Page 63 of Inherited Light
I was rather unsure about the whole thing by the time I drove home, so I decided to put them under the bed. She would never know they were there until I decided what I wanted to do. My gut told me I should have a conversation with her about it, but it had to be at a time when our worlds weren’t upside down. I was waiting in the bedroom when she finished. I lifted her, holding her around the waist, while she wrapped her arms around my neck, so I could sway with her. It had become a nightly routine. Sometimes we turned on music and sometimes we enjoyed the silence of the space. Tonight, I chose silence, and kissed her temple as I rocked her back and forth. She told me it felt good to be upright, even if it wasn’t under her own power.
“I love this time we spend together,” I whispered as we danced. “And I love you.”
She laid her head on my chest. “I’m going to miss you when you leave.”
“Who said I was leaving?” I asked, resting my chin on her head.
“You did, if not in so many words. You told Noah when the job was over you didn’t know what you were going to do.”
I tightened my arms around her waist. “No, sweetheart. What I meant was I didn’t know what I would do to keep you safe. Once I’m not at the shelter every day it’s hard to squirrel you away upstairs. Tabitha has asked me to help her with new display cases and remodel work on the store she’s opening, which is great, but doesn’t make it easy to protect you.”
“I don’t want to be squirreled away. I want to get back to my business before I don’t have one.”
I kissed her temple again. “I know. I decided if they don’t have a suspect in custody by next week, I’ll hire a bodyguard so you can go back to the gallery during the day. Tabitha’s shop is only about a block from there, so I’ll be close by and could be there in an instant.”
I fell silent for a few moments as I held her. It would be okay. “I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe. Even if it means being your bodyguard and not working until this is settled. I can’t lose you,” I said emphatically.
“Why do I have such a hard time believing you?” she asked quietly. “I want to believe you, but I can’t. I can’t believe I’m the one you want.”
“Then I’ll have to show you,” I said matter of fact. “I’m trying to find someone to take over the lease on my apartment, so I can live here. If I don’t, I’ll lose my security deposit and owe three months’ rent, but I’m sure I’ll find someone who needs a place with the added perk of free meals.” I bent and hooked my arm under her knees, carrying her to the bed. I found if I held her too long with her legs hanging down it would start to hurt her back.
I lowered the lights and jogged around to the other side of the bed. “How does the ankle and back feel after therapy?” I asked as I situated her pillows. Cinn and Foster had been taking turns with me driving her to therapy the last couple of weeks. If I had an appointment with a contractor, they made sure she got to therapy. The sprain had healed well, but she wasn’t improving with her back.
“Ankle is great. The therapist said there’s only so much we can do considering I don’t walk on it. I won’t be hurting it by not wearing the brace now, but I can’t wear tight stockings or tight shoes. The back is coming along. It will never be perfect, but if I can get away without surgery then I think I’ll be happy to live with what little pain I have.”
“You don’t have to live with any pain if you have the surgery, honey. It sounded to me like the new laser procedure wouldn’t require a long recovery and would keep the disc from pinching the nerve.”
“Maybe, or maybe it makes the whole thing worse. I want to give therapy a chance,” she said defensively.
“Okay,” I soothed. “I’ll support you no matter what you choose to do.” I rubbed her belly, being careful of the tube taped to the side.
She sighed and shook her head on the pillow. “What are we going to do? The cops need to find this person soon. I feel like such a burden and I promised myself I would never be a burden to anyone, ever.”
I sat up and swung around, shifting her legs over mine and sitting so her pelvis rested against mine. “You’re not a burden. Don’t ever let me hear you say that again,” I scolded, my tone angry and frustrated.
She threw her arms out to the side. “But I am! I can’t take care of myself when push comes to shove, Ren. I’m about as vulnerable as they come.”
I grabbed her hands and lowered them to the bed. “Just because you’re in danger doesn’t make you a burden. I’m in danger, too. If the right person decides they have it out for me, they could take me down just as easily as they could take you down. It’s not about being a burden, Cat, not at all.”
“What is it about then, oh great wise one,” she asked sarcastically.
“It’s about fear of the unknown. Fear of giving yourself over to someone who might throw a monkey wrench in how you live. Someone who might decide they want to stick around, whether you’re testing them or because they actually want to.”
“What do you mean testing them?” she asked, but I could see it written all over her face. She had been testing me and I called her bluff.
“If you think I don’t know the invitation to move in here was a test then you don’t give me much credit. The thing is, I would move in here in a heartbeat, if you weren’t asking me as a test. I would have my bags packed and in the truck faster than you could have a house key made.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I, we, but…”
I laughed softly and unfolded her arms, so she couldn’t retain the anger it allowed her to harbor. “I had a talk with Cinn today, and she told me you aren’t happy I’ve decided to wait until we’re married to be intimate.”
She looked away instantly, which told me Cinn had been right on the money. “Not what I said.”
“In some way, you must have for Cinn to ask me why I wouldn’t make love to you until we were married. Interestingly, the reason I didn’t want to make love to you was the reason you started to worry at all. I hoped marrying you first would make you worry less about me leaving, until Cinn pointed out a few things.”
“Like what?” she asked, finally making eye contact again.
“She gave me the perspective of a woman with a medical condition. She explained by making you wait until our wedding night I would cause more anxiety than exploring our sexuality beforehand, so our wedding night wasn’t something to dread, but to anticipate. I didn’t think about it until she said it, but then it became obvious you were both right. I would never want you to be so anxious about the wedding night it consumed your thoughts on your wedding day.”
