Page 115 of Love Me Steadfast
I stroke the smooth plane of his chest, over his heart. In the darkness, I can’t see the little blackbird, her wings stretched in flight, but I have the design memorized, including a line from the song etched on her breast.
Is that what he thought? That I was flying away from him, into darkness?
In a way, it’s true, even though he doesn’t know the real reason. That he doesn’t hurts more than it should.
I wish I had something to give him. Some way to prove to him that I never stopped caring. Never stopped loving him with those pieces of myself that I kept hidden away, safe. But I have nothing. Only what’s left of my battle-scarred heart. My broken promises. My sacrifice.
If only I still had the necklace he gave me, and the coda medallion.
I give him a questioning look. “Why a coda?”
“You know what it means, right?”
I scoff. “It indicates the end of a piece. Or an ending phrase to be repeated.”
His eyes warm. “Exactly.”
I rub my thumb down the center of the pendant, unease tightening inside me. Because Will and I have talked about forever, but how can we be sure when the next four years will be spent mostly apart?
He lifts my chin, so our eyes lock. “You’re my end, blackbird. The sweet refrain I want to repeat over and over, again and again.”
My lungs empty in a whoosh. I feel lightheaded. “I…don’t know what to say.”
He laughs, reaching up with his thumbs to wipe the sudden tearsbrimming against my lashes. “You don’t have to say anything. Just wear it, please?”
I cradle his face and draw him to me for a kiss.
But that necklace is gone, and I’ll never get it back.
I can’t be with William again.I can’t.
Because I made my choice long ago. Loving him has always meant protecting him too. A pledge I’ll keep until my dying breath.
When I wake again,it’s to Ollie’s soft lick on my shoulder and the scent of coffee. When I yawn, a hot pain throbs from the back of my jaw. But a toothache is a problem for another day.
Ollie curls up on the floor next to me with a deep huff. I reach down and stroke her soft fur, savoring the lingering ease in my body from last night.
I should have snuck back to my room.
My clothes are folded on the nearby chair. When did Will do that? It shouldn’t stir the emotions simmering inside me like hot coals glowing to life, but my chest tightens and the back of my neck gets hot.
I meant what I said last night. I don’t deserve him.
William darkens the doorway. He’s shirtless, wearing only a pair of striped pajama pants, cradling two cups of what I hope is coffee. He’s backlit by the kitchen lights, outlining his sturdy frame in gold. It allows only a shaded outline of the blackbird spread over his heart.
My chest pinches. All this time, he’s had a secret tattoo. For me. I blink back tears as he enters the room, smiling. “Morning, sunshine.”
I scoot up in bed, taking the covers with me. “Morning.”
He shuts the door behind him and walks over.
“Is Theo home?” I ask as he settles on the edge of the bed and hands me a mug of coffee, doctored with my favorite creamer.
“Yeah, I heard him come in around midnight. Why?”
“Just wondering.” I can’t help the shy smile tugging at my lips.
He grins. “He’s a pretty heavy sleeper. Not that I care.”
