Page 61 of Butterflies and Hazel Eyes
“I’m trying,” I whimpered. “I can’t help how good you make me feel. Your love fills me to overflowing every time, Gulliver. I love you.”
Those three words were a bolt of lightning to his hips, and he thrust upward, making me cry out with pleasure. “More,” I whispered, trying not to cry at how incredible it was to be so loved by this man. He held me to him and made love to me slowly and with perfectly timed strokes that had us both falling over the edge of pleasure and into love together. I was grateful we were alone since his name fell loudly from my lips when I landed back in his arms.
He stroked my face, his need still buried in me. “You’re incredible,” he whispered, his lips finding the tender spot in my neck. “I could make love to you every night and never get enough.”
“I feel the same way. Sometimes it scares me to the point I’m paralyzed,” I admitted into the silence of the room.
He moved his hand to my waist while he feathered kisses along my shoulder. “You don’t have to be scared. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know. I’m worried I’m going to hurt you.”
He buried his nose back in my neck. “I’m worried about the same thing. Especially when you change the subject and don’t answer my questions when I ask them.”
I lay in his arms in the dark and didn’t say a word. I wanted to stay in the darkness forever and never face the daylight, but life didn’t work that way. “I don’t answer them because I don’t know how,” I finally said. “I’m sorry if that hurts, but it’s all I can say right now.”
He brushed my hair off my neck and suckled the skin at the base until I couldn’t hold in my sharp intake of breath. He paused and gave the skin a gentle lick. “Let me ask you this then. What would you do if Myrtle were damaged in the storm?”
I tossed my hand up into the air and let it fall back to my hip. “I don’t know. Myrtle has always been my way to get from one job to the next. Driving her was an excuse to keep taking the next job and the next job. While it wasn’t always ideal, it was predictable. I have a job waiting for me. My dream job and now—”
“And now nothing is predictable?” he asked, his hands holding me to him with my chin over his shoulder.
“No, your love is predictable, but the rest, I don’t know,” I said, a tear in my voice. I swallowed it back, but one leaked out regardless.
He wiped it away with his thumb tenderly, a frown on his lips. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
I sighed and it was long and frustrated. “You didn’t. I’ve been close to tears every day for weeks. Even if I wanted to stay in Plentiful, I wouldn’t know where to start. I don’t know how to live a normal life, Gulliver. I’ve never rented an apartment, paid rent, or worked a nine-to-five job. And before you say it, paying for a night or two at a campground doesn’t count. I’m essentially like an eighteen-year-old who stepped out the door of their parents’ house for the first time with no guidance.”
“Shh,” he whispered, kissing my cheek. “That’s not true. You started a successful business by yourself and have made thousands of decisions for it over the years. Maybe you didn’t do it traditionally, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. We can figure it all out together if you’re willing to try. And you’re wrong, by the way—you’ve been working a nine-to-five job here, and you’re fantastic at it too.”
I snickered, and he wiped away another tear. “Great. Well, one down, a dozen more to go.”
His thumb ran across my forehead in a calming rhythm. “I’m not going to leave you alone to sort everything out, Charity. I love you, and I know you have to be the one to make the decision whether you stay or go, but if you choose to stay, I’ll be here to help you,” he promised, leaning down for another gentle, unassuming kiss.
I grasped his hand and held it to my chest desperately. “I love you, too, but I’m still unsure what I’m supposed to do. If Myrtle becomes a pancake, how do I get to Indiana? Or do I not go to Indiana at all and stay here with you instead? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”
“Shhh,” he said, kissing my lips as he ran his fingers through my hair to calm me. “If Myrtle gets flattened and you decide to take the job in Indiana, you can take my truck.”
I lowered a brow to my nose. “Your truck? Gulliver, you love that truck. Besides, what would you drive if I take the Dodge?”
“I do love the truck, but I love you more. I can drive the butterfly-mobile. If you have my truck, I know you’ll come back to me someday, if for no other reason than to return the truck.”
His words shattered my heart again with one fell swoop. He thought if I left, I’d never return unless I had a reason other than him. That was my fault. I never gave him a reason to believe otherwise. “Gulliver, I don’t need your truck to come back to you. I need no other reason to return to Plentiful than you. People have long-distance relationships all the time.”
“That’s true,” he agreed on a head nod. “My question is, what’s the difference between Indiana and Plentiful? Either place you have to rent an apartment and start a new life.”
“I know and that’s why I’m scared!” I exclaimed. “My parents didn’t want me. Do you understand that? They literally didn’t want me, and my mother proved it a second time around! What makes me think you’re any different? You say you love me, but so did they until I was five and demanded too much of their time! I was too much work and too much expense! I don’t know if I can stay in one place now. Putting down roots has always been impossible for me to do!”
He lay behind me again and held me to his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around me. “God, Charity, you just broke my heart. Listen to me,” he whispered before his lips kissed the tender skin behind my ear. “And I mean really listen to me, okay?” I nodded, glad I didn’t have to look into that pair of eyes right now. “You were a casualty of your parents’ immaturity. There’s no question about that, but here is what you don’t understand. There was something broken inside of them, not you. They were incapable of loving themselves or anyone else. You are not. You love with your whole little soul when you invest yourself in a situation for longer than eight hours. You can believe that I’m different for the sole reason that you’re different, Charity. You aren’t a scared kid anymore. You’re a grown woman. I love you regardless of your past pain, current indecision, or future decisions. I love all of you not because of what you do for me, but because of who you are in here,” he said, tapping my heart. “That’s not going to change just because you get scared and run away. The question I have to ask is, wouldn’t it be nice to have a few roots to anchor you to the ground in a storm?”
“Yes,” I agreed quietly. “But when you grew up the way I did, you know roots don’t always take. Sometimes they are choked off by matters beyond our control. I know you have roots here, but what if I’m terrible at staying in one place? After juvie, and before I bought Myrtle, I never stayed in one place longer than six months, Gulliver. The idea of passing on my dream job only to find out I can’t stay here terrifies me.”
He whispered his next words into my ear. “But the idea of taking your dream job only to find out you can’t stay there either doesn’t?”
“Exactly my point. Attempting to put down roots anywhere could lead to failure.”
“And you’re missing my point, Charity,” he said, his hand grasping my hip possessively. “You’re overthinking all of this. You’ve already put down roots here. Your tiny roots have spread through the town and taken hold in the soil of Plentiful. You’re the only one who doesn’t realize it.”
I stilled and took several long minutes to ponder what he said. “Do you think so?” The room was silent except for the sound of our breathing and Mojo’s soft snoring.
