Page 88 of Like You Want It
“Which is?”
“Uhmmmm… you donotfind the best orgasm ever and then cut it off. Well, notit.I mean, obviously you don’t cut off his dick. You’re not Lorena Bobbitt. I mean you don’t cut off the sex.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I’mserious.Girl, get back on that fucking cock and ride him until you can’t handle it anymore.”
I rest my face in my hands, wishing we’d decided to go somewhere else. Like an empty park. Or Dina’s house. Or a soundproof room somewhere that people couldn’t hear the things she thinks are appropriate to say in public.
I split my fingers apart and look at her through them like jail bars.
“I’m not going to keep having sex with a guy who doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
“Oh girl,” she says, shaking her head like I’m her child and she needs to correct my behavior. “That’s your first mistake, right there. This man wants to have sex with you so badly, he’s fucking you literally feet away from his family.”
“Ewwwww.”
“Maybe. But you can’t deny the intense and aggressive lust, here, okay? The desire is off the charts. And clearly the chemistry is, too, if you’re coming this fucking hard just from him looking at you.”
“Okay, that’s a little dramatic.”
“Barely,” she retorts, flagging a waitress and ordering another round of drinks.
“Fine. Let’s say he does want to have sex with me,” I retort, once the waitress has wandered off. “That doesn’t mean I should have sex with him when we want different things.”
She gives me an unimpressed look. “You both want orgasms. I don’t understand the problem.”
“Come on, be serious. I’ve never had a relationship that was just sex before.”
“Exactly. You really should give it a try.”
I bite my lip and shake my head.
Our waitress brings our new drinks and it gives me about ten seconds of a reprieve before Dina launches in again.
“Alright. I’m being completely serious now, okay? I think you should consider this a great opportunity to explore a different side of your sexual life. You and Fin might want different thingsin the long-term,but that doesn’t mean you can’t try crazy stuff with this guy, the giver of endlessly better orgasms,in the short-term. You don’t have to make it more serious than it needs to be.”
I rest my head against the back of the booth. “It’s not what I want.”
She sighs and swigs her drink. “You’ve said that already. But do you even reallyknowwhat you want?”
I pause at that, because even though I’ve been able to pinpoint that Fin and I probably want different things, I don’t know whether or not I’ve figured out whatIwant.
I swirl my wine in my glass, considering. The way Theo treated me, the way my dad and brother treat me.
“I guess I just want a relationship where I’m with someone that doesn’t treat me like I’m disposable. Who actually enjoys spending time with me because they like who I am. Even if it isn’t something serious.”
Dina purses her lips. “Have you ever talked to Fin about that?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course not. He barely says anything, and when he does, half the time he’s being this amazing guy who sacrifices everything for his family. And the other half, he’s snippy and trying to shut me down.”
She crosses her arms, her glass in one hand, and she taps a manicured fingernail against it as she thinks.
“Alright, I clearly don’t haveallthe answers, but I think I have one for this. Because if you’re having this amazing sex, he’s definitely down to get it on again. That’s just a fact. So, tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him what you want from him. Exactly the way you just said it to me.”
I shake my head again. “He’ll freak out.”
She shrugs. “Then he freaks out. But at least you aren’t playing some weird game of sexual frustration. At least you’re giving you two achanceto enjoy the sexy times instead of just assuming it won’t work.”
