Page 24 of Butterflies and Hazel Eyes
“You know, as a kid it didn’t cross my mind that I was different except for when they were doing surgeries and attempting to lengthen the bone. I was in constant pain then, so it was a relief once it healed from the final surgery and infection. It didn’t hurt anymore, and for a few years all was well, even wearing the lift. I could run, chase my brother, ride a bike, and just be a kid.”
“If it’s okay to ask, what happened to the right leg then? You mentioned rickets to me initially.”
He patted the knee on the right and gave me a grim smile. “Rickets is an easy explanation, but not the truth. Have you ever heard of Blount’s disease?”
I shook my head but held tight to his hand. “Never. Another childhood thing?”
“It can be,” he agreed, finishing his beer and putting the bottle back in the cooler. “In my case, I didn’t get it in infancy, but rather the adolescent form. I was thirteen when the bowing started. It’s always unilateral, so of course, it would be the only good, strong leg I had. Even though we were in better living conditions by then, with my history of infections, the doctors decided against surgery for it. They made a special brace to apply pressure at the femur, knee, and ankle in alternating directions. The point was to realign the knee and keep it stable.”
I grimaced as I stared at his leg. “It didn’t work.”
“It did, actually, at least a little bit,” he said, as he righted himself against the log. “It used to be more severe than it is now, if you can believe that. The brace was never going to correct the issue; that ship sailed.” He laughed and the sound was sardonic to my ears. It was several minutes before he spoke again. “No pun intended.”
I leaned over and wrapped my short, thin arms around his chest, offering an impromptu hug. “I like your sense of humor, Gulliver. You make me laugh just by being you. That’s not something just anyone can do.”
“You’re saying you’re a tough nut to crack up?” With his arms wrapped around me, his laughter flowed through me and out my lips. I chuckled but didn’t end the hug, and neither did he. Being in his arms calmed me and offered comfort in a world where I had none. The way he rested his cheek on the top of my head was tender and gentle, as though I was going to break if he didn’t treat me with the utmost care. That did something to the inside of my chest when I thought about how such a simple action, one he probably didn’t even think about doing, could be a piece of tape to my shattered crystal heart. Every shard was an experience in my past that chipped away at the crystal until it crumbled from the force of life.
“You make me forget for a few minutes that my life consists of jacked-up legs that fill me with complicated situations and feelings no one else understands or wants to deal with.”
“I don’t imagine that’s easy, but you’re doing something right, Gulliver. You’re successful, smart, and have a good life. Not everyone can say the same.”
“I suppose not,” he agreed. “I would probably give it all up for what my brother has, though.”
“I always wanted a sibling. It would be nice to have someone to talk to sometimes. What’s his name?” I asked, stroking his arm as we sat in the night air. “You said you’d give it all up for what he has. What does he have that you don’t?”
“His name is Jonathan. He lucked out in the name department too,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “He’s married to a beautiful woman named Petra, and his little boy, Levi, adores him. He goes home every night to people who love him. I work until I’m too tired to do anything but go home and sleep. Then I get up and do it all over again the next day because I have nothing else in my life.”
“Your work matters to all of us, Gulliver,” I assured him, squeezing his hand.
He leaned back against the log and sighed. “I know, but I should be able to do my work and still have a personal life, right?”
“Absolutely,” I agreed. “What’s stopping you?”
He immediately flopped his legs on the sand. “These.”
It was as if the one word encompassed everything he had to say about the subject, but one word wasn’t going to do it for me. “I’m not sure I understand. Why do your legs stop you from dating women?”
“It’s hard to start a date off on the right foot when you have to pick her up on crutches, Charity. You’re instantly friend-zoned. They go through with a date or two out of pity, and then they just stop answering your calls. I don’t even bother anymore. It’s not worth the heartache.”
I ran my hand down his shoulder, grasping his tight bicep and squeezing. “Do you know the first thing I noticed about you when we met?” He shook his head. “How strong your arms were. Your biceps bulged to the point I noticed them under that grasshopper sweater covering them.”
This time he laughed full on, and it filled my heart with joy to have broken through his darkness to help him find light again. “You’re just saying that. I don’t even work out.”
“But you do,” I shared honestly. “Every time you get up and strap on those crutches, you’re working out. Every step you take is a workout for your arms. You just don’t think about it because the crutches have been part of your life for so long. I guess what I’m saying is, they don’t matter to every woman. They won’t matter to the right woman. I want you to understand they don’t matter to me. I didn’t even notice them when we first met.”
“You sorely lack observational skills then.”
I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t, so I did. “No, I’m incredibly observant. My job is to be observant. I notice everything. The difference is, I can easily pick out what should concern me and what shouldn’t. I should have said I noticed the crutches, but they weren’t a concern for me because your legs were never a concern to me. I don’t mean that in the way it sounds,” I said, pausing. “I mean that I would never consider your legs to be a reason not to hang out with you. Look at me. I don’t roll that way with anyone, Gulliver.”
He rubbed his right knee again, and what I had thought was a nervous habit, I realized was because of pain. “I would guess that you’re probably used to dealing with discrimination too.”
I shook my head. “I’m underestimated a lot because of my size, but I see that as a challenge rather than an insult. I have enough experience with being the underdog to realize the sum of you doesn’t culminate in your legs. There’s far more to who you are than your mobility aids. It wouldn’t be any different if you were sitting in a wheelchair.”
“And I might be someday,” he admitted. “There’s a real possibility my legs will give out.”
“None of the above factors mean you aren’t worthy of finding someone to be with, Gulliver. I understand there’s a self-esteem issue there, and you’ve come by it rightly so, but not everyone sees your legs and automatically thinks you’re incapable. I never did. When you stood up that day from behind your desk, I just saw Gulliver Winsome. The most interesting man I’d ever met dressed in a goofy grasshopper sweater and wearing the most engaging pair of honest hazel eyes I’d ever had the pleasure to gaze upon.”
He lowered one brow toward his nose. “Sure, whatever you say,Miss Laverne Says to Stay Away from the Island.”
