Page 187 of Swords of Soul and Shadow
And it made her decision for her.
She would find Correa and collect the Essence powers. When they restored both Gates, Jagamot wouldn’t be a threat, and Kase would be free.
It was the only way to save him with certainty.
Hallie couldn’t help it. She started to cry, though that word was woefully inaccurate. It wasn’t the pretty kind where she sniffled a little and a few tears trickled down her cheeks. No, it was the ugly kind that came with soul-spilling, heart-wringingtears and heaving shoulders and all the in-between. She just stood there going from calm and fluttery at his intimate touch to full-out sobs in seconds, her fingers curling into fists over his heart, clinging to his shirt. Her shoulders shook.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hallie!” Kase clasped her upper arms, inspecting her with frantic eyes, looking for the injury or blood or anything to explain her meltdown. “What happened? Are you hurt? Did I squeeze you too hard?”
She shook her head, but she couldn’t get out any words. She just did that awful gasping noise that meant she wasn’t getting enough air, but she couldn’t take a full breath. She just gasped harder.
Her death was inevitable if she wanted Kase to live the life he always deserved. She just wouldn’t get to be a part of it. The only way to save him was to rid herself of her power.
It was cruel. It wasn’tfair.
“Jove won’t tell anyone about us in here or anything, and I was just kidding about the ten minutes and even the five. If you don’t want to—we weren’t doing anything wrong—”
A muttered voice came from the front of the tent, but Hallie was crying too hard to hear the exact words.
“We’re fine. Just tell Jove I’ll be late,” Kase answered. Probably his guard.
The other man said something back, but she still couldn’t tell what.
“I don’t give a stars-blasted crap what the Stradat Lord Kapitan thinks. Tell him what you want.”
She tugged out of his arms and sat heavily onto his cot, trembling harder with every sob. She hid her face in her hands. She couldn’t get the crying to stop now that it was finally here. The cork keeping her emotions bottled up had finally popped, and she couldn’t get the flood under control.
It was as if the last few weeks had finally caught up with her—the kidnapping and torture in Achilles, the Essence power, Ravenhelm, Myrrai, Filip, Niels, the fight with Kase, her parents wanting her to go home with them, the failed lessons, and now this. She was only one person. She was only twenty-one.
At her age, she wasn’t supposed to do anything but live a happy life, finish University, get married, have a family, whatever she wanted. She wasn’t supposed to save the world.
Despite her childish dreams, she’d never wanted to be the heroine.
Kase sat and wrapped his arms around her. He guided her head to his chest and held it there with the most tender touch. She hugged him back, hysteria wracking her chest with aching heat. Every time she felt herself calming down, a new wave of anguish rolled over her. Kase never let her go.
Would she even get to say goodbye? Or would she simply cease to be?
They held each other for stars-knew how long, Kase scratching her back softly and simply letting her cry. When she’d finally cried herself out to the point where she could breathe almost normally, Kase kissed the top of her head. He shifted himself out of her grip and helped her lay down. He untangled the blanket and drew it all the way to her chin. He unfolded his jacket and laid that on top for good measure. It was all so warm and smelled exactly like him. He smoothed back her hair.
“Rest here.” He grabbed the journal from where it’d fallen and placed it near her head. “Feel free to read more. I’ll bring back some food, and we can talk. All right?”
Hallie could only sniffle in response. She didn’t want him to leave, but she also wanted to be alone so she could work out her thoughts. His white linen shirt was stained gray on half his chest, roughly in the shape of her face. She felt a little bad about that.
He rummaged in his pack for two more. He laid one on top of his jacket. “For you, if you want it.”
He turned away, the other in his hand. “Don’t be ogling, now.”
He then tugged his shirt off over top his head. Hallie was only able to glimpse the muscles of his upper back bunching up for a second as well as the dragon tattoo he’d begrudgingly told her about before he tugged on the new shirt. It really did look like a tortured worm.
She hiccupped—then nearly died of embarrassment as he looked over his shoulder with that stupid smirk while pulling the hem down and straightening the collar. He buttoned up two of the four buttons at the top near his neck.
He threw his old shirt at his pack and squatted down next to Hallie. He leaned over and kissed the spot just above her ear. “I’ll be back.”
Hallie briefly wondered just how long he’d be gone and just how long Jove had needed to stall. The guilt ate away at her conscience. She might be the reason his father lost his temper yet again. She wondered if Saldr would be there, if he would tell them all how she’d failed and that they were all doomed and…
Before she allowed her mind to wander any further down that road, she pushed herself up and changed out of her dirty lace blouse. The thing was covered in spare Vasa she’d failed to light and streaks of dirt and trails of damp where she’d wiped her eyes.
She shrugged out of it and tugged on Kase’s shirt. It was soft and a little too big. She buttoned all four buttons and rolled up the sleeves, the neckline dipping below the space between her collarbones. It was almost like she was back in that cave in the Nardens after the avalanche. Her mother would have a fit if she saw her wearing it.
