Page 67 of Like You Want It
I nod, draining the last of my drink, then setting the glass on the edge of the pool. “I was grounded for three months. But it started a new tradition. Every year on my birthday, I do something big and colorful.”
Fin gestures to my arm, which is currently resting above water on the pink inner tube I’m floating in. “Was your tattoo one of those things?”
I nod. “Yeah. My mom was an artist, so I had someone tattoo one of her watercolors on my arm.”
“That issocool.” Susie swims over and examines my arm. “Your mom did this?” I nod again. “She was so talented.”
“She was amazing.”
“When did she pass away?”
“When I was twelve. Sixth grade. The worst time for a mom to die. I mean, I know that having your mom die atanyage is horrible, but so much changes that year. There are so many scary things that happen and… I had to face them all alone.”
Susie gives me a big hug over the edge of the inner tube, and I smile at her thoughtfulness, closing my eyes briefly and reveling in her care. “Well, it seems like you’ve been doing pretty great so far. Even if you did have to go it alone.”
I shrug, dropping my arms and floating back over to the edge of the pool. “Depends who you ask. If you talk to my dad, even sometimes to my brother? I’m the biggest failure they could imagine.”
“What?” Susie’s face scrunches up, one eyebrow climbing high and her mouth twisted to one side. “Why?”
“Why not? I didn’t go to college, I marked up my body, I have a shitty job. I dated one really big loser a long time ago, I waste my money, I have no drive or focus or…”
“Stop.”
It’s a quick, sharp, angry jab.
And it comes from Fin.
“Whatever it is they say? Don’t believe them. You’re not a failure. You’re…”
He trails off, not finishing his sentence, then looking away uncomfortably.
My eyes crinkle, and I know that focusing too much on him stepping outside of his normal comfort zone to reassure me will embarrass him. But I can’t help it.
I just watch him for a second, admiring the absolute ferocity in his eyes in his desire for me to not see myself the way my family seems to.
And then, I can’t help it.
I push off the wall and slip out of the inner tube, then step towards Fin, the water swirling around me. Once I’m close enough, I wrap my arms around his waist. I only hold him for a second, pressing my cheek against that tattooed chest that is quickly becoming a thing of my waking fantasies.
And then I step back, give him a smile, and say, “Thank you.”
Whatever wall he’d tried to put up between us last night? It feels like just that one declaration, that one instance of him stepping in to defend me from an unseen villain… it knocked off a few blocks. At least from my perspective. And I’m thrilled.
Because it means there is a portion of Fin that cares about me, and that’s the one thing I thought might have been missing last night. That he didn’t care. Now, I know that’s not the case.
“I wish I had tattoos. Yours are so cool,” Susie says a few minutes later, the conversation pulling out of emotional territory and drifting back to something safe.
I grin. “Thanks!” I lift my foot out of the water and show them my left ankle. “I got the Deathly Hallows when I turned eighteen. My brother said it was impulsive and I’d regret it. But it’s still my favorite one.” I pull my hair away from my the back of my neck, showing them the words written at the base. “This one I got last year.”
“What does it say?” Fin asks.
My body prickles as I feel him nearing me to get a better look at the tattoo that embodies my view of life.
Keep your face always toward the sunshine.
“That’s a great quote,” Susie says, and I smile.
“I have one more, but I can’t show you.” My tone is slightly flirtatious, and I allow my eyes to flick to Fin.
