Page 29 of Long Past Dawn
Her facial expression never changed when she spoke. “I’d squeal, but you’d tell me not to.”
I snorted and shook my head. She was right. I would. I wasn’t that girl.
“What did you do this time?” she asked, stripping wood off a stick.
“I kissed him back out of desire instead of curiosity this time,” I answered, my head bobbing a few times. “He’s a great guy, but—”
“But?” she asked. “You just said you kissed Beau out of desire.”
“I did. I could definitely feel his desire, too, if you know what I mean.”
She bit back a giggle and threw the stick into the sand. “But?”
“But … I don’t know. I keep coming back to why now? Is it because his best friend is getting married and he’s finding himself at a crossroads? Is it because my appearance has changed so much that now he finds me attractive as more than a friend? Is it because the anniversary of his mom’s death is almost here? Is it because he’s tired of being alone?”
Heaven blew out a breath and shook her head once. “That’s a lot of heavy stuff to be packed into one but.”
“I know, right?” I moaned, dropping my head into my hand. “We know so much about each other, but sometimes I think we don’t know anything important about each other. We’ve both tiptoed around our past and our families for our own reasons. I don’t know that I can open up about mine the way he has about his. At least the little bit he’s told me.”
“He doesn’t know anything about your family?”
I gave her the so-so hand motion back. “I told Beau that they live in Wyoming, but I want nothing to do with them.”
“Maybe you should start there then,” she suggested. “Start where your life changed and go forward. You’re right, you both know a lot about each other, but there’s always something new to learn. I just don’t want to see you throw away a chance to be with a wonderful guy because you’re afraid.”
“It takes a fool to know a fool,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
Heaven chuckled and punched me lightly on the arm. “Fair, but I did finally learn to trust Blaze. Maybe you need to start by trusting yourself.”
“Trusting myself?” I asked, confused. “You mean trusting Beau.”
“No,” Heaven said, pulling me up and walking with me up the wooden plank walkway to the truck. “I mean trusting yourself. I couldn’t trust Blaze until I trusted myself. Trusted my feelings is what I’m trying to say. You need to trust what’s in here,” she said, patting my chest, “before you believe what’s up here.” She tapped my temple and let her hand drop to her side again.
We finished the walk to the truck in silence, and the ride back was equally as quiet while I thought about what Heaven said. Trust yourself. To your own self be true.
I knew one thing for sure, that was way easier said than done.
Eight
I slid a bin of boots into the back of the truck and turned for another one when I spotted the man I was trying to avoid standing on the porch. He had his hat in his hand and his eyes taking in the scene before him.
“Going somewhere?” he drawled, that Texas accent still strong even after all these years. Not that I had a lot to say on the matter. Mine was just as strong.
Time to face the music.
I knew I would have to, but I didn’t know how to tell him I was leaving.
“I—I,” I cleared my throat and tapped my fingers on my thigh. It was an old trick I’d learned to break the stutter. If I tapped a rhythm on my leg while I spoke, it made me focus on something else. “I’m moving over to Heavenly Lane ta—to—ah—day.”
His brow went up, and he walked down the stairs and sat on the top one. “You don’t say? You don’t have to leave, Beau. We aren’t kicking you out.”
I jumped up on the tailgate and let my legs swing under me while I stared out over the ridge that was now my home. “I know you ain’t, Blaze. I never said you were. I’m not comfortable here anymore. An—and before you get all ry—riled up a—about Heaven, let me finish.”
He motioned at me to continue. “I’m listening, but, Beau?”
“Yeah?”
“Take your time. I’m not upset. You don’t have to defend yourself. Just let it come,” Blaze said, motioning with his hand the way he always did when he wanted to remind me to take my time. I think the motion was an old Native American sign for ‘it’s all good,’ loosely translated, of course.
