Page 31 of A Lot to Unpack
‘You deserve to do something special,’ he says, taking my hand again, squeezing it.
It is very sweet, when he holds my hand, but it is making it harder for me to eat, and this food is delicious.
‘Aw, thanks,’ I reply, picking up my can of Coke with my left hand so that I can have a drink.
‘It’s just my luck, that I meet a girl so perfect, but she’s from the other side of the world, and she’s going home soon,’ he says. ‘You know what though, tell me if you feel it too, but I reckon we could make it work.’
I cough and splutter, choking on my drink.
‘Sorry, it went down the wrong way,’ I say as I catch my breath. ‘You were saying what, sorry? Making what work?’
‘Me and you, doing the long-distance thing,’ he replies.
For a second I stare at him. He has to be kidding.
‘I know, it will be hard, but I think it’s worth it. Let’s see where this goes,’ he suggests with a level of enthusiasm that is frankly alarming.
I thought Australia, the actual other side of the world, would be somewhere I could meet someone, have a nice time with them, see how it goes, and then head home as free and single as I arrived. Sort of like a test. I thought this because the only way I could meet a man who lived further away would be if I got a booty call from someone aboard the International fucking Space Station (yes, I did google ISS right after my date with Woody, and now what he said makes a lot of sense).
I feel so cheated. Seriously, I’ve come all this way, thinking I could relax, have a commitment-free time, enjoy myself – and yet here we go again. The alarm is sounding, and every reflex I have is telling me to run from this man who is clearly crazy – or to use his own words: mad as a cut snake.
I didn’t want to spend my birthday dwelling on why I can’t seem to pull the trigger on moving on. I – ironically – come on these trips so that I don’t have to unpack anything. Ugh, and now here we are.
Obviously, I shouldn’t go to dinner with this man. His intense relationship with his mum seems ever more crackers, now that I’ve seen how quickly he’s trying to get serious with me. Honestly, if you can’t rely on a beach lifeguard to be the kind of guy to shag his way through every tourist he meets, then what has the world come to?
‘I’ll just check, make sure my boss doesn’t want me to do anything this evening,’ I tell him, grabbing my phone, doubtful that there will be anything there, but certain I’m going to lie that there is.
‘Only a monster would make you work on your birthday,’ he points out.
Then a monster is what I’ll make out like she is, because there is no way I’m spending the evening with this guy.
Oh my God, I don’t believe it, there’s an email from Paige, saying I’m needed at a dinner this evening, with an attachmentincluding the details. I have work – actual work to do – and I’m not disappointed at all, because this gets me off the hook.
‘Oh, no, I do have to work tonight,’ I tell him – rather conveniently, but it’s true – but I don’t sound as disappointed as I had intended.
He narrows his eyes in disbelief.
‘Really?’ he replies.
‘Yeah, honestly, look, here’s the email,’ I tell him, showing him my phone, sounding like I can’t quite believe my luck.
Poor Liam. I feel bad now, but it never would have worked. If he’s going to entertain a future with anyone then he should pick someone who is a) geographically accessible, because the UK and Australia are about as far apart as you can get and b) someone emotionally available, because I so clearly am not.
Whether I’m doing it on purpose or not, things just never seem to go right. My dates are like Groundhog Day. Sooner or later I’m icked-out and I’m running for the hills (or my flight home) – there are always red flags or, worse, beige ones, and I can’t see beyond them.
Is it always going to be like this? Me going on dates, wondering what’s going to be wrong with whoever I’m seeing? What big fat flaw or itty-bitty ick is going to be the thing that sees me retreating? I feel like I’ll always find something, even if things are going well, some little thing to obsess over, to call the whole thing off.
Maybe I’m broken, but I can’t worry about that now.
I have a job to do.
11
MrLoveByte
Where are you hiding, NewGirl?
I’m not sure if he’s giving Joey Tribbiani fromFriendsor Joe Goldberg fromYou. Is he flirty, or frightening? There’s a fine line – well, there is when you have an ick alarm as sensitive as mine. I’m pretty sure it’s charming, I’m just resisting, as always, but I don’t feel like I’ve having a very good run with men at the moment, so you’ll forgive me for swearing off them.
