Page 2 of Trusting Trey
Dee-Dee was hanging onto Max’s leg and he let her help with the lights. She was tiny at almost two and I knew she was going to be a dancer in Sugar’s ballroom someday soon. Lillie turned toward her husband and I gasped, closing the distance between them.
“Merry Christmas, Max and Lillie, and little Dee-Dee,” I said, rubbing the little one’s head. “Lillie, do you have something you want to tell me?” I asked the young woman in front of me. She looked up at Max with love in her eyes before she answered.
“Merry Christmas, Allison,” she said, her face filled with a smile to end all smiles. “I guess you could say by this time next year there will be another little Jacobson to join the party.”
I hugged her tightly and then Max; both of their faces were beaming with pride. “Congratulations, does everyone else know?”
Lillie nodded, but held up her hand. “I wanted to tell you, but we haven’t seen you. Where have you been hiding?”
I shook my head a little. “I’m around, but I’ve been on campuses promoting my program about college hazing. It has kept me busier than I normally am in the fall. I’m done with tours until next year, though.”
Lille rubbed my upper arm and kept one eye on me while she kept the other on Dee-Dee. “That’s good, you seem like you’re worn out and you’ve only been here for five minutes.”
I chuckled. “I guess I’m an open book. Sugar said the same thing. They changed my medication and it’s been hard getting a grip on the cramps and the foot drop again, but I think we’re almost there. Enough about that, though. We are here to party and I want some of your dad’s famous eggnog!”
She laughed along with Max and pointed to a table where the food was set up. “As always, he makes it sans alcohol. I know you’re trying to start a family, too. It’s safe to drink.”
I forced a smile to my face and thanked her for telling me, congratulated them again, and then walked toward the food table. The one night I want alcohol and there isn’t any. Guess I’ll have to keep this smile pasted on my face for the night and hope for the best.
I sat in one of the mismatched chairs at Sugar’s kitchen table and rubbed my leg. It was acting up again and I had to leave the ballroom before it became a full-blown cramp. I loved sitting in Sugar’s kitchen. I could only dream of having one as extravagant. The appliances were professional grade and the cupboards were handmade by her father before he died. It was spacious and could seat all of us for dinner easily, but the best part of the room wasn’t the appliances or cupboards. The best part of the room was the table I sat at and the deer antler chandelier that hung above it.
The table was distressed naturally from years of family dinners and morning breakfasts. The chandelier above it was a tribute to her father and she would never take it down, no matter how tacky it was. I didn’t see it as tacky any longer; instead when I look at the chandelier, I see all the good times we’ve had sitting under it.
“There you are,” Sugar said from the doorway. “Trey is looking for you.”
She walked the rest of the way into the room while I tried to nonchalantly put my drop foot brace back on. “I haven’t disappeared, just taking a break,” I said cheerily.
She lowered herself to the chair and looked at me with one brow raised. “Nice try, sweetheart.”
I leaned back in the chair with a huff of breath. “I felt a cramp coming on and I didn’t want to have a full on meltdown in front of everyone. I’ve massaged it out now and I’ll be fine the rest of the night.”
She looked at me and folded her arms over her chest. “I guess that’s better than what your husband thought you were doing.”
“What did he think?” I asked, surprised. At this point I figured he knew me well enough to know if I disappeared it was because I wasn’t feeling well. Of course, he doesn’t know I’m not taking all my meds either, so that might be why. I know I have to tell him, but I’m hoping eventually I can go back on them once my body gets used to the new ones.
“He thought you were avoiding the wish reading,” she said and I laughed, trying not to sound hysterical.
“Sugar, I don’t need to be there for the wish reading. I already know what his wish says. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that.” She waited and motioned with her hand for me to continue. “His wish was to be a father by now.”
“And your wish?” she asked, but I didn’t answer.
“I can’t even remember, to be honest. I had hoped to make his wish come true sooner, but I’m still working on medication changes. We’ve been trying, but not getting anywhere.”
“You’ve only been trying for nine months. Considering what your body has been through, and all the changes in your medications, nine months is a drop in the bucket. Most doctors say it can take over a year if you’ve been on birth control a long time.”
I finished strapping the brace on and let my pant leg fall back over it. “I know, but it’s that nine-month mark that is hard for me to face. I still feel guilty that I haven’t been able to make him a dad yet. Tonight is our sixth wedding anniversary, but we’ve been together for thirteen years. I feel like I shouldn’t have held back for as many years as I did.”
“Having kids has to be right for both of you, Allie. You’ve dealt with a lot of physical and emotional pain and trauma since the accident. Can I ask you a question?” I nodded and she leaned forward onto the table. “I’ve never asked before, but I’ve always been curious. Why did you wait seven years to marry Trey? You’ve lived with him since before I met you.”
I looked at the wedding ring on my finger and twisted it around. “Trey wanted to get married right away, but I refused. I kept telling him I needed more time, or we didn’t have the money, or whatever excuse was handy at the time. After he asked me to set a date for the fifteenth time, I told him the truth. I wasn’t setting a date until I could walk down the aisle. It took two more years for that to happen. Now, I feel terrible guilt for waiting. We could have a child by now if I hadn’t been stubborn.”
She held my hand in her gentle understanding way. “You know that’s a perfectly acceptable reason, right? You were starting to get feeling back and you knew it would take time, but you would walk again. Did he stop asking after that?”
I nodded. “He said I would know when the time was right. I walked for the first time November fifth and we were married here on Christmas Eve.”
“So, it stands to reason that the same thing will happen when it comes to getting pregnant. Listen to your body and adjust your expectations as needed. Don’t feel guilty about how long it takes, and more importantly, don’t be afraid to talk to Trey about how you’re feeling.”
“Sweetheart, this isn’t your fault,” my husband said from the doorway and I jumped up, surprised to see him there. “Sugar’s right. I trust you with my heart the same way you trust me with yours. I would never break it, but mine is breaking knowing that you feel guilty. In my mind that means I’m pushing you too hard.”
