Page 49 of Blazing Hot Nights
“We know that the birth of a white bison is a sign of hope and good things to come for them, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “Well, she told me that while we were giving them the physical animal, that animal’s spirit would forever remain where it took its first breath of air. That Wicapiwakan’s spirit remained on the white man’s land.”
“But you don’t know which pasture Wicapiwakan was born in,” I pointed out, my head cocked in confusion. “I had moved her and the cow by the time I showed you.”
“That’s true, but it only took me about three seconds of thinking about it to know the truth, Blaze. I’m right, aren’t I?”
I swallowed roughly over the lump in my throat. “Wicapiwakan was born in the same pasture where Callie died. I saw the irony of that immediately.”
“According to Kemimela, it wasn’t irony. It was a message. It was a message from Callie that it’s time for you to move on. Callie wants you to remember that her spirit lives on and it’s time to remember who she was. She was a white light, and she would hate being the reason for all the darkness we’ve been living in since she left us.”
I held her hand against my cheek and closed my eyes. “You don’t know how much I want that to be true, Heaven.”
“I told Kemimela you wouldn’t believe me. She said it would take time, and I might have to lead the way. I might have to show you the way to believing Callie wouldn’t want us to be unhappy. She would want us to share her light with the world, not hide it. Everything that has happened tonight,” she said, motioning around the room, “is how I’m finding my way to believing it. I need to forgive myself, both for the decisions I made that day and for the way I had treated you afterwards. Knowing that the spirit of Wicapiwakan is still protecting us is how I’m going to do that. It’s how I’m going to learn to remember Callie. I want to remember her as a white light in a field of green where she watches over us with the heart of a bison, strong and free. I have seen something with my own two eyes that few people in this world will ever see. I saw a white bison in the flesh and became part of giving her back to her people. The animals took something precious from us. I can’t argue that. In return, they offer us an example of how to be free even when fenced in by life. They offer spirituality in a place that is often cold and harsh. I cannot hold on to the hatred in my soul for them any longer, Blaze.”
“What about your hatred for me? Can you let that go?” I asked, holding my breath when she shook her head. My heart paused on a beat at the motion. I wondered if it would ever start again if I couldn’t have this woman’s love wrapped around me.
Heaven’s eyes hooded, and she held her breath tight in her chest. “I don’t hate you, Blaze. I’ve never done anything but love you, even when I disguised that love behind a wall of pain and self-hatred. You’ve always been the one person in this world I could count on, even when we were yelling at each other. I knew if something threatened me, even in the middle of a heated argument, you wouldn’t hesitate to protect me.”
My eyes closed as I dragged air into my lungs. “Those were the most beautiful, truthful, and pain-filled words anyone has ever said to me.” I stroked her cheek for a moment before I leaned down, stealing a gentle kiss from her lips. “I would give my life for you, Heaven. You can count on me. What you said was so damn true it hit me right in the chest. I hid my love for you behind a wall of self-hatred and disgust. That honesty is my truth. Can you ever forgive me?” I begged, gripping her face in my hands like a lifeline.
“I don’t think you need forgiveness, Blaze. You need love. You need unconditional love, even when you don’t feel like you deserve it. I understand that all the way to my soul because I need the same thing. I can be that for you if you can be that for me.”
“I want to try, angel. I want to take your pain away and replace it with the light of goodness that you used to shine on this world. I want you to know what it feels like to find your one true love.”
A smile floated across her lips, and she nodded once. “I already know. It feels like hope.”
My lips came down on hers in a mad tangle of tongues that I never wanted to end. I stretched out the full length of Heaven and kept my weight on my arms while I rubbed her temples with my thumbs. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered, kissing my way up her jawline to her ear where I nipped it gently. “Am I awake?” I muttered as I kissed and nibbled my way along her collarbone. The resulting gasp and mewl told me I was wide-awake. I had the woman I’d been in love with for eight long years under me, and I was kissing her soft skin and inhaling her scent of violets and sunshine.
My hips bucked against her thigh, and my need for her grew harder still. “God, Blaze,” she moaned, thrusting upward against me.
My lips went back to hers and stole her words, kissing, sucking, and licking until we both needed air. I rubbed Mr. Monster against her leg again, and she moaned, raising it slightly to offer me pressure in return. The resulting moan that ripped from my throat ricocheted around the room. My lips trailed down her neck, the skin as tender as I remembered it to be. “I have to stop,” I finally gasped out while rubbing myself against her.
“Why?” she cried, her hips thrusting toward mine. In my sleep pants, there was no way to hide my desire for her.
“For starters, I don’t have any protection.”
I moaned when her hand came up to brace against my chest at the same time her thigh came up to press against Mr. Monster.
“How many women have you been with, Blaze?” she asked, her voice breathy and demanding.
“One,” I answered, my eyes closing when I swallowed. “And there was only one other woman I wanted.”
“I’m on the pill, Blaze, but, um—”
She looked away, and I tipped her chin back until I held her eyes. “Talk to me, angel. Don’t hide from me anymore.”
Her eyes told me how scared she was when she stared into mine. “I’ve never … you know.” She rolled her eyes and swallowed down the words.
I gripped her face tightly so she couldn’t turn away again. “You’ve never been with a man before?” I asked, and she nodded as her cheeks tinged red with embarrassment. “I know, angel.”
“You know? How do you know?”
“I’ve known you since you were seventeen. You don’t date, you don’t go out, and Dawn told Beau it was time to find you a man.”
“Fabulous. Do you think the bed will just swallow me whole now?” She sighed and glanced away, the red deepening on her cheeks.
I chuckled and kissed her lips again. “Don’t be embarrassed, Heaven. I’m certainly not. I’m also not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. You know that, right?”
She nodded, her eyes like an owl’s in the night. “I want to but I don’t know how to make it feel good for you. I just want you to feel good.”
