Page 89 of Like You Want It
I think about that for a minute, wondering what that might look like. I’m normally the person to just spit out what I think. Not as crudely as Dina, maybe, but I’ve never shied away from conflict or conversation.
So why is this different? Why does telling Fin what I want feel like a much greater risk?
Dina sits quietly while I sort through my thoughts. She’s a great friend, even if she is a bit brash. She’ll challenge me to really think about things, but then gives me a chance to step into myself to reflect.
I sit forward, playing with a cardboard coaster, flipping it from side to side.
Maybe it isn’t just one thing that’s keeping me from seeing a sexual relationship as an option. Maybe it’s a bunch of things.
Like the fact he’s playing dad right now, which I don’t mind, but has to be really complicated for him and Susie. And then there’s the fact I’m becoming better friends with his sister. There’s this strange desire he seems to have to both shove me away and want to pull me closer.
I guess out of all of those, the Susie card is the hard one to decide how to handle. The riskiest piece.
“Alright, let’s say I decide to havejust sexwith Fin. And he’s on the same page as I am. There’s a problem with your logic. I’m friends with his sister. Like,I-really-like-herfriends andI-think-you’ll-want-to-have-her-around-a-bunch-toofriends.”
“Awwww, isn’t that sweet?” Dina says with a smile. Then her serious face comes back. “What does that have to do with you getting some much deserved orgasms for your under-loved hoo-hah.”
“Come on, Dina. You know what the problem is.”
“Just be honest with Susie. Tell her how much you value her friendship, but you want to be honest with her since things are so new. She seems like the introspective type that would appreciate you being honest more than anything else.”
I play that idea over in my head. Then shake it away. But it keeps coming back to me over and over for the rest of the night.
Maybe I could do that. Talk to Fin and Susie.
Fin, about some sort of friends with benefits relationship, heavy emphasis on the friends part. Because I want to be able to talk to the person I’m sleeping with, and not just dirty talk.
Susie, about hooking up with her brother and making sure she knows I’m not gonna let it get in the way of our friendship.
“I like that look on your face,” Dina pipes in as we’re wrapping up the night. “Someone’s gonna get fuckinglaid.”
I roll my eyes and sigh, then I throw some cash on top of our receipt.
“Here’s hoping.”
“Yeah, baby! Cheers to that!”
«««« »»»»
As much as I’d like to, I refrain myself from asking Susie for Fin’s phone number so I can proposition him that evening.
Instead, I opt to eat a whole package of Oreos and fall asleep on the couch in my underwear.
Classy.
Dina texts me constantly that week, wanting to know if I’mgetting the good dicking, already.
I send poop emojis as my only response.
It isn’t until the following week that I see Susie again. Her hair is piled high on her head, a pair of glasses on her face, when she shows up at my door on Tuesday evening with a bottle of wine andComing to America.
I readily open the door and allow her entrance.
“I’m so glad you’re home. I’ve been working practically nonstop and feel like I need to talk to another human today.”
I uncork the wine and smile at her. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to see anyone all day.”
Susie laughs and holds out her wine glass as I pour half the bottle in.
