Page 12 of Long Past Dawn
Beau buried his hands in the hair on the top of my head and moaned against my lips. The sound shook me to my core, and I gasped. When my lips fell open, he took full advantage and moved the kiss into territory that was even more unexpected. His tongue darted in to steal a taste of mine, and honestly, it was the most beautiful experience of my life. He was Jim Beam, coffee, and mouthwash from my bathroom vanity. He was sadness, resilience, and dedication to a craft few understood. He was heat, strength, and weakness on a cold winter night. I experienced all of Beau Hanson in one kiss, and it was everything I dreamed it would be and more. He was everything I needed but would never have.
When he ended the kiss, he rested his forehead back on mine. “I’ve wanted to do that for six years, Dawn Lee. It was worth waiting for.”
“God, Beau. Same. What made you do it now?” I asked, my voice breathy and no louder than a whisper.
“I do—do——” he cleared his throat. “Do not know. I wanted to know what it was like to taste you, even if it was only once in your living room at one a.m. I wanted to know just in case I disappeared and never came back. At least I experienced a few moments of pleasure before I left this earth.”
I gripped his face tightly and held him nose-to-nose. “You better not be planning on leaving this earth, Beau. I will call for help if I think that’s the case.”
His eyes closed, and his head shook in my hands. “Not what I meant, Dawn. See, my momma, she died in the blink of an eye, and so did Miss Callie. I work in a place that can take me just as fast, that’s all. I should go to bed before I say or do something stupider. I’m a stupid man.”
“You’re not stupid, Beau,” I whispered adamantly. “I think you’re confused, scared, and lonely, but I don’t think you’re stupid. Not even the littlest bit. Do you hear me?”
His head nodded in my hands, and I stared into those sad brown eyes. What I saw there would have broken my heart if it wasn’t already in two pieces. I pulled him up off the couch and turned the light off in the living room.
“Come on. It’s time for bed.”
He yawned and followed behind me like a lost puppy dog as I pulled him down the hall to my bedroom. I flipped the covers back on the bed and motioned for him to lay down. He unhooked his belt and stripped it off but thankfully left his jeans and t-shirt intact. He sighed with satisfaction as he settled into the mattress, and his eyes closed almost immediately. I clicked the light off by the side of the bed and paused beside him. I was enraptured by the vision of the man in the moonlight. His hair needed a cut, and the brown locks curling slightly around his ears gave him the look of a Hollywood cowboy. His beard had grown in soft and brown, but I knew the next time I saw him, he’d be cleanshaven again. I once suggested that he grow a beard to keep his face warm in the winter, but he informed me that beards made his face itch. Besides, he was convinced a woman loved nothing more than running her hand over the face of a cleanshaven cowboy in the moonlight. Unfortunately, I had to agree with him.
I’d dreamed of having Beau Hanson in my bed, and maybe he was tonight, but it wouldn’t last. I could never have him. Not tonight. Probably not ever. There was still too much left unsaid between us. I would be the friend he needed tonight when his defenses were down and his mind was in turmoil. Come morning, when he dusted himself off and got back to the job of living, I’d let him go. I had to. The life I had to lead now would only hold him back.
I lowered myself to the mattress and swung my legs in, pulling the covers up over us and resting back on the pillows. I thought Beau was asleep until his hand snaked over and slipped into mine. He squeezed it once, and I wondered if life got any better than this. The truth was if I could spend every night with this man in my bed, it would get better, but for tonight, all I could do was pretend.
As I drifted off to sleep, the truth struck me with blinding clarity. We were both pretending, and neither one of us knew how to stop being so damn afraid and just be honest. Until we figured that out, a stolen kiss in the dark was all we could be.
Four
The sunlight streamed into the quiet room, and I bit back a moan of pain. My head was already pounding from the bourbon last night, and when I opened my eyes, it was only going to get worse.
The next moan that I let loose was out of frustration. If the sun was up, I missed chores. I couldn’t force myself to get too worked up about it, though. Considering the softness and warmth lying across my chest, I was happy right where I was. It had been so many nights since I woke up warm in a soft bed that I never wanted to move. My eyes snapped open. I was warm and in a soft bed with a softer woman snuggled into me. Where was I?
I glanced down at my chest, and my breath hitched. The sweetness spread across me was wide awake and staring up at me. “Morning,” Dawn whispered. “You missed chores.”
“I’m dreaming, right?” I asked, my hand discreetly checking under the covers. I was relieved when my hand encountered my flannel shirt and jeans.
Dawn shook her head against my chest, and the feel of it told me I most certainly was not dreaming. Maybe I’d dreamt about waking up like this every day for the last six years, but this was real. I forced myself to replay the events of last night. I remembered drinking half a bottle of Jack and stumbling drunk through the snow until I found Heavenly Lane. Even as I was knocking on the door, I didn’t know if I’d be welcome, but I had to see her, even if she tossed me out on my ear.
I rested my hand on my forehead and let out a breath. “What did I do last night?”
Dawn sat up and pulled the blanket up to her chest. “You don’t remember?”
I laughed sardonically and broke eye contact with her. “Oh, I remember. That was more like an, oh my God, what did I do last night? Kind of question.”
“Nothing you can’t take back, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Dawn assured me with a shrug that she wanted to be nonchalant. She failed. “I put you to bed in here last night because you were so distraught. I was worried that you’d fall down the stairs in the middle of the night or wander outside if I didn't keep an eye on you. Nothing else happened.”
I sat up slowly and held my hand to my pounding temple. “Something else did happen, though. I distinctly remember kissing you.”
“You were drunk.”
“I wasn’t that drunk,” I insisted, trying to swallow around the cotton in my mouth.
Dawn glanced away, and I tipped my head, my slow, sore mind registering that something wasn’t right. I took her face gently and swung her chin to face me. “Dawn, did you hurt your eye? It’s all red here,” I said, running my finger under her left eye and down her cheek. “Does it hurt?”
Fear instantly filled those chocolate eyes that I thought about all day long. When they turned to the color of black coffee, I knew the next thing she said would be a lie.
“No, it’s fine. I must have gotten something in it. I should make some coffee. Do you want some coffee?”
The shudder that went through her was the honest answer to my question, though. There was something terribly wrong with her, and she thought I was too drunk to see it. Too dumb to understand? Too caught up in my own life to want to help? I didn’t know which one it was, but I had to get to the bottom of it before I lost her for good.
