Page 30 of A Lot to Unpack
‘It’s my birthday today,’ I tell him, realising I haven’t yet mentioned it. ‘I’m pretty sure, anyway. I forget what the time difference is, so maybe it’s not technically my birthday back home, but it’s my Aussie birthday.’
‘What?’ Liam blurts. ‘Happy birthday!’
‘Thanks,’ I reply.
‘So, you’re alone in Sydney for your birthday?’ he checks. ‘Wait, isn’t it your thirtieth birthday then?’
‘No, I’m turning thirty-one today,’ I reply.
‘I was gonna say, my mum would’ve been mad as a cut snake if I’d spent my big 3-0 on the other side of the world,’ he tells me, popping a frankly massive chip in his mouth.
I have been messaging with my mum, and I told her I would call her later tonight, for a proper chat. The plan is that, when I’m home, we’ll have a big party – probably while I’m there for Christmas, but after Hannah’s wedding, so she doesn’t think I’m only doing it to steal her thunder. It’s not like it’s my ‘big’ birthday, is it?
I’ve noticed Liam talks about his mum a lot. I don’t know how recently she passed away, but you can tell she’s on his mind. It’s sweet.
‘I don’t know, it’s kind of cool, being here,’ I tell him. ‘And, to be honest with you, I didn’t do anything special for my thirtieth anyway, so I don’t think it would have been any different.’
I remember, at the time, Ben saying thirty wasn’t really a milestone. That after twenty-one there was nothing to be proud of by simply ageing. He said that at that point it stops feeling like counting up, and it starts feeling like counting down. I remember my blood running cold when he said it, because I don’t feel old, but he made me feel like we were on borrowed time, that our days were numbered. I suppose, when you think about it, when you view life as that short, it makes sense to live life like there are no consequences for your actions.
I disagreed with pretty much everything he had to say on the matter (which should have made me realise we were completely incompatible) because I think ageing is a privilege. Looking back, I can’t remember what we did agree on. We certainly didn’t agree on whether or not we should show our genitals to other people, I know that much.
I wonder if he’ll do that to his next girlfriend, if he’ll sneak around behind her back, or if that was just something special he did to ruin my life. Actually, you know what, I’m going to givemyself my birthday off from thinking about any of that. Ben isn’t welcome in my thoughts today, even if I am slagging him off.
‘My mum threw me a surprise party, at a restaurant in town, it was great,’ he tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts. ‘She didn’t get on with my ex-girlfriend, so it meant a lot to me, that they planned the party together. But, hey, she was right about her. She always told me, when she thought she saw something that didn’t seem right with my ex – her intuition was spot on, but that wasn’t anything new. I remember, even when I was a kid, she would tell me that you could tell a lot about a person from their hands.’
Liam takes my hands in his, turning them, looking them over.
‘I think you’d pass the test,’ he says with a smile.
‘That’s really nice,’ I tell him, smiling back at him. ‘When did you lose her?’
Liam raises an eyebrow.
‘How do you mean?’ he asks.
‘When did she pass away?’ I say more clearly.
‘Liberty, she’s not dead,’ he says, sounding almost offended. ‘What made you think she was dead?’
Erm, the fact that you talk about her all the time, in a way that would be sweet if she had passed, and you were missing her, but now that I know she’s still alive it seems kind of creepy.
‘Oh, sorry, I must have misunderstood you,’ I reply.
I give my head a little wiggle, the alarm bells going off in my ears like tinnitus that won’t quit. I just need to ignore it, because I’m doing it again, I’m being overly critical. Oh, what’s Liam’s big crime, loving his mum too much? Come on. I’m being ridiculous. He’s a great guy, he’s fun, he’s gorgeous, we’re having a lovely time together, it’s only a holiday romance at best, and it’s my birthday. Even my ‘ick’ alarm should take my birthday off. Plus, in a few days, I’ll be safely back home, on the other side of theworld, and I’ll never see him again. That’s what I’m focusing on, while I’m here, because it takes the pressure off. It’s not a big deal if I mess up. I get to go home after. All I need to do is enjoy myself and not worry about the details. How hard can that be?
‘Ah, that’s okay,’ he replies, batting his hand. ‘So, it’s your birthday, how are we celebrating?’
I glance down at my food, then back up at him.
‘Nah, this is lunch, we should go out for dinner,’ he suggests.
‘Oh, okay, I’d love that,’ I reply.
‘We could go out in Sydney, just give me a couple of hours, I can organise something special,’ he tells me.
I smile, relaxing again.
‘Don’t go to any trouble,’ I insist. ‘I thought I’d be spending it alone, so doing anything is a step up from that.’
