Page 23 of Hiding Rose
He shook his head slowly and lifted his hand, using it to caress my arm. “No, sweetheart, most men don’t react the way the man who hurt you did. I’m sickened by what you’ve been through, and I don’t even know what happened.”
I tipped backward, off balance from the wine and the emotion, but he caught me in time. He lowered me to the chair and laid the crutches by my feet. “I’m sorry, when I’m tired I have a hard time standing.”
Kneeling in front of me he put his hands over mine. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Rose. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You do what you have to do to take care of yourself physically, and let me take care of you emotionally.”
“Emotionally?” I asked, skepticism key in my tone. I was having a hard time thinking or breathing with him touching me so intimately.
He squeezed my hands and smiled up at me. “Yes, emotionally. Can I ask you a question?” I nodded and he gazed into my eyes for a moment before he spoke. “Do you believe for one second Kate or Gideon would allow you to spend time with me if they didn’t trust me?” Without thinking, I shook my head no. “You’re right; they wouldn’t. Gideon would be up in my face warning me to stay away from you or I’d be out of a job. The dude doesn’t mess around, I’m telling you. And Kate? Forget about it,” he said and I laughed softly.
“She’s not known to throw any punches,” I admitted.
“Exactly my point. If they thought for minute I would hurt you, we wouldn’t be sitting here together. Maybe you can trust me by trusting them? If you can start there I promise you, I can earn the rest myself.”
The way he knelt before me left me no choice but to stare into his eyes. They held no malintent. Instead, they seemed desperate, as if he needed me as much as I needed him. Before I had time to debate my answer, I nodded. “I feel isolated from the world and forsaken by God, except when I’m with you. The pain is overwhelming, both physically and emotionally, except when I’m with you. I know I’m not supposed to trust men, but when I’m truthful with myself, I trust you.”
His head fell to his chest for a moment before he lifted it again, his lips devoid of a smile. “My whole being settled when you said you trust me, but my heart broke to hear the rest. All I want to do is make your days a little bit easier while you deal with the rest of what’s going on in your world. If it means a warm meal or an ear to listen, then that will be enough for me, for now. If you need a hug, I’ll be here. If you need to cry on someone’s shoulder, I’ll be here. If you need someone to protect you, I’ll be here. You don’t have to go this alone, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered, my voice thick with unshed tears. “I feel better already knowing I don’t have to pretend with you.”
He leaned forward and put his arms around me, holding me firmly, but tenderly. “Never pretend. Always be yourself, because anything else is unsustainable,” he reminded me.
I nodded over his shoulder, the scent of his cologne mixed with the freshness of the soap he used in the shower reminded me of a warm summer day. Coconut and fresh flowers. It shouldn’t have been a manly scent, yet somehow, he pulled it off.
He released me and motioned to Thomas. When the waiter arrived, he pointed at the table. “Would you take this to the kitchen and ask the sous chef to wrap it for me. I’ll pick it up later. The lady and I have someplace to be.”
“Of course, Chef Sawyer,” Thomas said smiling. “I’ll send it right down.” He lifted the two plates from the table and carried them away while Sawyer handed me my crutches and held my purse.
“Are you up for a walk or would you rather go back to your room?” he asked, waiting while I situated the crutches on my arms.
I gazed at the ocean for a few moments before I spoke. “I’ve never been on the beach. I’ve never put my feet in the water. I’m too afraid of falling.”
He helped me up and kept his hand on my back as I clomped down the three stairs to the grass at the bottom of the deck. “Let me take you to the beach. I promise you won’t get hurt or fall. If I have to, I’ll carry you. You need to experience the ocean at least once.”
I bit my lip and finally nodded. “We have to go slow. I don’t know how sand is going to work with this leg.”
He smiled and rubbed my back. “Slow as you want to go, I promise,” he agreed, strolling with me to the edge of the sand. He took the crutches from me and laid them on the ground. “These won’t do you any good in the sand. We’ll leave them here and grab them on the way back. No one will bother them.”
I shook my head a bit. “I can’t balance without them.”
He wrapped his arm around me and practically lifted me off the ground by my waist. “Sure you can, you’ve got me for balance.”
As we took our first steps in the sand, I wondered if his words were aimed at more than our immediate situation. He said it in a way I wondered if he wanted to balance me forever. It was a frightening thought and a heady one at the same time. If I trust Sawyer, then I have to tell him the truth about what happened in Snowberry. I’m not saying he’ll instantly distance himself because of it, but chances are good eventually he’ll tire of dealing with someone else’s damaged goods.
I sighed and his arm tightened around me. “Whatever you’re thinking about, let it go,” he whispered. “Enjoy the breeze and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. Clear your mind of anything but where we are and the feel of the sand under your feet.”
He kissed my temple and I tried to do what he said, but the sand was too difficult to walk in and it took all my concentration to keep going forward. “This is nice,” I said the farther we got from the hotel. The sand was lit only by the stars and the water shone blue from the moonlight. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“I come out here a lot,” he agreed. “It’s magical when the moon is full and the water is calm. You feel tiny in comparison to the enormity of the ocean and sky. I feel like one of the billions of stars, barely a dot, but still twinkling and being part of the bigger picture.”
I lifted my face toward his and smiled. “Beautiful imagery,” I whispered. “Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have fought tooth and nail to live. It would have been easier to let go and be part of the stars.”
He yanked me up against his side. “Don’t ever say that again!” he exclaimed.
The pressure of my hip against his sent it into a spasm and I tumbled, waiting for the sand to cushion my fall when I felt his hands under my arms as he lowered me to the sand. I breathed in a shallow rhythm as the spasm tightened the leg and made it jerk and twitch in a painful display I was unable to hide. I moaned and he scrambled toward the leg, but I grabbed his arm. “Don’t touch it,” I said through shallow breaths. “Hurts.”
He lifted my hand off his arm and nodded. “I know sweetheart. Let me help. I won’t touch it.”
He knelt beside the leg and began scooping sand over it from the hip down. In a matter of a few breaths he had the leg buried in the sand and the warmth of it soothed the muscles. He crawled back toward my head and sat, resting my head on his lap. He stroked my forehead rhythmically while I focused on breathing.
