Page 43 of Blazing Hot Nights
Blaze settled me onto the seat of the truck and buckled me in before circling the rig and climbing back in himself. He handed me a water bottle, which I begrudgingly accepted. I was dying of thirst and drained it before he even signaled back onto the highway.
The ride toward the next town was silent, strained, sad, and everything the trip here hadn’t been.
“You can leave me at a store,” I whispered. “I’ll get some acetaminophen and call Dawn.”
He didn’t say anything. He just drove onward, his eyes focused straight ahead until we pulled into a hotel, and he put the truck in park. He finally turned to me and pointed at the building. “We’re going to get a room, take a shower, have something to eat, and get a few hours of rest. If we don’t, you aren’t going to get back to Wisconsin without a trip to the emergency room for your shoulder. Every bump I hit, you grimaced.”
“I hate that you’re right,” I said, swallowing back the tears that had been threatening for miles. “My shoulder is in bad shape. If I move wrong, the pain takes my breath away. I’m trying not to cry because I know men don’t like it when women cry. But, as much as I want to go home and get out of this embarrassing situation, I need to take a break. I don’t want you to be nice to me, put up with me, or have to deal with me now that you know the truth though. I’ll get a room for myself.”
Blaze jumped down out of the truck and grabbed our duffel bags before he opened my door. I refused to move, so he dropped the bags, unbuckled my seatbelt, and pulled me down out of the truck before he locked it. Then he hoisted the duffels over his shoulder, hooked a finger in one of my belt loops, and propelled me forward. Essentially, he gave me no choice but to follow him.
“Here’s the thing, angel, your truth and my truth are two different things. To start, we’re getting one room. I won’t let you be alone right now. After we take a shower and have some food, then we’ll discuss both versions of the same story until we agree.”
His body language told me that the agreement we came to was not going to be in my favor.
***
The small cottage we sat in had a rustic feel to it that defied the amenities at our fingertips. We were lucky to get the cabin after they had a cancellation. It was the Fourth of July weekend, which we’d forgotten about when we didn’t book a room ahead of time. We’d have had to share the space even if I’d pressed for my own room, but with a large king-size bed and a decent pull-out couch, we’d survive for the few hours we planned to be here. We’d finish our supper, sleep for a few hours, and set out again at midnight for home. We’d roll in tomorrow morning early enough to hold up our bargain to our friends to let them enjoy the holiday weekend.
“This is good,” I said, washing down the burger with the beer he had brought back from the small bar across the street.
Blaze nodded, setting his down again. “It’s not bison, but it’s still fabulous.”
I rolled my eyes while I finished my fries, and he polished off his burger and his beer. I had showered earlier, glad for the grab bars and stool built into the shower. Showering made me nervous when I was tired. I was always afraid I would fall and hurt myself worse. While I was showering, he had checked in with Beau and Dawn, who had everything under control, just like they always did. Logically, I knew asking Dawn to come out here when we were all going back to the same place was a waste of time and money, but the emotions swirling through me were anything but logical.
I knew my reactions to certain situations weren’t logical to most people. I suppose some people would even say it was silly to still be controlled by these emotions all these years later. I would challenge them to experience what I did and then try to go on and live a normal life. It’s not possible. This was my new normal, and all I wanted was a little bit of stability and a break from the constant pain.
I had seen a doctor about the nightmares and day terrors years ago, after the accident. I recognized that my emotions were the result of the trauma, but I didn’t know how to make it all stop. The doctors gave me coping techniques that helped most of the time, but they weren’t helping tonight. There was too much going on in my head and my heart. I was going to have to let the sadness, fear, anxiety, and pain flow through me. I was going to have to let it all out if I stood half a chance of getting back home in one piece.
I didn’t know how Blaze could look at me, much less drive back to Wisconsin with me in his truck. Regardless, he wasn’t giving me a choice, so I had texted Dawn to tell her I was okay and that we’d be back in the morning. I didn’t know what kind of shape I would be in when we arrived, though, and I told her that. She made me promise to talk to Blaze and not to clam up ‘like you always do’ about how I was feeling. I didn’t make that promise because talking to Blaze about how I was responsible for his wife’s death was as terrifying as staring down one of his beasts in the field.
Blaze stood from his chair, and I snapped my attention back to the room. While he gathered the empty containers, I tried to ignore the hint of his aftershave that made me think of that kiss on the ridge last weekend. The feel of his lips on mine. The way he moaned softly in the back of his throat when I dropped my chin and let his tongue in to play. The way everything else ceased to exist when we were locked together in an embrace of need that neither one of us knew what to do about. Okay, that’s not true. We both knew how to quell the need, but we couldn’t act on it. There were too many reasons why us being together would always be a bad idea.
After he tossed the trash in the garbage can outside the door, he came in and pointed at the bed. “Sit. I need to check that shoulder.”
I covered it with my hand. “It’s fine. I’ll put some ice on it in a bit.”
He just pointed again until I sighed and stood, moving to the bed to sit on the edge. He climbed up behind me, his boots gone, and his body sheathed in nothing but lounge pants and a Texas A&M T-shirt. His warm hands massaged the tense muscles in my neck and shoulder, and like they always did, the traitorous muscles slowly started to relax under his capable hands. I moaned, covering it with a cough. It was hard not to react when I could have cried with relief. He kept one hand on my shoulder and neck while he swiped at a tear on my face. “Am I hurting you?”
“No, just the opposite, you’re helping the muscles relax,” I assured him. “My eyes just water sometimes when the pain is this bad.”
He chuckled and went back to his work. “In my world, when someone’s eyes water, it’s called crying.”
“Not if you live with something like this. I wish I could explain it better. I guess it’s like, you know when you’re exhausted and your eyes water because you’re so tired?”
“Like you better close them, or you’re going to collapse in the spot you’re standing?” he asked.
“Yes, like that. It’s the same kind of feeling. Sometimes, when you just get that little bit of relief, it’s like closing your eyes after being up for two days straight.”
Blaze was silent as he kept rubbing at the skin and bone that made up my left side. “Hang tight a minute,” he said, then got up off the bed and went to his bag, pulling something out and putting it in the microwave. When he walked back over, he laid it over my shoulder and helped me lean up against the bed to hold it on.
“You brought a heat pack for my shoulder?” I asked skeptically, one brow raised.
He stretched out next to me on the giant bed and, thankfully, was still feet away from me. “I suspected you might need it after driving all night. I knew you wouldn’t bring one and risk looking weak in front of me. I decided if I could convince you to let me massage the muscles, I wanted to keep them warm so they didn’t seize up on the way back home.”
“Proof that you always were smarter than me, Blaze. Being prepared like that never crossed my mind.”
“I think it has nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with distance from the situation. You’re so used to living with it that you forget how to find relief. I’m far enough away from the situation to see what helps you feel better.”
