Page 29 of Home Changes
But it didn’t stop the damn disease. Sometimes Chester forgot he’d already eaten and asked for lunch again. Sometimes he lost words mid-sentence, frustration taking over until he gave up talking altogether.
Seth had taped reminders all over the fridge.Things to Do,Things to Watch, andThings to Talk to the Doctor About.
He set alarms on his phone for everything: pills, water, check-ins. He found out that his father wouldforget to drink water, which was probably what had led to his UTI. The UTIs could cause his father to become combative, and Dr. Carlisle said it could have been the reason for his anger issues before Seth came to stay with him. Things all made sense with the diagnosis, but he hated it, nonetheless.
Seth installed a motion sensor on the back and front door that chimed on his phone. There was no way he’d havethatscare again. His daily runs had stopped. Instead, he worked with improvised weights and calisthenics to keep his cardio engaged. He made sure Gomer stuck to his dad like glue. The dog understood his task and followed Chester everywhere.
Labels went on every drawer in the house, especially the kitchen. He was doing anything to help Chester navigate the space that had once been second nature. Still, by the fourth day, Seth was running on fumes.
After Chester had gone to bed, Seth sat alone on the porch. Gomer lay sprawled at his feet, tail thumping softly every now and then as if to say,Still here.
The stars were out, sharp and brilliant in the South Dakota sky. Seth leaned forward, elbows on his knees, eyes fixed on the distant horizon. It wastoo late to call Allison. He didn’t want to wake her. And if he were honest, he didn’t want to make his loneliness her burden. The truth was, he hadn’t realized howlonelycaregiving could be. Or howguiltynormal emotional responses to his father’s disease made him feel. The smallest frustrations built up, like bricks stacked in a line. He hated the way he reacted when Chester asked the same question over and over. The impatience that shouldn’t be there but sometimes was. He hated the resentment that crept in when he wanted an hour to himself but couldn’t get it. And he hated that he missed the old version of his father. The version that didn’t get along with him. The version that was stubborn, self-righteous, and pigheaded. The one that remembered what day it was and that his mom had passed.
The screen door creaked open behind him, and Chester stepped outside, squinting into the night. “You coming in soon, boy?”
“Yes, sir,” Seth replied quietly. “Just needed a minute.”
Chester nodded like he understood. Maybe he did. Maybe those flickers of clarity hadn’t gone out just yet.
“You know,” Chester said, his voice low, “I never said thanks.”
Seth looked up, surprised. “For what?”
“For coming back. For dealing with me and … things.”
“You don’t have to say thanks, Pops.”
Chester crossed his arms and looked down at him. The same way he always had, stern and strong. “Maybe not,” he said. “But I should. And I’m saying it now. Thank you.”
Seth stood slowly.
They faced each other in silence, only the rustle of wind in the trees filling the space between them. Then Seth did something he’d never done before. He reached out and placed his hand on his father’s shoulder. And took the leap he’d never dared take before.
“I love you, Pops,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that out loud.”
Chester’s eyes dipped, his jaw tight. “I feel the same, boy. Don’t say the words, but I feel the same.” His voice cracked, and tears shimmered in his eyes. “I hate that you have to see me like this.”
Seth cleared his throat, struggling to hold steady, to keep the emotion from clogging the words between them. “Don’t be, Dad. I’ll take care of you. You taught me how to be a man. How to carry my weight and the weight of others.”
Chester’s eyes cut to him, sharp again. “Others?”
“Delbert,” Seth said simply.
Chester gave a small smile. “Man is dumber than a box of rocks. Used to be smart, though. You know what he was like?”
Seth shook his head. “No, sir. I didn’t meet him until after the accident.”
Chester nodded. “Yeah, I knew that.” He sighed and glanced at Seth again. “When I can’t anymore … you check on him, all right?”
His father had asked him to watch out for Delbert before. But Seth didn’t mind repeating the answer. “That’s a promise, Pops.”
Chester sniffed and looked toward the house. “Good. We should go in. Getting chilly out here. Making my nose run.”
Seth fought back the lump in his throat.Cold, he’d go with that. “Yeah. Mine, too. Let’s go in.”
Seth glanced back and waited for Gomer to walk into the house after his father. He looked at the brilliant stars in the sky and said a prayer of thanks for the moment of clarity, the memory, the words, and the emotion that was choking him. He’d carry this moment and those words in his heart for the rest of his life.
CHAPTER 11
