Page 117 of Carnal Urges
He says quietly, “I can’t promise I won’t.”
“Have you ever thought about quitting?”
His pause is so long, I start to get nervous. But I don’t move an inch. I simply wait, my heartbeat picking up speed.
“A man can’t quit the thing that makes him who he is.”
“A gangster isn’t who you are. It’s what you do. There’s a difference.”
There’s another long pause, this one charged with tension. It’s like he’s fighting with himself over what to say. When he speaks again, his voice is so low, I have to strain to hear it.
“Tell me I can trust you with my life and mean it, and I’ll tell you if I’ve ever thought about quitting. And what would happen if I did.”
I turn my face to the pillow and exhale the breath I’ve been holding. “Tell me I won’t have to choose between you and Nat and mean it, and I’ll say you can trust me with your life.”
“It’s not only her you’d be choosing. It’s everything and everyone else.”
I whisper, “I know.”
“I’d never ask you to make that choice, lass.” He pauses. “But she might.”
“No fucking way she would.”
“The Irish Mob killed Kazimir’s entire family. Did you know that?”
Stunned, I look over my shoulder at him. “What?”
He nods. “His parents were murdered over a missed protection payment. And both his young sisters, too.” He looks away. Hisvoice lowers. “They had other things done to them before they died. Worse things. They sent Kazimir the pictures.”
I think I might be sick. “Do you know the people who did that?”
“They’re dead. Kazimir killed them all.”
“Oh god.”
“It was a long time ago. I’d just barely joined the ranks. I didn’t personally know the men involved, but it makes no difference to Kazimir. The Irish murdered his family. His hatred for us runs deep.”
“But all you guys cooperate with each other in business.”
“Sometimes. Other times, we kill each other. If he had the chance, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me.”
I roll onto my side and prop myself up on an elbow. “And you wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.”
His face darkens. I take that as a yes.
“You can’t hurt him, Declan.”
He looks at me for a moment, eyes flinty, then says, “Lass.”
“Don’t say that like I’m being absurd. You’re the one who said you’d promise me anything.”
“And you’re the one who hasn’t said I can trust you with my life.”
Anger makes my cheeks flush. “So it’s tit for tat?”
“No. Trust can’t be negotiated.”
Despite trying to keep it calm, my voice rises. “Natalie’s my best friend. She’s in love with him. If anything happens to him, it will kill her.”
