Page 112 of Love Me Steadfast
He’s taken everything from me.
The elevator dings, reminding me where I am and how far I still need to go before I’m safe.
I shuffle down the silent hall, my footsteps lost to the thin carpet but my breaths are labored, like I’m having an asthma attack. At my door, when I reach for the key card, my phone comes with it.
My home screen picture flashes to life. Will has his arms around me from behind and he’s pressing an exaggerated kiss to my temple, his eyes scrunched closed. I’m laughing with my mouth open in surprise, my arms wrapped over his to keep him close.
The girl in that picture looks so happy. So trusting. Like life will continue to bring her good things. Things like laughter and joy and peace.
And love.
Where is that girl now?
My fingers shake and the image turns blurry as tears collect on my lashes.
I can’t tell him. He’ll kill Nic. I know that with absolute clarity.
And if I can’t tell William about what happened, then…that means…
A sob breaks loose as I press my forehead into the door.
It means I can’t be with him.
Even if I tried to hide it, he’d know something was wrong.
He’d put it together in no time. And when he did, there’d be no stopping him.
And as a result, he would lose everything he’s worked for. Not just his scholarship, but his career. Hislife.
And I’d lose him for good.
But it wouldn’t end there. Theo and Dad would find out. Morgan. My friends. Everyone would know.
Everyone.
I tap the key card and the lock clicks open. Inside, the room is dark. Emmie’s a lump beneath the covers, but she stirs when I limp toward the bathroom.
“There you are,” she says in a sleepy lilt. “I was ready to send in the cavalry.”
I walk into the bathroom. I don’t turn on the lights. I don’t want to see myself or the marks he left on me, the sticky cum dried to my inner thigh. Reaching into the shower, I swivel the dial to hot and undress, leaving my clothes in a soiled pile. I’ll stuff them in the trash later, so I never have to be reminded of this night.
My skin jolts at the hot water, but I let it scald me. Maybe it will burn away all trace of what happened, destroy the outer layer of skin so I can shed it just like my clothes.
I can grow a new skin that’s tougher and stronger. A fortress nobody can ever crack.
“Charlie?” Emmie’s concerned voice rises over the pounding of the water. “What’s going on? Why are the lights off?”
I duck under the spray to wash everything into the drain. The snot running down my face, my tears, the filth. With shaking hands I pump shower gel into my palm and scrub myself, trying to be gentle but I’m desperate to wash it all away, and my hands are rough, aggressive. I get soap in my mouth and I accidentally crack my head on the tile, making the lump there beat to its own heartbeat, sending my thoughts swimming.
I cry out but it’s more like a moan.
“Charlie!” Emmie says just outside the shower curtain. “Did something happen?”
“Someone…spilled something on me,” I manage through my chattering teeth.
“Oh,” Emmie says, her voice tentative. “That sucks.”
I need her to believe me. If she doesn’t, everything will fall apart.
