Page 62 of Promise Me Nothing
He makes me so angry sometimes.
We were never that close as children, since I was always so loud and intense while he was more the rule-follower who didn’t want anyone to look his way. But I like to think I understood him to some degree.
Over the past few years, though, we’ve continued to drift further and further apart. It feels like the brother I loved, even though we were so different, isn’t even really in there anymore.
I realize some of the rage I feel at Ben might be slightly misplaced. That some of this is the pain from finding out that Ivy really is sick-sick and not just I-need-meds sick.
When I found out last year about the diagnosis, I hadn’t known how to feel. I drank too much. Tried to bury my fears with the false assurances of the first doctor Ivy had seen. It wasn’t until two months ago that they said she needed to go onto a drug regiment that they pump into her at the hospital once a week.
That’s not a life for a twelve-year-old kid, going to and from the hospital on a regular basis. Ivy’s been through enough. She doesn’t need something like this hanging over her head as well.
Which is why finding her a bone marrow transplant donor is my new number one priority. It should be the most important next step forallof us.
Eventually, Ben finishes his beer, setting it right back in the ring of sweat it had been in before. He stays at the table instead of bolting down to his office like he normally does, and I assume it’s because he has something else on his mind.
“I talked with Lucas today,” he finally says a few minutes later.
My surprised eyes lift to meet his.
Lucas and Ben have always been friendly, but it never occurred to me that they’d have any reason to talk about… well, anything, really. I guess I just assume my brother doesn’t talk to anyone anymore.
“Whatever it is you two are planning…” he shakes his head and trails off. “Well, I just hope you’re thinking everything through, is all.” He knocks his fist twice on the table and stands up. “Let me know when the next meeting with Dr. Lyons is.”
At that, he gives me a tight smile and finally leaves, heading back inside, down to his dungeon of an office.
He’ll stay in there for the rest of the day, managing his business even though some parts of it run without him or are the responsibilities of others he has hired. But it’s what he does to avoid the real problems in his life.
And to be honest, running away and hiding sounds like a much better option than anything else right now.
But – I flip my phone over, seeing that the time has finally hit five o’clock – I have to stay. So I send off a few messages. One to my mom, letting her know that I’ve invited Ben to Ivy’s thirteenth birthday next month. One to my friend Derek in San Francisco, since he’s been bugging me about a girl he likes that I know.
The last one goes to Lucas, though it takes me a few minutes, and a few more sips of my scotch, before I finally send it off.
Me: Here
He responds in almost no time at all.
Lucas: Got it
And then, I just sit and wait. Order another drink. Watch the sun begin to dip slowly behind a dusting of clouds on the horizon in the South Bay. I’ve done quite a bit of travel in my short twenty-four years, and there just aren’t any sunsets in the world that compare to this one.
I’d bet my bike on it. And I don’t say that lightly.
About twenty minutes goes by before I get another text from Lucas.
Lucas: Outside
I take one more look at the sunset, letting the glare singe my eyes just a bit before I toss back the rest of my drink, chuck a few twenties on the table, and head inside and down the stairs.
I give a nod to Hamish as I walk through the main dining room, then push through the exit and head towards the back. Lucas’ voice carries as I round the corner to the loading bay where I’ve parked my FTR.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “It happens here all the time.”
“I am so,sosorry,” Hannah replies, and I can hear the true anguish in her voice. “I swear I thought I locked it up.”
“Everything alright?”
My question causes Hannah to look my direction, and I’m hit again with just how damn beautiful she is.
