Page 103 of The Sapphire Child
Stella began to shake with emotion. ‘I don’t want to,’ she said unhappily, ‘but to keep it would be selfish. I can’t give the baby a home – not one where it’ll be treated normally. We’ll both be outcasts. I don’t want my child to be taken from me and given to strangers or end up in an orphanage where it might not be loved in the way it deserves.’ Her eyes flooded with tears. ‘But if you take my baby, I know that you will be the best parents he or she could have. I’ve seen the way you’ve loved Andrew and the way you’ve taken care of me these past months, not bothered about the shame I’ve brought you.’
Esmie was pressing her hand to her mouth to stop a sob.
‘I can’t make you do this,’ Stella said, ‘but the only way I can face giving him or her up is if I know you will be looking after it.’
Esmie rushed over to Stella. ‘Sit down, lassie. You’re shaking like a leaf. This is all such a shock. Are you sure you’ve thought it through?’
Stella nodded.
Esmie looked at her husband. ‘Tom? Say something.’
Tom cleared his throat, struggling to speak. A single tear ran down his lean cheek. ‘Yes,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I’d be a father to the baby – if you agree as well.’
Esmie smiled through her tears and nodded. ‘Yes, Stella, we will. But would it not be better to wait and decide after the birth?’
‘No,’ said Stella, not wanting to weaken her resolve. ‘I want my mother to be told that it’s you who’s expecting – and that I’ve stayed to help. I’ve thought about it so much and I think that thisway is best for all of us. If Karo and Bijal don’t say anything, then who is to know that it’s not yours?’
Esmie encircled her with her arms and kissed her head tenderly. ‘My poor, sweet Stella. What a brave lassie you are.’
Stella felt her tears come. She looked over to see Tom openly weeping.
A few days later, Tom returned full of joy about Andrew.
‘I wired the Borderers’ HQ in New Delhi. Andrew’s there. He arrived last month.’
‘Oh, darling!’ cried Esmie. ‘That is good news. When will we see him?’
‘He thinks they’ll be sent up to Taha by next month. I’ve asked him to let us know when he’s likely to be passing through Pindi.’
‘I can’t wait to see him!’ Esmie hugged him.
Stella’s spirits lifted to think that Andrew was back in India. She was eager to see him too and catch up on the years apart. They probably would never recapture the close bond they’d once shared – their lives had diverged so much since she’d left him behind in Ebbsmouth. But if he was still the affectionate Andrew of his boyhood then she was sure they could rekindle their friendship. She was anxious, though, on Esmie’s behalf. She had seen at first hand how intent Lydia had been on turning Andrew against his stepmother and wondered how awkward the reunion would be between them.
At the mention of Pindi, Stella asked nervously, ‘Did you speak to Ma?’
‘Yes.’ Tom looked awkward. ‘I told her that Esmie is expecting – that we hadn’t said anything in case the pregnancy went wrong. I felt a fraud saying it, but that is what you want, isn’t it?’
Stella nodded. ‘What did she say?’
‘She was delighted for us. And she said you were to stay on as long as we needed you.’
Stella’s chest tightened. The deed was done and there was no going back. For the past few days she had forced herself to begin thinking of the baby as belonging to the Lomaxes and not her. She gave Tom a small smile of assent.
Esmie, sensing her unwillingness to dwell on the subject, asked, ‘So what else did you bring from Srinagar?’
Tom had newspapers and post. The papers confirmed the frightening news that they had heard on the wireless: Singapore had fallen to the Japanese forces with the surrender of tens of thousands of troops. Hundreds of civilians had also been taken prisoner. Stella felt leaden at the thought that Hugh might be among them. But there were no further letters from him.
‘I’ve wired Calcutta on your behalf, Stella,’ Tom said, ‘as I knew you’d be worrying about Keating.’
‘Thank you,’ Stella said, trying not to be tearful.
His look turned grim. ‘The Indian Army must be fighting to hold onto Burma too – they’re evacuating Rangoon.’
Stella’s stomach churned. ‘Evacuating them to where? India?’
‘I imagine so,’ said Tom.
‘So India could be next?’ she asked fearfully.
