Page 109 of Give My Everything
What Remmy is telling me has blown all of that out of the water and left me feeling destroyed and like I have to completely adjust the way I perceive the world.
“He raped you again?” I ask, my voice growing tense and hard, the anger I feel at whoever this guy is building rapidly.
She nods, her eyes glazing over. “I decided to go riding and he cornered me in the stables at my grandfather’s house.”
“Oh my god, Remmy.”
She keeps shaking her head. “I keep thinking it’s my fault. I mean, who gets raped by the same guy twice?”
I’m out of my chair and walking around the table before I can even think about it, moving her chair so she’s facing out and I can kneel in front of her.
“Remmy, you arenotto blame. Do you understand me?” I say, trying to convince her with my voice, with my body, with the way I put my face near hers. “That fucking asshole took what did not belong to him. No means no. You shouldn’t have to fight in order to get him to listen to you.”
She nods, the tears falling harder from her eyes.
Remmy always seemed like this larger-than-life woman to me, even when she was in high school, like nothing could ever break her. Strong and resilient, all the time.
Getting to know her lately, I’m seeing more of her underbelly, her soft spots, her weak spots, the emotions that seem to be rolling through her all the time. It makes me wonder how much of her attitude in life was the armor she had to put on every day to protect herself.
Now I want to look back at every single conversation we’ve ever had and scrutinize each breath and look and word, from her and from me, because the last thing I want to do is bring up something dark from her past.
I place my hands on her stomach, on the tiny little bump that’s starting to show in her thirteenth week.
“And I just want to make sure I say this out loud so you never, ever,everhave to worry.”
Her eyes flit up to mine.
“This baby might not have been a part of your plan for your life, and it may not have been conceived with love…but you bet your fucking tits it’s going tobeloved. By you, and by me, every single day.”
Remmy covers her face with her hands and starts sobbing—or at least that’s what I think until she pulls her hands away and I see that she’s both sobbingandlaughing.
“Bet your fucking tits?” she asks, and I smile, feeling thankful that she was able to find some levity in this very heavy moment.
Her hands rest on my shoulders then rise up to my face, her thumbs stroking softly along my cheekbones.
“You know, with every day that passes by, I feel luckier and luckier that we decided to do whatever this is. Normally, I don’t want to be helped, but for some reason, I was okay with accepting help from you.”
My stomach twists at her words. Because it’s true—I did want to help her—but I wasn’t completely selfless.
I lift a hand and wrap it around her wrist, allowing myself to enjoy the feeling of her touch, of her soft, cool skin as she shows me affection.
“Thank you for being what I need right now,” she continues. “I hope whatever I am to you, I can be what you need as well.”
I squeeze her wrist, the feelings I feel for her beginning to boil over from my heart and into my chest where I used to have an empty cavity, a vacant space.
But she helps fill that void.
I rise up, unable to stop myself, and press my lips to hers. It’s soft, the pressure of our mouths together feeling like the comfort of a blanket during a storm.
My mouth opens against hers and she slips her hands off of my face, wrapping them around my neck, bringing her body flush against mine. I let my hands drop to her hips, lifting her out of her seat and coming to a standing position.
“I want to carry you up to bed, but I don’t want to risk dropping you on the stairs,” I say after pulling my lips away.
She grins against my mouth, kissing me again once, twice. “Mr. Calloway, are you calling me fat?”
I chuckle, letting my hands rove to her ass and giving it a squeeze. “Never, but I do love this thick backside of yours, for sure.”
Remmy giggles, dropping her legs down so her feet touch the floor. Then she takes my hand in hers and leads me toward the stairs.
