Page 75 of Hiding Rose
“We do,” he agreed, holding my back so I was pressed against his chest, “but, you see men have the easy part. We contribute when all we feel is absolute and complete pleasure. Women do all the hard work, and pregnancy is painful and tiring. Just sayin’.”
I lifted my head to his and he kissed me then, the pace frenzied and deep. I wanted to be as deeply seeded in him as he did in me, but we were constrained by our earthly bodies. Our souls yearned to be free and kept us crushed together, soaking up the taste of each other.
He tore his lips from mine and held my face. “Dinner will be here in a few minutes,” he said, as his eyes turned dark and hooded.
“What did you make me this time?”
“Well, you see a little bird told me your favorite dish in the whole world is smothered chicken on a bed of Minnesota wild rice,” he answered.
I put my hand to my chest. “Mom?”
He shook his head. “Kate. I asked her what you ate the most when you worked together. She didn’t even have to think about it.”
I laughed, my head nodding. “I ate it all the time because it was fast and easy to make. I haven’t had it since I left Minnesota.”
“Your taste buds are about to explode then. Keep in mind, Chef Veggie Bear made a few modifications to the recipe, but I’m confident you’ll love it.”
I grinned, rubbing my hands together. “I would expect no less, but I have no qualms. It will be the best version I’ve ever had. Speaking of Kate, and my mom, it seems you’ve been keeping some secrets from me,” I said, patting his shoulder.
He had the good sense to look sheepish. “Okay, so I may have talked to them a few times, but Kate swore me to secrecy. I wasn’t going to be the one who ruined a surprise as big as your parents moving to Maui.” He was waving his hands in front of him and I grabbed them, holding them to my chest.
“I’m not mad, Sawyer. I’m teasing you. I spent a lot of years with Kate. I’m pretty sure I know you weren’t given a choice in the matter. And you know what?” I asked and he shook his head, his body relaxing. “I’m glad I didn’t know. You don’t get a lot of really good, happy, lifechanging surprises in your life. I’ve gotten two, and I feel lucky to have both you, and them, here with me now.”
He laid his lips on mine in a gentle understanding of my words, then bent and rolled his pants up. I noticed he wasn’t wearing socks or shoes for the first time, and now his tux pants were at his knees. He knelt and tugged my ballet slippers off, leaving the brace on, but scooping me up into his arms. I grabbed him around the neck and squealed. “Sawyer, what are you doing?”
“Taking you to the surf,” he answered, his lips on mine. “It’s been too long. The brace can get wet, right?”
I nodded instead of answering, our lips joined again in a languid song of love. He lowered me to the surf, the water brushing over our feet, warm and soft. He took my hands and in the light of the moon I saw his eyes flash dusky as he gazed at me.
“You don’t know this,” he began as we stood together, two tiny entities surrounded by one bigger than anything we could fathom, “but when I met you, I was a mess. I was drinking too much, popping antidepressants, and sinking into a depression many worried I would never escape.”
I slipped my hand behind his neck and tugged him to me, resting my forehead on his. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He pulled away and took my hands again. “I was ashamed, but I also didn’t know how. You’ve gone through hell and back, and there was no way I was going to blubber on about feeling lost in this big world.”
I rubbed his cheek, his lips searching out and finding my thumb for a kiss. “There’s no competition when it comes to emotions, Sawyer. Was it the loss of your parents?”
It was his turn to take my face and caress it. “Partially, but it was also the loss of me. When they died, suddenly I had no connection with anyone on this planet. I have no family and no one I could turn to when the pain got to be too much. Maybe I’m a weak man—”
“No,” I interjected. “Emotions don’t make you weak. They make you human.”
He shrugged and nodded. “I’m definitely human, with emotions and weaknesses I was ashamed of, until I met you. It was Kate and Gideon who noticed me coming apart first. They convinced me to speak to a grief counselor and to stop drinking. When Kate brought you home, she came to me and handed me a piece of paper.”
I cocked my head. “What was on it?”
His thumb ran across my lips. “It was a dietary sheet from your hospital. They sent it with Kate to help you heal with the proper nutrition. When she handed me the paper, I suddenly had a purpose again. I wasn’t just feeding rich vacationers who wanted to gorge themselves on succulent lobster and thick, juicy steaks. I was responsible for the health and well-being of a sick and injured woman, who had no defense against the outside world. I made your first meal as a comfort meal, not worrying about how much protein was in it, but after I delivered it, and met you, I was a goner. I stayed up until two a.m. that night making a menu for the next month. I followed the guidelines from the hospital, while planning meals you’d find comforting. When I went to bed for the first time in years I had a reason to get up the next morning. I had to cook you breakfast.”
My chin trembled and I held his hand to my chest. “I had no idea.”
He shook his head and leaned in, kissing my lips once. “You were too out of it for a few weeks to know what was going on around you, but I didn’t care. I got up each morning and jogged to the kitchen. I would focus on your face as I whisked eggs or pancake mix, never tired, sad, or depressed. I had a reason and you were it. I did the same thing at lunch, and when dinner came and the kitchen was a harried mess of orders, we stopped it all to make your entrée. Slowly, over the next few months, you didn’t need my homemade meals as much, but as you healed, so did I. I discovered things about myself I never knew because I didn’t want to search too deeply. I was always the emotional boy and young man, and to be honest, I kind of wondered if I was gay. I was emotional and fearful of girls, but at the same time wanted to protect them all.”
I smiled and rubbed his chest. “Being gay isn’t a bad thing,” I said.
He squeezed my hand and nodded. “I know, but I guess what I’m saying is that didn’t feel right either. I was adrift and had to figure out who I was before it was too late. When I met you, all the little parts floating around inside me found each other. They collided as they pieced themselves together and I like to think the piece of the puzzle that was missing, was hope. For the first time in my life I wasn’t thinking only about myself. Growing up the way I did was tough. I didn’t have a choice but to think only of myself because if I didn’t, I’d be dead. It wasn’t an easy life, but I see now, you were the end of my rainbow all along. I love you, Rose, more than you’ll ever understand.”
I kissed his hand and gazed into his honest, tear filled eyes. The surf broke over us and we both smiled at the same time, the feeling of outside forces trying to move us, but not succeeding, wasn’t lost on us. “I love you, too. I could say you did the same for me, but now, listening to you bare your soul, I understand how many times you saved my life. Day after day you brought me food. Even when I never uttered a word, you were kind and loving. You always found a way to touch me tenderly without scaring or hurting me. I noticed, I don’t want you to think I didn’t, and your touch always calmed me. I would wait for mealtimes, knowing it was a chance to feel your touch again. In hindsight, as each day passed, I noticed you changing. I can’t describe how, because physically you were already handsome, but you still changed. You exuded the look of a man who took care of himself. Kate mentioned one day a few months ago how much you’ve turned your life around. I didn’t ask questions, because it wasn’t any of my business. Now I see she was telling me, without telling me, you needed me as much as I needed you.”
He grasped my face, planting a kiss on my lips. “Absolutely, beautiful. Kate is astute when it comes to matters of the heart and she knew. She saw it in my eyes every time I carried the tray into your room. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she orchestrated this whole thing.”
