Page 53 of Butterflies and Hazel Eyes
My heart broken, I dodged to the left and stumbled onto the road that led to the campground. A sob tore from my lips as I trudged up the dark road, the lights of a few campers glowing in the distance. The corn rustled in the fields on each side of me, and the sound made me whimper. I was leaving Plentiful. I was leaving Laverne, Lucy, Kevin, Honey... Another sob tore from my lips, and I fell to my knee, using my shoulder to wipe the tears off my face.
“It’s okay, Charity,” I said aloud to myself when I stood up and started walking again. “You and Mojo have been alone for six years. You can be alone for another six years. You won’t even be alone. You’ll have new coworkers and people you can hang out with on a Saturday night when your pathetic butt doesn’t have anyone else in her life. Maybe, eventually, perhaps after a few years, you might even consider them a friend.” Sarcastic laughter escaped. “That will never happen. I’m going to blow right past Gary, Indiana, and keep running,” I sobbed, swiping at my nose again. “Come on, Mojo.”
I froze before I could take the next step. Mojo! I left him in the basement at Butterfly Junction. I jumped up and down angrily, throwing gravel and dust around when I kicked the pebbles at my feet. “Damn it, Charity!”
I took a deep breath and let it back out. “He’s safe there. I’ll get Myrtle loaded, have one of the security team members let me in to get him, and be gone without Gulliver even knowing I was there.”
A broad figure stepped into my path when I looked up, and I froze. “Miss Puck. You’ll need to come with me now.”
CHAPTER 16
Simon helped me out of the SUV and to the back door of Butterfly Junction. The door flew open, and Gulliver stood there, his chest heaving. His face wore a mask of fear, pain, and something likened to shame. He kept his gaze on the floor rather than look at me or Simon. Mojo was at his side and pushed past him to get to me. He would have bowled me over if Simon hadn’t grabbed me at the last minute. I grabbed the dog and hugged his neck tightly, glad to be reunited with him.
“I assume she will be safe here for the night now?” Simon asked, herding all of us to Gulliver’s apartment.
Gulliver assured him I would be and closed the door. “I just want to talk, Charity,” he said when I wouldn’t turn around. “I don’t want to leave it like this.”
“Fine, but then I’m going back to Myrtle,” I said, my voice nasally.
I couldn’t shut off my feelings for him just because I was mad at him. I would let him talk, but then I would take some time to sort out my feelings.
“Sit down and hear me out?” he asked. “I know you’re upset and hurt, but I hope you’ll give me a chance to apologize. We’re mature adults, and we can talk about this without storming off like children and never speaking again. I don’t want that to happen between us, Charity.”
My shoulders slumped, and I sighed, climbing up to sit at the far end of the couch. “You don’t have to apologize if what you said is true, Gulliver. I can be hurt, but it can also be the truth. It is what it is.” Mojo pressed himself against me, sensing I was upset. I rubbed his head, his giant chin covering my entire knee when it rested there.
“To a degree, it is true,” he admitted. “The only way to save a butterfly habitat is to avoid poisoning the butterflies. When you started talking about the educational side of the business, you hit a nerve. A nerve that’s been raw for some time now.”
I held up my hands and waved them so he didn’t think I wanted to hash this out all over again. “I wasn’t trying to. I was wondering, nothing more.”
“And a normal person wouldn’t have been defensive about it. I apologize for not considering your feelings when I answered. The truth is, I know how everything I set out to do fell by the wayside the deeper we got into the research. Would I love to be out educating people about how to avoid harming the bees and pollinators we rely on to keep us alive? You bet I would, but it feels counterintuitive until we have a way for them to do it without spreading more pesticide around the community.”
I held up my finger to pause his thought. “But if you go out and educate people about the issue, wouldn’t that be a start in cutting down on the amount of -cides farmers are using on their fields? They’re trying to feed us, but they don’t realize they’re killing the very things they need to pollinate their crops. It’s a giant never-ending circle until they shine the spotlight on your research and more people join your cause. If you start educating people about the -cides that are harming the pollinators, you might find a new army of investors, land suppliers, and farmers with crops you can use to test your product. Farmers are some of the best allies in your field, but not if they’re unaware of the problem or the solution. They’re out there on the frontline using products they know are causing bees to die, not to mention ruining our water. What they don’t know is how close you are,” I said, holding my fingers an inch apart, “to solving the problem. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“You’re saying the farmers will help us finish our research so the product will get out faster. If we do it right, our first line of defense is already in place.”
I motioned at him as if to sayexactly.“I understand it’s important to keep the research under wraps for now, but you don’t have to keep the information about how bad the current pesticides are to yourself. If you’re out teaching the farmers and conservation groups about the cause and effect now, they’ll be more likely to switch to the safe pesticide when it becomes available.”
He rubbed his temple while he considered what I said. “I didn’t think of it that way, but you’re right. The product does no good if it sits on the shelves because no one understands the importance of using it. We had blinders on while we worked to protect the information without thinking about what to do with said information once we had it. I need to talk to Mathias about this tomorrow. I may need to get back out on the street and start giving talks again, going to farmers’ meetings, and visiting large operations.”
I grasped the couch cushion to keep from going to him. I just wanted to touch him and remind myself I wasn’t alone. “I could help you put together some information about the research, as well as the what and why of what you’re trying to achieve, in flyer form. It’s important to have the correct information for each group of people you’re addressing. We’d have one for the small gardeners, the farmers, the beekeepers, and the conservationists.”
“We could work together to make sure it was easy to understand and concise,” he agreed, a smile tipping his lips again. He scooted forward and took my hands, holding them tightly. “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I truly am. I hate my work life right now, Charity. I’m not a chemist or a bioengineer, just like you said. I’m just a guy who loves chasing butterflies. I couldn’t see a path or a way to change that until you showed me one. Your tiny footsteps were the ones that made it. I owe you so much, including half of my business for what you’ve done to save it.”
“You don’t owe me anything. I wasn’t trying to upset you,” I promised, shaking my head. “What you said about a paradigm shift got me thinking. Every day we’re together, I watch you fighting against that shift. Sometimes you just have to let it happen and follow it.”
He nodded, tracing a finger down my cheek. “I agree, and I think the same advice applies to you, right?” I nodded. “Good, then right now I want to stop fighting the way I feel about you and consciously allow the shift to happen.”
“I don’t understand, Gulliver,” I whispered, but the words sounded desperate to my ears. I was desperate. Desperate to understand what he was trying to say.
His eyes closed, and his hands slipped up my face, where he stroked my temples with his thumbs. When his eyes opened again, the hazel was fathomless, but the gold was vibrant. I didn’t know which one to get lost in first.
“Understand this, Miss Puck,” he whispered. “I’m in love with you. I’m in love with every fiber of your being from the way you type code at ninety miles a minute to the way you stubbornly stomp down a gravel road on teeny feet, and everything in between. The day you walked through my door, the sun started to shine again.” He let out a nervous breath and rubbed at his chest like he was in pain.
I gasped, my heart pounding in my chest and tears welling in my eyes. “Gulliver,” I said, but he shook his head and laid his finger to my lips.
“Let me finish, please,” he begged, so I nodded against his finger. “See, I believe that we only get one true meant-to-be. Everyone before and everyone after can be your love, your friend, and your partner, but they will never be your true one. When you walked through the door of Butterfly Junction and stood before me, it was a good thing I was sitting down. You were a knock-me-off-my-feet kind of beauty that I knew came along once in a lifetime. It only took one look in your eyes for me to know the truth. You were my true one. Whether you believe I’m yours or not is up to you to decide, but I know you’re mine. Whether we keep feeling this way or not doesn’t change what the universe has put into play here. The night we were stranded on the beach together, I spent hours memorizing your face while you slept, just in case you left the next day and I never got to spend another minute with you. When I kiss you, my heart pounds in the rhythm of love. When we’re together, my whole soul screams out in need. I need to hold and protect you forever. Your lifestyle scares me, and I know I have to trust you, but it’s not always easy. Opening my heart to you means it could get broken. I’ve accepted the possibility, but I won’t let it control me any longer. I love you, Charity.”
He paused and my heart soared with joy to hear those words. No one had ever said them to me before and I wasn’t expecting so much emotion to burst forth from my chest. A smile stole across my face when he brushed a tender kiss across my knuckles.
