Page 112 of When the Stars Rise
All I have to do is own up to the truth and be honest with her. I’ll apologize for lying and promise that it will never happen again.
I know the plan is flawed, and I’m grasping at straws here. My heart is telling me that it’s too little too late. But I’m stubbornly clinging to hope like it’s my lifeline.
When I hear her footsteps outside the door, I rise to my feet with a big smile as the door swings open and Hayley is standing on the threshold. In two strides I’m standing before her, reaching for her, but Hayley holds up her hands to ward me off and takes two steps back into the hallway.
My smile slips.
“I need you to leave now,” she says firmly. “If you’re not gone in two minutes, Chris will physically remove you.”
So cold. I don’t even recognize this version of Hayley.
Did I do this to her?
I rub my chest to ease the ache as hope flies out the window and leaves me hanging.
I hold up my hands. “Let’s talk about this. I can explain—"
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I’m trying to find her eyes, but she won’t let me. She crosses her arms over her chest and backs up a few more steps as if she can’t get far enough away from me. “I need you to go.”
“Come on, Hales.” I ignore Chris standing behind her, ready to drag my ass off this bus and focus on Hayley. “You’re just going to kick me out without even listening to my side—”
“I already know your side of the story, Noah.” She lifts her chin and if eyes could shoot daggers, I’d be stabbed a dozen times. “You lied to me so you could go jump off a fucking bridge.” She stabs a finger at me, her voice shaking with anger, but her chin is quivering and for some idiotic reason her vulnerability gives me hope. “You lied to me.”
“I know.” I hang my head and rub the back of my neck. “I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry—"
“When did you become such a liar, Noah?”
“I told one white lie. More like a lie of omission,” I say attempting to justify my actions. I keep forging on even when I know that I’m only making everything worse but it’s like I can’t help myself. “That doesn’t make me a liar. You know me, Hales. You know I’m not a liar…” My voice drifts off as her shoulders sag in disappointment because like a dumb shit I’m lying about not being a liar now.
All I want to do is pull her into my arms and make it all better, but her shields are up and her eyes have grown hard.
She doesn’t trust me. And I know she has a good reason not to but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“Do you lie about everything now?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I only lied because I didn’t think you could handle the truth.” I wince. The words came out wrong, but I can’t take them back.
“Oh wow. Put it back on me. That’s really big of you.” Her eyes narrow in accusation. “So you’re a liarandan asshole.”
I push both hands through my hair and blow air out of my cheeks, nodding a few times. “Yeah, okay. I’m an asshole.” I shrug, going on the defensive. “But I was only trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to have to worry about me.”
“Well, guess what? Your job here is done. You don’t have to protect me from anything anymore. You’re free of all further obligations. So if you want to jump off bridges or mountains in Norway then go for it. I’m not standing in your way anymore.”
I open my mouth to speak but then my mind snags on her words. “How did you know about Norway?”
“It doesn’t matter how I know. That’s not the point. I’m not going to stand by and watch you kill yourself for… what?” She throws up her hands. “For a thrill that lasts a few seconds? Isn’t your life worth more than that, Noah?”
We’ve been here before but I still don’t know how to explain to her why I need to do the things I do, so I opt for a diversion. “Nothing is going to happen to me. Norway is beautiful, and I’m looking forward to spending time there. I was thinking you could come with me—"
“Oh my god.” Her jaw drops. “You really are delusional, aren’t you? You’re not checking into a five-star resort and using their spa facilities, Noah. You’re jumping off a cliff,” she shouts. “Have you lost your fucking mind? It’s the most dangerous sport in the world. Do you know how many people die? And even if you don’t die, what about the non-fatal injuries? You could end up paralyzed or brain damaged. Don’t you ever stop to think about that?”
I give her a pointed look. “No. I don’t spend my entire life thinking about death or non-fatal injuries.”
“Not like me, right? Because you’re too busyliving,” she says mockingly. “I thought skydiving was bad enough, but I was ready to accept that that’s your thing, and I was going to be as supportive of your lifestyle as you are of mine. I was going to try to do that, Noah. I believed you when you promised everything would be different.” She releases a shaky breath and lowers her gaze. “But I should have known better. We never really discussed exactly how it would be different, did we? That’s on me. I shouldhave pushed for answers, but I was so scared…” Her eyes lower. “I was so scared that you’d leave me again like you did last time that I just…” She shakes her head. “I… I can’t do it. I just can’t do this anymore.”
“Hales—”
She lifts her head and I wish I could turn away so I wouldn’t have to see that look on her face. Her eyes are bleak and filled with so much sadness I can barely breathe. But I can never look away from Hayley, and when she opens her mouth to speak, I know what she’s going to say so I stop her with my words.
