Page 15 of Long Past Dawn
I hooked Grover’s reins on the new hook I installed to keep him in place while she mounted using the new system. I wasn’t surprised when she could pull herself up quickly but held my breath when she had to work the armrest from across her chest. I was afraid she’d fall out the other side, but I should have known better. She’d been riding horses since she was two, and for the last ten, she’d been doing it one-handed. She had herself situated faster than I had done it. She grabbed the reins from the hook and sighed. “Incredible,” she whispered, sitting tall against the new backrest I’d added to help her stay upright. “Can I take him for a ride to test it out?”
Blaze patted her leg and nodded. “Just be careful, and don’t try to get down until you’re back here. If you need help, use the walkie.” He grabbed one from the barn wall and clipped it to the saddle, where it always hung when she was out alone.
“I won’t be gone long!” she promised, taking off like a shot once she was clear of the barn doors. Her laughter echoed through the still morning air, and both of us were grinning as we stared at the now-empty barn door.
“Well, you just made her year,” he said, still not turning to look at me. “Maybe her decade. I don’t know what to say.”
I darted into my workshop, grabbed something off the bench, and carried it back out with me. “I made you something, too. I noticed yours was getting rough.”
Blaze accepted the brown Stetson and ran his hand over the soft leather. “Beau, this is stunning. Bison leather?”
“Yep,” I agreed. “It’s just like your old one, but I made some changes to the way I tanned the leather. I hope that makes it more durable. I thought you should have a new one for your big day.”
He ran his finger across the hatband and glanced up at me in surprise. I held up my hands in defense. “I didn’t make the band. I asked the ladies who made your bolo tie to do it. After they finished, they shipped it out here. I knew you’d be wearing your tie for the wedding. I figured Wicapiwakan brought you good luck, so she should represent at the ceremony.”
Last July, Blaze and Heaven had transported a sacred white bison calf and its mother to a Lakota reservation in South Dakota. Blaze’s most prized possession was the hand-beaded white bison bolo tie the tribe had made for him. They told him if he wore it for special events, it would bring the spirit of Wicapiwakan to him and offer prosperity and peace. Now, he had a matching set for his wedding. I wouldn’t be here for it, which felt like a punch to the gut, but at least Wicapiwakan would be.
He took off the old hat and set the new one on his head. “Fits like a dream. Thanks, Beau. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate like hell that you did.”
“It was your bison hide. The least I could do was make you a hat. I’m working on your coat. Sorry I didn’t get it done in time for this season, but you’ll have it next winter. I’ve been busy, and there is quite a process for preparing the bison hide to make clothing.”
Blaze held his hand up to quiet me. “I’m not worried about it, Beau. I’ll be grateful for it once it’s done, but I’m in no rush. I’m glad you put the saddle modifications for Heaven ahead of it. You don’t know the relief inside my chest right now knowing I don’t have to worry about her every single second she’s out on the horse.”
I nodded and stared at the floor, brushing my foot through the hay. “I think I do. I remember the horror. I remember it all.”
He clasped my shoulder again and nodded grimly, his lips in a thin line as we thought about the moment in the pasture that day. A bison bull had trampled his wife Callie and killed her. Heaven was hurt falling off Grover when she tried to rescue her. “I know you do. I’m guilty of forgetting I wasn’t the only one affected by the events of that day. I’m reminded every time I look at Heaven, and now, every time I think about the things you said to me in that house.”
“La—listen,” I stuttered, biting my tongue to force myself to slow down. Whenever I got upset, I tripped over my tongue. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I apologize for being that way, especially in front of Miss Heaven,” I paused and cleared my throat. “In front of Heaven. It wasn’t right of me to take out my frustration on both of you.”
Blaze nodded while his shoulder shrugged, but his gaze remained trained on the floor until he finally shook his head. “While I would have preferred Heaven hadn’t witnessed my fall from grace, you have nothing to apologize for.”
I crossed my arms over my chest while I stared out the barn door. “In my opinion, it’s better to keep my mouth shut and seem a fool than open it and remove all doubt, Blaze. I definitely removed all doubt a few days ago.”
Blaze put his arm around me and directed me to a hay bale to sit. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. You didn’t sound like a fool, but I sure as hell looked like one, and rightly so. After you left, Heaven told me she’d do what you should have done, and then she punched me in the gut.”
I chortled, and the sound was easy and relaxed for the first time in weeks. “She has never been afraid to tell you what she thinks.”
Blaze grinned and leaned back, crossing his boots at the ankles. “Nope, and she was right. I spent a good long time out on the ridge the last few days. Not having you out there with me, well, I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it at all.”
“We haven’t ridden the ridges together in at least a year.” I snapped my jaw shut, so I didn’t say the rest of what I was thinking, which was that he was too busy doing everything but what he should be doing.
“We haven’t, which in hindsight is also my fault.”
“Not sure why it mattered to you then, Blaze,” I said, baffled. I might be a simple man, but I’d known this guy for years and usually didn’t struggle to follow our conversations.
“I guess my point is, even though we hadn’t done it in a long time, I knew we could, you know? I could jump on Rapunzel and yell for you to ride out with me, and you’d be right by my side. Over the last few days, I didn’t even know where you were. I couldn’t race you across the field to the first paddock and laugh while doing it. That was the moment I realized I’d rather be doing that than anything else.”
That got a loud bark of laughter from me. “I think you’d rather be doing Miss Heaven, but the sentiment is nice.”
Blaze shoved me in the shoulder, laughter in his voice when he told me not to be vulgar. “Truth is, Beau, I already knew something had to change and that something was me. I can’t work you to death while I pretend like I’m carrying my weight around here.”
I reached out and rubbed the nose of Cloudy Day, who had come over to investigate why I’d been ignoring him. “You don’t have to carry your own weight around here, Blaze. You own the ranch, and it’s your right to delegate the work. I was out of line implying anything else. Ultimately, that’s the reason I’ve decided to move on to a different place in a different town. While I know that you don’t have to carry the weight around here, I can’t carry it all anymore. We grew up together, we got in trouble together, we scrapped together, we lost together, and we built this ranch together. It don’t feel right doing it alone now. It just don’t, and I can’t.” I snapped my jaw closed then and rubbed my face with my hands. I was still tired from my drunken bender last night, making the emotions harder to control this morning. I was glad I had gotten it all out without stuttering about. That didn’t mean saying goodbye to my brother wasn’t breaking my heart and bringing tears to my eyes.
Blaze squeezed my shoulder and shook his head. “You’re not leaving, Beau. I know you think I don’t understand how you’re feeling, and I’m well aware that in some aspects of what you’re dealing with right now, I don’t. When it comes to the ranch, though, the last three days have shown me the same things you just told me. I also have to say that you’re wrong. I don’t own this place.”
I leaned forward on my thighs and brushed off my hands. “What are you talking about, Blaze? Ash signed this place over to you months ago. Did he take it back?”
Blaze shook his head and leaned back on his elbow, content to take his time in explaining himself. “No, he didn’t, but I will no longer own Bison Ridge Ranch just like Heaven will no longer own Heavenly Lane Dude Ranch upon our marriage.”
