Page 39 of Inherited Light
Her voice was soft and low, but also sad and accepting. For whatever reason, she believed I wouldn’t accept her after I saw her legs. I still had no idea what transverse myelitis was, but I didn’t think it would be a good idea to mention it now.
“You’re beautiful, Cat. You take my breath away,” I told her, accepting the towel she held through the curtain. “It’s all I can do not to come in there and wash every inch of you myself. The only reason I’m not doing it is because you’re injured. You might as well know I’m completely smitten with you.”
There was silence and then the water drowned out any chance of discussion, so I let her take care of showering while I held her towel. She must have decided not to wash her long hair, because the water cut off after less than five minutes and she held her hand outside the curtain for the towel. I put it in her hand and waited while she dried off.
“Will you go get my wheelchair?” she called from behind the curtain. “This one is too wet to take to my room.”
“I need to help you get the bag off the splint, right?” I asked her. The curtain opened and the towel covered her again. There were goosebumps on her skin from the cool night air, but the bag was still on her leg. I took a hand towel from the sink and dried the bag off the best I could, so I didn’t splatter water on the boot. Once I had the bag off, I hung it on the back of the chair to dry.
“How about if I carry you to bed? You can get dressed while I get your chair and then I’ll get you an icepack for your ankle and help you get adjusted in bed.”
She grabbed my wrist, her grip surprisingly strong. “You’re not leaving, right?”
I kissed her as an answer, my tongue forcing open her lips and drinking from the sweet nectar which was undeniably her. I ended the kiss, but kept my lips near hers. “Not for a moment, honey.”
I bent down and lifted her from the chair, noting her back dripped water onto my bare arm. I carried her into the bedroom, forcing myself not to think about how soft her skin was on my hands. I set her on the edge of the mattress, leaning her forward onto me. “I’m going to take the towel off and dry your back, so you don’t have to lie in wet sheets. I promise to put the towel on you again before I lay you back.”
She shook her head no and grasped the towel tighter. “No, I’m not wet,” she said, holding firmly to the towel.
I could sense she wasn’t going to let me see her naked, so I grabbed a t-shirt at the end of the bed and dried her back. “There, now you can rest well,” I said. Before I could help her lie back, she put her hands on the bed and leaned backward, taking the towel with her. I instinctively grabbed her legs and settled them carefully over the pillow she put under her knees. She was gloriously naked under the towel and the sliver of curls peeking out from under it nearly drove me to my knees. It took every ounce of willpower I had to keep my gaze cast away from her body until I could draw the comforter over her. I tucked it in around her a little bit and made eye contact.
“Where do I find your pajamas?” I asked, leaning on the side of the bed to talk. My face was close to hers and she looped her hands behind my neck tugging me to her. She didn’t want a kiss, only reassurance. She wanted trust. She wanted someone to care about her. I could feel how much she needed those things and I silently promised to be the one to offer it. I held her, trying not to think about her bare breasts trapped against my chest.
I slid my hand under her curly hair and ran it up and down her back. “You’re going to be okay, Cat. I won’t stop until we find out who did this.”
She didn’t sit back, but I felt her warm breath on my cheek when she exhaled. “I already know who did it. Xavier. Who else would do something like this? He’s obsessed.”
I kissed her cheek and leaned back. “You don’t know for sure. Don’t borrow trouble until we do.”
She released me and leaned back against the pillow, the towel having fallen to below her breasts, revealing their fullness. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. Her mounds were tanned, firm and drew me in, each with a perfectly round dark nipple begging for my touch. I closed my eyes and half laughed, half moaned. “You’re killing me, Cat.”
She slipped her hand in mine and I opened my eyes, thinking she had covered herself, but she hadn’t. “I want to know how you feel about my body, Ren. You’ve seen my legs; how bony and useless they are. What about the rest of me? Are my breasts nice? Does any part of me turn you on? I need to know before I let myself fall in love with you. I’m not a normal woman. In fact, I’m probably the least normal woman you’ve ever dated.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand up and down her rib cage. My fingers ached to stray to her breasts, but I kept them on the edge of them, forcing myself to behave. Her skin was cool to the touch after spending so much time in the cold air, but my hand burned to think it was only inches away from my desires and I couldn’t touch them.
“I’m not looking for a normal woman to date, Cat. I’m looking for an extraordinary woman to date. Do you turn me on? I’ll be perfectly honest with you. Right now, it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have not to slide my hand to your breasts and lower my lips to one of your perfect nipples. Do you turn me on? Oh, you have no idea, baby. When you invited me back to your house for wine tonight, the first thing I did when I was alone was check my wallet for a condom. I remembered I don’t carry condoms in my wallet and disappointment flowed through me. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to stoke anything between us. Then, you wanted wine, and I stopped at the liquor store. While I checked out, I noticed condoms with the Advil and Tylenol, so I bought a box. I had no intention of making love to you tonight, but I did want to make sure if the moment arose over the next few months, I could protect you.”
She lifted my hand from her side and slid it onto her breast. I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath as my hand cupped her. “You’re so soft,” I whispered, rubbing my hand over her skin. “This is a dangerous game we’re playing, Cat.” I opened my eyes and drank her in. “You’re incredible. Your beauty is exotic and my groin reacts every time I think about being intimate with you. You certainly have my attention right now, in more ways than one.”
“Do you think my body is okay?” she asked, her eyes searching mine.
As hard as it was to do, I removed my hand from her chest and covered her with the blanket. I strode to her dresser before I lost my nerve and opened drawers until I found what I was searching for. I took out a long t-shirt and a pair of shorts, carrying them back to the bed. I bunched the t-shirt up, being careful of the knot on her head as I lowered it over her shoulders. She slipped her arms through the holes and I lowered the head of the bed downward, pulling the shirt down to the level of the blanket. I handed her the shorts, knowing she wouldn’t want me to put them on her, and she accepted them. “Do I think your body is okay? No, I think your body is amazing and my self-control is slowly dissipating. Please put the shorts on before I do something I shouldn’t.”
I turned my back to her and closed my eyes while I heard her rustling on the bed. When it was silent again, I sat back on the bed and took her hand in mine. Her eyes were sleepy, but I also noticed a hint of shame hiding in the depths of the darkness. I tipped her chin up with my index finger. “I want you to understand something, Cat. Right now, if I could, I would lie down on this bed and kiss every bit of bare skin on your body. I can’t, though, because neither of us are in the shape to make decisions tonight we’ll be forced to live with the consequences of tomorrow. You’re injured and need to rest and heal. I have a splitting headache and need to lie down—”
“Oh, I see, you have a headache,” she said, turning away from me and toward the wall.
I tipped her face back to me. “I really do have a headache, and I know you do, too. When I make love to you, I want you to enjoy every second of my hands and lips on your body pleasuring you. I don’t want to feel like my head is splitting open every time I turn it. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. When we come together I want to be able to remember it, forever.”
She bit her lower lip and nodded, her body limp from the medications they gave her at the hospital, and her eyes nearly closed. I leaned down and gathered her in my arms. “Your body is perfect,” I said, and she snorted sarcastically against my shoulder. I kissed her neck and worked my way up toward her earlobe where I sucked tenderly for only a second. “Let me finish. Your body is perfect, for me. Maybe not for other men, but you must be doing something right if Xavier has carried a flame for you this long. I’ve had a front row seat to women feeling unattractive because of a condition they carry. I don’t know what yours is, Cat,” I paused. “Let me correct myself, I know what caused your legs to stop working, but I don’t know how what happened affected your soul. The doctor gave me a medical answer, but he couldn’t give me an emotional answer. I have a lot to learn about you, your hopes, and your dreams. It will be up to you to share with me the rest of the information, if you want me to know.”
“I told him you were my brother,” she said, shame filling her voice again.
I chuckled softly into the night. “You must be a terrible liar then because he knew I wasn’t your brother.”
Her shoulders sank even deeper into the bed after I laid her back against the mattress. “I wanted him to tell you because I don’t know how.”
I ran my thumb down her face and smiled. “He told me about your medical condition in relation to the fall you took from the wheelchair, but I haven’t had time to Google any of the fancy words he used.” I winked and she laughed, which offered my heart a small amount of relief. At least she could still joke about it. “While he may not have told me everything, I feel empowered now. I can ask the right questions and learn about you and your life. I want you to know I do understand how you’re feeling. Cinn once told me dating felt like a minefield. She didn’t know when to mention her disease, how to mention it, or if she should mention it. More often than not, no matter what she did, she lost the person she cared about because of her disease. I’ve seen the toll it takes and I’ve held her while she cried. I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t think you were the right woman for me. Note I said ‘woman’ and not ‘body’. You’re more than the physical body the world sees. The depth of your soul far and wide exceeds the extent of your physical abilities, Cat. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m not scared, because I am.”
