where we’d discuss business or events of the day. Then we’d grab a beer and sit outside by a fire or make hot cocoa and watch movies on the Hallmark Channel. Sure, I still had Tex around, but he lived in the new foreman’s cottage next to the old bunkhouse, and he rarely came into the house now. That meant nothing but silence filled the space, giving my mind time to play out all my problems on an endless loop. I’m sure I thought I’d come up with answers eventually, but I never did. I had no answers for the situations I was facing. Well, I had answers, but none of them were good.
I sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh after changing into my pajamas. How was I going to keep going like this? How would I find the strength to keep a smile on my face when all I felt was sadness? It had been a long, lonely winter. Maybe that was all it was. Seasonal depression that would improve when the sun stayed out longer, and the air warmed in the spring. I could hope, but the truth was, I already knew that was onlypartof the problem. I glanced down at my hands and came face-to-face with the rest of it.
A tear ran down my cheek, and I swiped it away before I stood and walked back to the kitchen. I couldn’t pretend everything was going to be fine any longer. If I did, I would lose my job here at Heavenly Laneandeveryone I loved. That wasn’t acceptable. Tomorrow, I would have to make the call that I’d been putting off. I kept saying ‘maybe tomorrow,’ but now there was no more maybe.
I set the saucepan on the stove to start warming the milk for our sweet treat. Heaven would be here soon if she weren’t already in the barn putting Grover up for the night. She always rode her horse to Blaze’s ranch, so I made sure to keep his stall empty for him when she was here. That wouldn’t be for much longer, though. They were getting married in a few months, and then Heaven would be gone from Heavenly Lane Dude Ranch for good.
I grunted at myself as I pulled mugs from the cupboard and got the chocolate mix ready. “Not for good, Dawn. Heavenly Lane is her property. She just won’t be sleeping here anymore.”
I hated that I had started talking to myself just to fill the silence. I would be grateful when we hired a cook who would live in the house with me. When Heaven decided to turn Heavenly Lane into a dude and guest ranch, I was surprised by how quickly people signed on the dotted line and paid a hefty fee to be a cowboy for a week. Heaven hired a team to put the riding ring up in a matter of weeks, and the new bunkhouse was renovated and insulated for winter. Since the first of the month, we'd had guests here, but it was too much work for me to carry all the responsibilities. Once we hired someone to do the cooking, I could concentrate on the guest services we wanted to offer and stop spending all my time in the kitchen.
I stirred the chocolate into the milk absently while staring out the farmhouse window at the dark ridge beyond. I loved cooking for my friends, but not for overgrown boys who wanted to gorge themselves on steak and eggs. Besides, the way my body had turned on me lately, I couldn’t do it for much longer. I prayed every night that if I could stay out of the kitchen, my hands and feet would stop hurting so much. Sometimes the pain was so bad it stole my breath, and I had to stop walking or risk falling. I didn’t know how much longer I could hide it, but it helped that Heaven didn’t live here anymore. If she did, I was sure she’d already be going on about it.
The back door opened, and a gust of cold wind accompanied my best friend through the door. “Damn, it’s going to be ugly by morning. Did you find Beau?” Heaven asked as she unzipped her coat and stomped her feet.
I nodded without turning, busying myself with pouring the hot chocolate into the mugs. “I found him, but I can’t say he’s going to listen to me. He’s crankier than a bear with no honey.”
Heaven chuckled and pulled out a kitchen chair to sit. “By the sounds of that, I’d say you’ve been hanging out with the boy too much.”
“Wrong,” I corrected her, carrying the hot mugs to the table carefully. “I haven’t been hanging out with Beau much at all anymore.”
She sipped her cocoa and raised a brow over the mug. “Because?”
“We’ve been busy, and he’s always up on that ridge. I have other things to do, and I’m not the least bit interested in sitting out in the cold all night.”
