Page 88 of Give My Everything
I nod, but I zone out when he looks to Ben and keeps talking.
Do I look like I’m looking forward to it?
Sometimes I wonder if people would know how terrified I am if they knew I was pregnant.
Lucas might be the only one to truly know how scared I am, and that’s not even because I really told him. It’s just because he knows me.
Ben kind of has an idea, but I doubt he really gets it to the true level.
When I joke about the baby being a parasite, when I wonder if I made the right decision, when I think back to how this shit all started…
It makes me sick to my stomach.
And not because of morning sickness.
It’s because I’m worried about the decisions I’m making.
It’s because I’m afraid I’ll be a shitty mom.
It’s because I’m scared I won’t be able to love it.
Because as much as I’m trying to do the right thing, I can’t help but allow myself to wonder…
How do you love a baby when it belongs to a man who raped you?
CHAPTER15
REMMY
Eventually, Dr. Becker has to leave to go back to work. He wishes us luck and then heads out.
Ben wastes no time returning to sit in his desk chair.
“Did you not have to work today?” I ask, the thought having just occurred to me.
He shrugs, looking a little bit like a kid. “I’m using a personal day.”
I press a hand to my chest, unable to contain my smile.
“Excuseme?” I say, my voice pitched high. “Mr. I Never Take Days Off took a day to accompany me to my prenatal appointment?”
He lifts his shoulder again, reaching over and grabbing one of those squeezy stress balls off the desk and squishing it in his hand.
“Priorities, Remmy.”
My shoulders drop and something in my chest swells, making me feel full.
Sometimes, Ben says stuff that just hits me in my gut in a weird way that I don’t know how to handle.
It takes nearly two hours for us to get a call to see the doctor, but the text does eventually come through.
We hustle out of the office and make the long trek back to the reception area, breezing through and right into OB toward the room that’s reserved for us.
A nurse greets us as we walk in.
“So, we’re doing an ultrasound today, right?” she says, giving me a smile.
I lift my eyebrows. “Oh. I thought we were just doing a prenatal.”
