Page 47 of Brandishing Balance
I couldn’t help myself; I held her chin between my thumb and forefinger and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Maya gasped, and I felt the puff of air hit my lips. I backed away only slightly, watching as her eyes snapped open. “Wha—”
“You are the strongest person I know,” I said. “You can handleanythingthat life throws at you.” I repeated Jason’s words. “You can handle this. We will only be gone a couple hours and we’ll be back as soon as we can.”
Maya swallowed as tears once again lined her eyes.
I felt sick. I was doing this to her this time. Once again, I was leaving her, and she was silently begging me not to. Why the fuck was I doing this? My phone buzzed in my pocket. I clenched my jaw to keep from lashing out at the damn thing as I met Jason’s gaze over Maya’s head. He had that stone-face look about him, that said he was in business mode.
“I have to go, Mi Vida. I will see you later.” I pressed another kiss to her lips and turned away. I walked into the mudroom without looking back; despite knowing I was breaking her heart right now.
A moment later, Jason was joining me in the mud room as we both laced up our boots. I heard Maya’s stifled sob before I walked out the backdoor.
Maya
Icouldn’tbelieveit.Ishould believe it—but I couldn’t. They fucking left me alone. They left me AND Luke alone, not even a fucking week since I got home from the hospital. The fucking club always came before me. Always.
I was so sick of it.
I left the kitchen before they even left the house, trying to stifle the sob that escaped me as I moved through the living room. I had to put on a brave face for Luke, despite the fact that my heart was being crushed into a million pieces.
All I fucking wanted was to be put first for once my fucking life, have them choose ME over the fucking club. Was that too much to ask?
I had to slow my breathing and concentrate. Hearing two Harleys fire up on the driveway shook another sob free from me.
“Mom?” Luke asked, turning away from the movie to look out the window. “Where’s dad going?”
I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to calm my breathing.
“Mom? Are you ok?” Luke turned to me, catching my tears.
I quickly swallowed my sobs, took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. Forcing a smile to my face, I nodded. “Yeah, baby. I’m just really tired and not feeling that well. What do say we go finish the movie upstairs?”
Luke eyed me cryptically, but as the motorcycles roared away down the driveway, then the street, drawing Luke’s attention to the window again, I saw him frown. “Dad didn’t say goodbye.”
My heart couldn’t take much more. Marcos was a selfish fucking ass, and now my son was seeing it for the first time too. “I know, baby. I’m sorry. He said he had to go and he’d be back later tonight.”
Luke frowned, clearly not buying my white lie.
“Come on, let’s go upstairs.” The house suddenly felt a lot less safe when it was just the two of us in it.
Luke nodded and I stood from the couch. I went to the backdoor and made sure it was locked and dead bolted, then I checked the patio door, and the front door, before I turned off all the lights and followed Luke upstairs. I made a stop into my bedroom for my handgun, tucking it the back of my yoga pants, before I went down the hall to Luke’s room.
Luke set up the movie on his TV in his new bedroom, super proud to have his own big screen. The guys had even set up hisgaming system for him, so he could play whenever he wanted, much to my dismay.
“Are you sad that dad left?” Luke asked once we were settled onto his queen mattress and wrapped in blankets.
“Yeah, buddy. I am. I’m scared too,” I admitted.
“We’re safe here, right?” He looked worried as he met my gaze.
“Yeah, buddy. We’re safe. I’m just still nervous after everything that happened.” I tried to be as open as I could with my son about everything. Luke was a smart kid, he knew I traded myself to make sure he was home safe, and he knew the toll it took on me.
“I wish dad didn’t leave,” Luke said.
“Me too, buddy, me too.”
“It makes me mad. You feel better when he’s here. He should be here, taking care of you.”
I couldn’t say anything to that, not without crying, so I kept my mouth shut and let Luke vent his frustrations.
