Page 114 of Love Me Steadfast
The bedside lamp clicks on.
“Oh honey,” Sally breathes. “Someone hurt you, didn’t they?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. She can’t know. Nobody can know.
“Don’t tell anyone.” The words come out in a whoosh with my shaky breath.
Sally sighs. “You’re in charge, okay, Charlie? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but…” She sighs. “If you’ve been hurt by someone, there are…important things that need to happen. Did he use a condom?”
The shock that she knows exactly what happened is like a knife carving out a piece of my soul. I shake my head.
“Are you on birth control?” she asks.
“Oh god,” I say, covering my face. What if I get pregnant from this? Will and I have been using condoms. I tried using the pill but I hated the side effects. I was going to get an IUD before I left for Cornish, but the soonest I could get in was next month.
Sally rubs my back. It’s caring and warm and cracks open what feels like a bottomless need inside me. For comfort. Safety. Fierce love and kindness. The kind of love a mom would readily give. Unconditionally.
“Okay, honey,” Sally says, her tone edging toward brisk. “This is what we’re going to do. Emmie and I will be with you every step of the way. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s essential. So you have options. All right?”
I think I know what she’s planning, and it’s the absolute last thing I want to do. But she’s right. I can’t bury a pregnancy, or a life-threatening disease.
And here I thought I could curl up in bed and wait till morning. Wait for the nightmare to fade.
Is this really happening to me?
At least they can’t make me tell them who did it.
I open my eyes to Sally’s concerned expression and Emmie’s tear-stained face.
“But, I…took a shower.”
“That’s all right. They’ll do…an exam.”
My eyes flood with tears and I draw my knees tighter against me, making the raw spot inside me burn with renewed hurt.
“I’m so sorry.” She strokes my forehead. “It’ll be fast, and Emmie and I will be there with you.” She glances at Emmie. “Let’s get you dressed.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
CHARLOTTE (NOW)
I wakefrom a dream where Morgan is grinning up at me, soft waves combing the pale sand behind her. Dad took us to the Oregon coast that summer he kicked Mom out. We stayed in a hotel right on the beach. I remember how easy things were. We played on the sunny shore until we were hungry, then we walked into the busy little town for sandwiches and ice cream. After, we watched movies together in the giant hotel bed, sunburned and salty, falling asleep like puppies in a heap.
Though I should have left William’s bed hours ago, I’m still tucked against him, his arm draped over my shoulder and my head on his chest. His soft, steady breathing soothes my body and keeps my thoughts from spinning too fast.
I’ve always felt safe with Will. It’s been that way since the beginning.
It was easy to trust him last night. Effortless.
But I’ve taken one giant step across that line that’s kept us safe. Any farther and the flames will destroy us both.
I can’t think of last night as a mistake. Even though I came soclose to unraveling. To admitting what I did. What happened, and why I had to push him away.
I’ve made such a mess of things. I’m not strong enough to resist him. A part of me doesn’t want to try.
But I have to.
Giving in risks everything.
