Page 32 of Butterflies and Hazel Eyes
He nodded, and I noticed his eyes dimmed at the mention of kids. “I suppose you’re probably right. I’ve never been there.”
I leaned back on the couch to relax. “You’d have a ball, Gulliver. There are butterflies everywhere. They flit and float in and among the people as if we’re in their way. Oh, speaking of butterflies, Busch Gardens,” I said, my hand over my heart. “Gorgeous.”
He shifted in the chair to make better eye contact with me. “I haven’t been there either, but I have been to the Victoria Butterfly Garden in British Columbia. It’s where I fell in love with butterflies and their flirty ways. I was a third-year college student, and it cemented my decision to go on to be a lepidopterist. It’s funny how life works.”
I rested my head on the couch, exhaustion setting in after a long couple of days. “I agree, there’s something out there for everyone. I’ve stood on top of the Space Needle, flown in a bush plane over Alaska, gazed upon the Grand Canyon, holed up in the Alamo, dodged gators in Florida, and visited the birthplace of Baron von Steuben.”
“Baron von who?” he asked, leaning forward.
“You don’t know who Baron von Steuben is?” My mouth fell agape in shock and horror. “The guy responsible for training the troops at Valley Forge?” His gaze was vacant, and I did a facepalm. I waved my hand in the air. “Okay, never mind. I visited the capitol, of course, but was only impressed with the Tomb of the Unknowns and Arlington Cemetery.”
“I agree. The White House was cool, but they were cooler. Oh, and the National Archives Museum. Let me tell you, the Constitution sat before me, and I couldn’t believe I was that close to it.”
I pointed at him in excitement for a shared experience. “Yes! I marveled at how it was bigger than I am,” I joked, laughing with him. “It’s interesting how you can find so many things to do when you open your eyes to what’s out there in this big, big world. I found the little things equally as exciting as the big things that I did.”
“What little things?” he asked curiously. I could tell he was genuinely interested in my life experiences and not just making small talk. I wanted to sit and talk to him forever. He was always eager to hear what I had to say, and the way his eyes gazed at me with curiosity and lust made me eager to spend time with him too.
“Things like stopping at a roadside diner and discovering the best chili ever made, or noticing a roadside fruit stand with a grizzled old man tending to his wares. You stop for an orange, but he tells you about how he immigrated here from Poland during World War II and how he’s made his living by selling fruit. You park your motor home in a state park for the night, planning to leave in the morning, but when the sun comes up, you see waterfalls, lush green paths, and quiet reflection pools, so you stay and explore. North Dakota is pretty remote in some areas, so you’d find a town and stop, only to discover the best biscuits and gravy, or a classic drive-in movie theater showing films from the good old days.”
I went quiet and considered my past travels for a moment before continuing. “Mostly it’s about not always taking the blacktopped path. Veering off to find the things no one talked about was an actual bucket list entry of mine. I veered off the path in every state at least once, sometimes more. Like the time Myrtle broke down in Nevada, and I had to stick around for a few days while they fixed her. I rented a car and drove around the area. The best part was sitting among the Joshua trees. Mind-blowing silence is the only way I can describe it. I’ll never forget them.”
“I would say you’re well-traveled, at least within the fifty states, but I think it would be more accurate to say you’ve figured out what’s important when you travel.”
“When you put it that way, I suppose so. I visited Canada for a few days, but that’s the only place I’ve been that’s out of the country. I want to go back there and see Thunder Bay and the amethyst mine.” I paused. “Oh, can I add the amethyst mine to the bucket list?”
He held his hand out for a high five. “You can. It appears the bucket list is still going strong.”
I pondered his words for a few minutes while I finished up what I could on the iPad without my computer. I glanced up at him when it was complete. “I think it’s important to have dreams, Gulliver, even if they’re small ones. That’s what the bucket list was for me. The lifestyle I live isn’t all fun and games, but I’ve learned sometimes you take the good with the bad in life. I enjoyed having the freedom to be my own boss and chase my dreams even if that meant I never put down roots anywhere. I guess that’s why the opportunity waiting up the road in Indiana is the best of both worlds.”
“What does it offer you that being your own boss doesn’t?” he asked, his fingers tapping nervously on the armchair.
“That job would give me flexibility but also a place to call home. It would give me the opportunity to travel around to their different properties, with a home base where I can live the way normal people live. An apartment. A car. A sense of belonging. Those things are hard for me, though.”
“Why? They’re basic adult situations, Charity.”
I stared him down for a breath, trying to decide if being honest with him about my inability to commit was the smart thing to do. Maybe it wasn’t, but it was the right thing to do. Gulliver should know the truth about who I am at my core, so he didn’t get ideas about things I will never be able to give him.
“I know they are, Gulliver. I’m just not good at commitments that last longer than one job. I’m always wondering what I’m missing if I pass on the next job or the next job. I think that stems from the fact that my entire childhood was about missing out on life. I don’t want to waste more time missing out on new life experiences.”
“An argument could be made that you’re missing out on new life experiences by not committing, Charity,” he said quietly. “A lot of them, actually. You’ve been here a little over two weeks. Do you feel like you’re missing out on the next job by staying here? Because if you do, I don’t want to hold you back.”
His words were tight and pained. I had hurt him by telling him the truth. I could read that loud and clear on his face. Gulliver never could hide his emotions, which was what I liked about him, but when I was the one to put the pain in those beautiful eyes, I didn’t like it so much. It made me feel like the worst person in the world. He was an open book, and I was a locked tome. There was little chance we’d ever last even if we tried.
I reached for his hand, but he pulled it back before I could grasp it. “No, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on the next big thing, Gulliver. We aren’t done here. We still have to get your business tight.”
The light in his eyes had gone out, and all I saw was exhaustion there now.Damn it, Charity,I scolded myself,way to ruin a great night.I knew it had to be done though. I couldn’t lead him on forever.
I held up the iPad. “We’ll get there. I’ve cleaned out the cloud, and tomorrow I’ll use the tool I have to reset all four of them. That way the documents won’t hang around for thirty days. Then we’ll upload some relatively benign files and set up alerts for them. I would highly suggest you use these as little as possible. If you have to scan something in, use the scanner on the pad and not an outside app. Once you’ve got it uploaded, delete it immediately. Don’t save passwords either. Hopefully you won’t have to do this forever, but for the next few months—or until you catch whoever is behind the attempt to steal your data—it’s important to stay vigilant.”
He gave me a jaunty salute ofyes, ma’am.“I agree, and we’re going to change the way we do things to keep better control of our information. You’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things in both my personal and private life. I owe you more than I can ever afford to pay you.”
“You are paying me. Maybe not in monetary ways, but in more important ways. There is more to life than money. Money allows me to do what I want to do, but it doesn’t control me. If I don’t have money to do X experience, I find a free one to do instead.”
“More people need to see the world the way you do. If they did, we’d all be a lot better off. If they did, I might not need to risk everything to make sure the human race can continue to eat.” His folded hands were tapping his chin in frustration, and his face was pinched from fatigue, pain, and anger.
“I know you’re caught up in the idea you have to save the world’s food supply, but I sense you’d rather be concentrating on something else.”
“I’d rather concentrate on butterfly and honeybee habitat,”—he waved his hand as if to flick the idea way—“but that would be a fool’s errand until I solve the problem of the current pesticides killing all of them. If I don’t solve the pesticide problem first, a habitat is pointless. The butterflies would just carry the pesticide to my habitat and kill it.”
