Page 42 of Hiding Rose
My eyes fluttered closed. “I yearn for it,” I admitted. “Your touch and your protective grip on my heart are all I need.”
He fell backward onto the bed, pulling me with him. He held my face, his lips making love to mine in a haze of passion and need. My tongue darted out, colliding with his and tangling into each other as though we could be intertwined forever. His strong hands grasped my waist and hauled me up toward the pillows until I lay supported again. He lowered himself half over me, his hands in my hair as he moaned and dug deeper. The kiss was now a frenzied tangling of tongues and a cacophony of need ripping from our throats.
His lips broke the kiss and he trailed them down my neck until I tipped my head up, and offered the tender hollow for him to kiss and suck. He took advantage, being careful not to leave marks, but to show me his love rather than simply tell me. My body, overcome with emotion thrust against him, and I could feel his need straining against me. He slipped his hand under the strap of my dress and lowered the thin material until I could pull my arm out. His hand hovered at my side as his lips trailed lower, kissing the tender skin between my breasts. When I didn’t object, he lowered the dress and caught my soft breast as it fell from its trappings. We moaned at the same time, him with the pleasure of holding me, and me with the pleasure of being held. My brain was hazy with need for this man and I wanted nothing more than to have him buried inside me, and loving me forever. His lips traveled to the globe of creaminess in his hand and his tongue flicked out, tickling my nipple for barely a second. I arched my back, begging him to do it again. He did, and then captured it between his lips, suckling gently while rubbing himself against my leg for relief.
I cried out and struggled to get out from under him, my leg spasming from the direct contact. I gasped for breath as the limb twitched and spasmed, his face finally registering the situation through his lust.
“Dammit,” he said, his hands in his hair. He jumped off the bed and ran to the freezer, yanking an icepack from the door. He crawled across the bed as I took shallow breaths, squeezing my eyes shut in hopes not watching it would make it end quicker. He laid the icepack the entire length of my thigh and I jumped in protest, but he held it there, his voice soothing. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I lost control. I should have been paying attention. We’ll get through this,” he promised. His breathing was still ragged and his eyes were wild as he did everything he could to end my pain. “I read sometimes ice will trick the nerves by numbing them so they can’t fire,” he explained. The limb had stopped twitching, but was still rigid and twisted to the side. “Close your eyes and take some deep breaths, Rose,” he ordered. “Think about being in the one place you love the most. Is it the warmth of the sand on Kupid’s Cove?” he asked, bringing his hand under my knee to bend the leg. It complied and he braced my foot on the bed. “Can you hear the waves lapping against the shore and the hoots of the owls as they call to each other from the cliffs?”
“The palms are brushing against each other and the soft swishing relaxes me as I wade into the water,” I said, my eyes still closed as I pictured myself in the surf. “You’re beside me, your arm around my waist as we go farther and farther out.”
“How does the ocean feel as it laps against your body?” he asked, his fingers at my hip massaging, while his other hand held the icepack.
“It tickles and soothes at the same time. The salt water steals the pain from my foot and leaves it light and easy to move. For the first time in a long time I can concentrate on something other than walking. I notice the moonbeam on the water and then as it falls across your face. I reach up and run my hands through your hair as you lower your lips to mine,” I whispered. His fingers were still massaging my hip and the spasm had ended, leaving the leg weak, but no longer rigid or painful. I opened my eyes and his were trained on me. There was pain, guilt, and desire filling them.
“I’m angry at myself,” he said, his fingers still moving on my hip. “I got lost in your body and I hurt you.”
“Come here,” I said, motioning him toward my chest. “The spasm is gone now.”
He glanced down at it, and must have been satisfied with the state of the leg. He settled the icepack the long way, so it wouldn’t fall off, and scooted up near my head. He brushed a piece of hair off my forehead and smiled, though it didn’t go all the way to his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again.
“Stop apologizing, Sawyer,” I ordered. “I was a willing participant and didn’t think about it either, which I guess you could look at as a good thing. I was lost in the moment and forgot about my leg for the first time in almost a year. In my book, that makes you a miracle worker.”
He hung his head after he nodded acknowledgement. “I’m glad I was able to take you out of your worries for a moment, but I’m angry I wasn’t more careful. I ruined what could have been a beautiful thing.”
I touched his arm. "When it's meant to happen, it will. Right now, it's less about the act and more about the intimacy for me. I need you to understand I'm skittish and I might have stopped you before we went much further anyway."
He glanced up. "Did I read you wrong? I thought you were enjoying it as much as I was."
"I was, Sawyer, but it's been a long time since I was with someone and it didn't work out too well for me."
He shook his head. "I'm not Jarrett. You don't have to be afraid of me."
I closed my eyes and swallowed, wondering how to explain it. "I know you aren't Jarrett and you won't hurt me, but I've come this far by fighting the fear of everyday situations. When I first got here I jumped if a door slammed shut or cried if someone raised their voice. Fear isn't always logical. I haven't been with a man since the incident. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say."
He held my hand silently for what seemed like forever. "You're saying at any point when we're making love the stress of the trauma might be too much to handle, and you'll be too scared to finish."
I nodded and shrugged. "I don't know for sure, but it could happen and that's assuming we get past the leg cramps. It might seem like I don't want to be with you, but…"
"But outside forces will try to keep us apart."
"Yeah," I agreed, twisting my hands. "And there's the birth control issue."
He sighed. "I don't have any with me. I guess you're right about it happening when it should. I hoped you were covered."
"They said it would be dangerous to get pregnant for six months. They wanted my uterus to heal completely. After the six months was up I had an IUD placed but I'm still nervous it might not work."
"I'm confused. Can you still get pregnant?"
"Yes, the doctors said I'm completely healed now."
"And you use birth control but it's not reliable?"
I sat mute for a moment to put my thoughts into a way he could understand. "It's as reliable as the pill, but I'm afraid of getting pregnant again if I have casual sex." There I said it. It sounded terrible, but he asked.
He put his finger to my lips. "First of all, if we become intimate there will be nothing casual about it, at least not for me. As for pregnancy, we'll do whatever makes you comfortable. If we have to use four different kinds, I'll do it."
I laughed and shook my head. "I sound ridiculous, don't I? Thanks for making me laugh."
