Page 43 of They Were Roommates
Well, damn.
“Fuck I… I’m sorry,” Frankie hung his head, and as Diego remained silent Frankie slowly curled in on himself, dropping his head into his hands. It was too early—or late?— for this. He had worked so hard to keep a wall up around Diego this past month to prevent him from seeing how much Frankie was suffering. After all his careful work, seeing Diego put his shoes on in the middle of the night seemed to have broken straight through his wall. Frankie began to sob.
“Oh god, Frankie,” Diego choked out and he scrambled up onto the bed, kicking his shoes off and wrapping his arms and legs around Frankie.
“I’m… sorry…” Frankie cried, doing his best to make himself as small as possible.
Diego followed his movements, tightening his limbs, and burying his face in Frankie’s hair.
“You don’t have to apologize,querido. I know things haven’t been… good.” Frankie let out a broken noise and Diego sighed. “Yeah… okay… things have been awful, and it’s completely my fault, and I know that and… honestly Frankie I’ve sort of been waiting foryouto leaveme.”
Frankie jerked his head up so fast they knocked foreheads. Frankie fell backwards and Diego sort of flopped onto his side.
Like a toddler falling down on the playground, Diego was silent for a beat and then he burst into tears.
“Shit, D, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Frankie crawled forward and took his turn wrapping himself around his boyfriend.
Diego shook his head, and clutched desperately at Frankie’s shirt, pulling him impossibly closer to himself.
“You’re… not okay? Do you need ice? I can—”
Diego crashed their mouths together and it was way more teeth than anything else, but slowly they sank into the familiar press and glide of each other’s mouths. They’d kissed over the past month, but not like this. Diego would give Frankie a peck on the lips every morning and sometimes randomly during the day if they were both in the backroom together. They’d had sex once and it had been good because things always felt good between them, but the connection had been missing. This kiss, though, was all connection. Maybe that was why tears started sliding down Frankie’s cheeks again when Diego finally pulled away.
“I went to a meeting for trans adults,” Diego confessed, and Frankie’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face.
“Oh, uh… wow. That’s amazing, D. I mean… was it amazing? Or was it at least okay?”
Diego smiled softly, running his fingers back through Frankie’s hair. Frankie did his best not to purr and roll over into Diego’s lap to demand a belly rub. He was a tactile person and this past month had been incredibly difficult for him. He felt like a cat who had finally found a patch of sunlight. He leaned heavily against Diego, who dutifully took his weight and kept stroking him.
“It… was good. Really good, actually. It just felt like they understood everything right off the bat, with very little explanation or handholding. They just… got me.”
Frankie tried not to be hurt, he really did, but he felt his face crumple and he had to turn away. “That’s… amazing D. I’m so happy for you.”
Diego cupped his cheek and tried to turn his face back to him, but Frankie pulled out of his grasp.
“I just… need a second. I’m sorry. I really am so, so happy you found your people. I just… Please give me a second.”
Diego reached up with both hands to cradle Frankie’s face, and he had to look back this time or risk cranking his neck.
“Franklin, my love… they understood my gender, and my experience with it, and why everything that happened… why everything that haseverhappened to me was so incredibly hard, but you my darling, you understandeverythingthat isme. You’ve seen every side of me, know all of my strengths and flaws, and have had to put up with… well, you’ve just put up with so much these past few weeks—and really the entire time you’ve known me you’ve just had to put up with so much.”
“I don’tput upwithyou, Diego. I fucking love you,” Frankie said, and it came out harsh and broken sounding and nothing like how he had envisioned his first time saying those three words to be.
Diego didn’t seem to mind. A slow smile was spreading across his face, and he pulled Frankie in and kissed him. He was pretty sure he had tears and snot all over his face, but Diego kissed him like he was the most beautiful person on the planet.
He gently pulled Frankie down on top of him and Frankie was embarrassed to find his cock hardening against Diego’s leg.
“Sorry,” he mumbled into the kiss. “Just ignore it.”
Diego hummed into the kiss then said, “I’d rather not.”
Frankie pulled back to look down at his boyfriend. “I know, D, that’s why I said ignore it.”
Diego smiled up at him and there was a light in his eyes Frankie hadn’t seen in a long time. “I meant I’d rather not ignore it. I want you, Frankie. Inside me. Now.”
Frankie experienced a full body shiver from his head all the way down to his toes, but sadly he had to shake his head. “D, Ijust… it’s been a really long day and an even longer night. I’m sure you’re really tired and probably overwhelmed after your meeting and this just isn’t something I feel comfortable deciding on the spur of the moment. If… if we woke up in the morning and you regretted this, I don’t think I could live with myself. I’m not trying to make this decision for you, but… I need to make it for myself.”
And there was the fact that Diego very pointedly hadn’t acknowledged Frankie’s proclamation of love aloud. He’d called Frankie love as a pet name for the first time, so Frankie didn’t think they were too far away from mutual love, but it seemed they might not be there yet. If they had sex tonight, and it wasn’t filled with love, it very well might break Frankie.
