Page 59 of Christmas Charms
And not in a good way. I’m more confused than anything else, honestly. I sort of feel like one of the firefighters milling about should wrap me up in one of those silver space blankets they give people who’ve experienced a sudden loss of body heat.
The parade is seconds from starting, and I just gave Aidan his Christmas gift. There’s still so much for us to talk about, so much to say. He was about tokiss me, for real this time, and now he’s standing awkwardly between Jeremy and me, clearly feeling like a third wheel. My special moment with Aidan has been ruined, and now that Jeremy is here, I’m not sure we can get it back.
I glance in Aidan’s direction, and when our eyes meet, I see him tuck the pocket watch I’ve just given him into his coat pocket. Out of sight.
His gaze flits toward Jeremy, and he extends his hand for a shake. “Hello, I’m Aidan Flynn. Welcome to Owl Lake.”
“Jeremy Davis.” Jeremy takes Aidan’s hand and pumps it up and down without bothering to remove his fine leather gloves. He clearly has no clue who Aidan is or what he once meant to me. I know for a fact that we’ve talked about it, but like so much else about me, he seems to have neglected to pay any attention to the details.
How could I have possibly wanted to marry this man?
My eye flit once again toward Aidan, even though looking at him right now hurts. Any and all traces of Aidan’s charming dimples vanish as he searches my gaze. He recognizes Jeremy’s name, and he obviously wants to know why my ex-boyfriend is here in Owl Lake when I told him Jeremy was spending Christmas in Paris.
Join the club.I shrug but Aidan turns to check on the fire truck getting into position at the parade’s starting line before he can see it.
I’ve got to get control of this situation right now. Aidan and I have a job to do. Together. I gave him my word.
“Jeremy, the parade is just about to start, and we…” I gesture at the empty space between Aidan and me, which feels cavernous all of a sudden. “…we’re in charge, and…”
My words are tumbling over one another, and the seconds are passing too quickly. Jeremy doesn’t even seem to be listening. He’s too busy grinning from ear to ear, reaching for my hands and squeezing them tight.
“Ashley! Aidan! There you are. Hugh is looking—” My dad’s voice trails off as he walks up to our awkward trio. He does a double take at the sight of Jeremy, and his smile freezes in place. “Jeremy. This is, ah, certainly a surprise.”
My mom bustles up beside him, with Fruitcake’s candy cane–striped leash wrapped around her crocheted mittens. When she spots Jeremy, her mouth forms a perfect O of surprise.
“Look, honey.” My dad’s spine goes rigid and he draws in a long breath. “It’s Jeremy.”
“I can see that,” Mom says, and then she reaches to give Jeremy a polite hug. “Merry Christmas, Jeremy. We thought you were in Paris!”
“I was.” Jeremy nods. “And Paris is beautiful this time of year, as always. But it just wasn’t right without Ashley.”
He flashes me an apologetic smile, and it’s the most contrite expression I’ve seen on his face in the entirety of our relationship.
“Oh.” I shake my head. “You don’t need to apologize.”
He didn’t actually apologize, though, I think. There’s a difference between implying something and saying it out loud—a huge difference that I’m more aware of now than ever. If I’d had time to actually tell Aidan how I feel before Jeremy popped up, I wouldn’t be feeling so terribly uncomfortable at the moment.
All I did was give him the watch and tell him the past few days have been special. I stopped short of saying the words that mattered most.
I still love you.
“That’s okay. You’ll see Paris next year.” Jeremy winks at me, oblivious to the thoughts swirling through my head.
Whatis going on?
“It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. Why don’t you stay here, Ashley? I’ve got the parade under control,” Aidan says.
Wait.
I shake my head. That’s not what I want at all. I know Aidan is only trying to be nice, but I don’t want to stay here on the sidelines. I want to be right in the center of things, helping to run the parade, just like I promised. Just like I chose, when I made the decision to volunteer. I haven’t seen a Firefighters’ Toy Parade in what feels like an eternity, and I don’t want to be a visitor in my hometown anymore. I want to be a part of it—this year and for many more years to come.
All of them, I realize as my throat goes tight. All of the years, the entirety of my Christmas future.
I’ve been running away from Owl Lake for as long as I can remember, searching for something I couldn’t quite name. Adventure? Glamour? Excitement? I’m not even sure anymore. I just know that the closer I got to that ever-elusive something, the emptier I felt. I don’t belong in Paris. I don’t even belong in New York anymore. I belong right here, in the town I’ve loved with my whole heart for as long as I can remember.
“Um…” I remove my hands from Jeremy’s. Has he been holding them this entire time?
But I don’t have a chance to finish what I was going to say. Aidan doesn’t even get the chance to turn and make his exit, because the moment I let go, Jeremy reaches into the pocket of his elegant black overcoat and pulls out a small, square Windsor-blue box.
