Page 13 of Patiently Yours
That’s when I remember.
The texts.
“Did you read them?” I ask her, feeling very shaky all of a sudden.
She nods gently.
“I was ignoring him.” I shrug, listing the usual line of defense. “I wasn’t being a good girlfriend.”
“You aren’t his girlfriend anymore.Please, this has to end.” She puts her hand in mine and interlaces our fingers. “I want my best friend back. He has fucked with you long enough. Please let me help you.”
I want to screamyesbut something in me hurts. Some deep and subliminal part of me thinks this is it. This is what I deserve.
Derekis who I deserve.
My parents knew it. He knew it. I’m not a good person, and I don’t deserve to be with good people. I’m selfish and I only pay attention when I want to. I don’t care about others’ feelings. If I did, I would be more mindful of my surroundings, of others’ feelings.
“What if he’s the only alpha that’s ever going to want me?” I think out loud.
“That’s literally impossible.” She squeezes my hand some more, pulling me out of my head so I’ll look at her. She looks tired and her eyes are redder than usual, almost like she’s spent the night crying. “You are destined for an extraordinary pack. You have to believe that. And if you don’t, I will remind you every single day until you do.”
I finally let a few tears fall, nodding my head.
She’s right. It’s time. No more letting Derek upset me. No more letting him manipulate me.
It’s time to end it. For good this time.
“Can you come with me?” I ask her.
I wish I was strong enough to do it alone. I used to be, I think. But Derek knows how to shine light on all the right insecurities to get me to stay. He exposes my doubting thoughts and tries to confirm to me that they are true.
“Of course,” she says. “Right after we get something to eat.”
We walkhand-in-hand down the sidewalk of College Row. When I see the letters of Alpha Xi come into focus, a bout of nausea threatens to come up. In the late night, I had failed to recognize the building. I feel sick just thinking about it.
Having trouble staying present has always been difficult. Most people who know me consider it a part of my personality. I’m often lost in my own world. But it’s been different these last few months; it’s happened more often. Chunks of time lost to me, like I’m working on autopilot.
I don’t notice we’re in front of the door until Rory is ringing the doorbell. It’s almost noon, and I’m hoping most of the frat brothers who were up late partying are awake and don’t mind the intrusion.
The door opens and the frat president is there, his calming apple scent feeling much warmer than a typical alpha. He gives us a soft smile when he recognizes us.
I like to call him Samwise in my head. The Lord of the Rings character is one of my favorites ever written and Sam gives off the same vibe to me. Loyal. Strategic. Over the world’s bullshit.
“You doing okay, Stacia?” he asks, and I realize he and Rory have already exchanged the casual small talk.
I just smile and nod, trying not to think about the inevitable conversation I’m about to have. “Is Derek here?”
“Yeah, I can go get him.” He opens the door wider and invites us in before leading us to the living room.
Before Sam can walk away, Rory beckons him over and lowers her voice so only we can hear. “Things might get a bit tense in here. Is there any way you could… stay nearby? Or get a few of your members to standby just in case things get out of hand?”
I fight the heavy sigh that threatens to escape. I know she’s right. Derek is volatile. It makes what I’m about to do feel like a big deal.
I mean, itisa big deal, if the feeling my omega is sending through my body is anything to go by.
“Of course.” Sam doesn’t even hesitate. It makes me take another look at him. Derek was never very nice when talking about Sam. I’d argue with him about it in the beginning, but it got taxing very fast.
I wonder now, sadly, if I’m not the only person Derek has inflicted with his hatred.
