Page 94 of In For a Penny
As Oliver and I leaveJane’s bedroom, hand in hand, I see Josh coming out of the bathroom across the hall—alone. An image of Josh and Eloise kissing flashes through my head, and I suddenly feel nauseated. My heart stops and so do my legs. I seem to have forgotten how to walk, because I keep trying to move and nothing happens.
Josh seems to be suffering from the same affliction since he, too, stands still in the middle of the doorway, one foot in the bathroom, the other in the hallway, unmoving. His eyes are wide, gaze locked on mine until it drops to my hands, which are currently intertwined with Oliver’s.
This isn’t necessarily weird for Oliver and me, as we have a very touchy friendship, but I believe that in the current climate of the Penny-Josh relationship, it might not look great. I mean, the more I think about it, the man just gave me a notebook about twenty-four hours ago, bearing his soul to me, and now I am leaving a room with a guy I’ve been known to have casual sex with on a regular basis?
And he still doesn’t know I’m not leaving.
Josh’s eyes narrow into a menacing look. I can tell he’s trying to control himself, to not say what he wants to say, but ultimately, he breaks and says, “One last goodbye before she goes, huh?” His words are like daggers, cutting through every inch of my skin, and I wince.
“Pardon?” Oliver says with an edge in his voice, tightening his grip on my hand.
“I’m just saying,” Josh says, shrugging. “Did you guys have a final fuck before she leaves? A parting of legs and ways?”
I gasp.
What the actual fuck? Who the fuck is this guy?
Also, wasn’t he just hooking up with that chick, like, half an hour ago? And we are absolutely nothing to each other. He has no right to talk to me or Oliver that way whatsoever.
Oliver closes his eyes and rubs his forehead with a small, unfriendly smile on his face. “Mate, you’re gonna want to take that back.”
“Josh…” I say softly, calmly. I’m scared. Neither of them has had a release of their frustrations. Oliver has been wrecked with guilt, and Josh is just pissed off at me. I haven’t been able to talk to him all night. He’s been too fucking busy in a liplock with Miss Slutty Lipstick. “Josh, I’m not—I mean, we weren’t—”
Oliver interrupts me. “You don’t need to justify anything to him,” he says, which annoys me because I’m trying to calm them both down, and they’re just going to end up fighting over a non-issue, all because Josh won’t even talk to me.
“I’m just saying, Penny, you could’ve shown me a bit of respect, I don’t fucking know.” Josh raises his hands as if I were pointing a gun at him. “But, hey, don’t mind me. You can be fucked by whomever you want. I don’t get a say in anything here.” We’ve started to garner a crowd. Josh is drunk and loud, and we’re quickly becoming the prime entertainment of the party, the main show. “I just have to sit by and watch it all happen while everyone but me gets a turn.”
Oliver finally lets go of me and grabs Josh by his shirt collar. He’s not that much taller than Josh, but he is definitely broader, more muscular. For a brief second, my stomach churns at the thought of Oliver and Josh getting into a real physical altercation, but Josh doesn’t fight him. He’s already defeated. He’s got no fight in his eyes. Oliver thankfully drags him by the shirt and forces him into the bedroom, away from prying eyes, where I follow close behind. Josh is pushed down on the bed where he settles into a sitting position at its edge.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know who goes first. Do I say something?
Oliver crosses his arms across his chest and looks down at Josh. He doesn’t look like someone who wants to beat the crap out of the other guy. He looks like an older brother trying to keep his younger brother calm and in check. I’ve seen it in real life at home.
“Are you going to apologize to her?” Oliver asks in a grave voice.
Josh doesn’t look up. In fact, it looks like he just about found the most interesting spot to look at in the world in Jane’s fuzzy white carpet, because nothing’s gonna get him to move his gaze from there. Oliver kicks Josh’s shoe, signaling that he expects an answer.
Josh still doesn’t look up, but he rubs his eye and sniffs. “Did she tell you she’s dropping out? That she’s moving back to New York?”
Oliver uncrosses his arms and looks at me in shock. “Is that true?”
I sigh. “No,” I say to Oliver and kneel in front of Josh. “Josh,no. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all night, but you’ve been busy with…other things.”
Josh scoffs. “Right, because you haven’t,” he says with a glance and nod to Oliver.
“Oliver and I needed to have a serious talk as well—one that was not appropriate to have in front of other people. Not that that’s any of your business, anyway.” I can’t just let him get away with what he said. “You had no right to say those things to us, Josh. No right.”
“I’m drunk,” he says petulantly, looking down again.
“Not good enough, mate,” Oliver growls. He looks more grizzly bear than teddy bear tonight.
I look over my shoulder to Oliver, still kneeling in front of Josh, and ask him to leave us alone so that we can talk. There’s so much that needs to be said now.
“Josh,” I start. “Let me start off by saying that you were right. I was running away, and it was not the correct way to handle what was going on in my life. I do have to learn how to handle my issues and work them out like a grownup, get help and all of that. So, I’ve decided to stay, to finish out my degree and graduate. I think that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a waste of money. I can, of course, use this degree to my advantage and find a job here in London. Set some roots down, you know? So, I’m done running away. I definitely don’t want to go back to New York.”
I take a deep breath before continuing.
“Second, your notebook wasbeautiful. I mean it. Every word. Even thefucksand thehells.” I get a smile out of him for that one. “I loved reading every damn word of it,” I say with fervor, because it’s true. It killed me to read them, but the words in that notebook filled my heart with love and hope until it exploded and reality seeped in.
