Page 108 of Be Your Anything
“I’m gonna go shower and then…” I sigh. “And then I’m heading back to Remmy’s. We still have a lot to talk about.” I wrap my hand around her ankle and give her a squeeze, trying to be reassuring. “I love you, Hannah. I’ll see you in a while, okay?”
Hannah opens her arms and reaches out, giving me a hug even though my skin is still damp from the ocean.
“I love you, too, Lucas. Just remember you’re not alone, okay? You said that to me once, and I just wanna make sure you remember, too.”
I don’t know what I did to deserve a sister who’s capable of caring as deeply as Hannah does, but whatever it was, I’m thankful it was enough to earn a spot by her side.
When I pull up in front of Remmy’s house, I’m surprised to see her walking out the front door, jacket over her head to protect herself from the light rain that’s falling. She jogs out to my truck, opening the door and climbing in, letting out a few pants of exertion.
“Hey.”
She gives me a tight smile. “Hey. My parents just got home and…I’m not ready for them to know yet, so I was hoping we could go somewhere.”
I nod. “Sure. Where to?”
“Oh, um…” She shrugs. “I don’t know. Can we go get some coffee?”
I lift an eyebrow. “Can youhavecoffee?”
She looks back at me. “Can Inot?”
I reach into the back seat and grab a bag from a small bookstore I stopped by on my way here. I set it in her lap and then pull out of her circle drive, heading farther into the city to a coffee shop I know has a drive-through.
“If you don’t know you shouldn’t have coffee, hopefully reading that will help.”
I glance over and find Remmy pulling out a book on pregnancy for expectant mothers. She’s silent as I drive, flipping through the pages and stopping here and there to read a few words.
When I pull up to the coffee shop’s window, there’s nobody in line, so I order a hot chocolate and a ginger tea.
It isn’t until I’ve passed them both over to Remmy and pulled away, heading into the corner of the lot to park, that she actually says anything.
“I’m sorry, Lucas.”
I shake my head as I turn the car off, reaching for the hot chocolate so I have something to do with my hands. “You don’t have to apologize. We both agreed to an open relationship. This was a risk, maybe not one we talked about or ever thought would actually happen, but…still.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Shifting in my seat, I turn to look in Remmy’s direction.
She’s seated sideways, her feet up on the seat, her back pressed against the door, and her face… God, she looks so lost, so sad.
“Well, sure, I’m sorry I got pregnant and it isn’t yours,” she says quickly. “Obviously, if I was going to want it to belong to anyone, it would be you.” She clears her throat. “But I’m apologizing because I should have let us go a long time ago, and maybe this is just what we needed to finally cut the cord.”
I stare at her, struggling to process the emotions rushing through me, trying to name them all: sadness and grief and disappointment and…relief.
It’s a lot to process, an eight-year relationship we’ve both tried to make work despite distance and personal struggles…and now it’s ending.
I allowed myself to briefly consider ending things with Remmy before she got back. I shut down that idea pretty quickly, telling myself I would give things a real chance, give us a real chance to get to know each other again in a different way.
Never in a million years did I think we would come to this decision that things aren’t working, or that there would be a pregnancy belonging to another man.
“I do love you, Lucas. But I think, somewhere along the line, our relationship changed. Maybe that was my fault. No, not maybe. That was always my fault. I cheated in high school and then again in college and you…” A tear tracks down her cheek. “You were always willing to forgive me and move forward, and I appreciate that. I do.”
I want to reach out and wipe the tear from her face, but I keep my hands wrapped around my untouched hot chocolate, the warmth helping to keep me focused.
“But I’ve always been this broken toy you’ve been trying to fix, the person who lived in the shadow of your forgiveness, and I think…I think I started to resent that.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I never wanted you to—”
