Page 35 of Brandishing Balance
Maya
ByMonday,Iwaschomping at the bit to get the fuck out of the hospital. Jenna and my mother were driving me nuts. Nico—bless his heart—was also driving me fucking nuts. Sunday Jason and Marcos had left for most of the day, taking Luke with them, leaving me with the three of them hovering over me. By the time Marcos and Jason came back that night, I was ready to lock myself in the bedroom suite.
Jason took one look at my face and had kicked everyone out. Thankfully Luke had been fine to go with Jenna and my mother.When Nico finally left, Jason had climbed into the bed with me and pulled me into his chest.
Monday morning was different though. Nico hated being away, so he was being clingy again. Marco and Jason had to leave for a job for the day, so my mother and Jenna had swooped in again. “I love you all, but I can’t take you guys anymore,” I finally said, putting my hands on my head. “I need quiet. All of you need to leave.”
“But—” Nico said, looking hurt.
“Nicolai, I love you, but you gotta go. For a couple hours, at least, please,” I said, exasperated.
Nico gasped in a fake outrage, holding his hand to his heart acting a fool. “You’re kickingmeout? What about—”
“Please!” I shouted, my fingers wrapped around my hair, pulling at the roots. I was getting overwhelmed and over stimulated; I was about to freak out on all of them soon if they didn’t leave me the fuck alone.
“Alright, Little Dreamer. I hear you,” Nico finally relented. He held his hands up in surrender and stood from his recliner.
When I was finally alone, I took a deep breath and fell back against the bed. I wanted a shower, arealshower, and I wanted my own damn bed, with no nurses coming in the middle of the night to check my vitals despite the damn computer I was hooked up to telling them everything they need to know. Darla had been fantastic, but on the nights she was off, the other nurse, the younger one, was a little less tactful. I had already complained to Griff several times.
I had also begun to text Griffin frequently, complaining about still being in the hospital. I needed peace and quiet, I needed my normal routine again—and Luke NEEDED to be in school. He was throwing more and more of a fit every time he had to leave me. While it broke my heart, it was getting out of hand.
We needed our fucking normal back.
I would fight tooth and nail to get my ass back home.
“How you doing?” Darla asked.
I slowly opened my eyes to meet the gaze of the older woman standing in the doorway and gave her an exasperated look that said it all.
Darla laughed and walked closer. “They mean well, at least.”
“I know. I know they do. It fucking sucks though. I haven’t time to fucking process everything yet and they’re watching me to see if I’m gonna fucking break down. Like they’re waiting for it.”
“Yeah, meeting other’s expectations of grieving is hard. Everyone processes pain and grief in their own way.” Darla took a seat in the hard plastic chair to my right that Jason usually sat in.
“I haven’t even had a chance to think of what happened, I’ve been refusing to let myself think about it, to be honest. Not while they’re all here and watching—waiting,” I grumbled.
Darla chuckled. “Have you thought about a therapist?”
“Yeah, I’ve thought that I’ll probably need one when I finally let myself think about the week of hell I went through. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten with that line of thinking though,” I admitted.
“That is honestly way more emotionally cognizant than anyone could expect after what you endured,” Darla nodded.
I shrugged. “It’s more of an avoidance than coping method, if I’m being honest. Anytime I start to think of what happened, I keep telling myself that now is not the time. I’m not ready to unpack all that yet—if I’ll ever be ready.”
“No,” Darla shook her head. “I don’t think anyone would ever ready to unpack that.”
I chuckled sardonically. “I’m gonna need therapy just dealing with my family.”
Darla barked a laugh. “They do seem a littlemuch, at some points.”
I grinned widely. “Met my sister, have you?”
“Oh, Doc Jen is great.” Darla grinned. “Your mother on the other hand?”
I laughed and slapped my thigh. “I know. Tell me about it.”
“She was going off on another nurse for the size of the ice cubes. I mean, you were unconscious still. Ice wasn’t a worry.” Darla shook her head.
