Page 80 of Resistance Training
I was scared of what would happen if I told him I had changed my mind.
And Aubrey thought it would be a bad idea to back out. Path of least resistance, blah blah. So I didn’t.
If it bothered you that I still went with him even though I knew how upset it made you, I’m sorry.
I’m very sorry.
I don’t know how to write it so it comes through in an email, but I am really, truly, forever sorry.
In my defense, I am not the only teenage girl who did something dumb because she thought it was a good idea to say yes to the popular guy. It’s not an excuse for hurting you by saying yes to Other Brad. Although I really didn’t know how badly he had treated you over the years.
This isn’t an excuse, or maybe it is, but…it’s hard being a girl.
There’s obviously stuff you didn’t want to tell me and there is also stuff that I don’t talk to you about. Girl stuff. I don’t expect you to understand it or to want to. And I don’t blame you for not understanding. But some part of me knew that for the rest of my life I’d be asked about my prom experience and I decided I should actually have a prom experience. It didn’t occur to me when Other Brad asked that you would want to go since you had seemed very vehemently against it up until that point.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say here, other than you are my best friend, but you’re also a guy. An extremely stubborn and kind of moody guy. And I didn’t feel like I could talk to you about everything. Especially prom and other guys. Not that there were other guys. I mean, there were guys I made out with before I moved here, but only ever in closets at parties or spin the bottle or when we were drinking or whatever.
Ugh.
I’m rambling.
Well. Happy graduation! Friends forever!
I can’t believe you’re icing me out, Bradley. That’s such a thirteen-year-old girl move.
Please write back. Please. Just so I know you’re okay.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Gone Boy
Jun 27, 2017, 4:35 p.m.
Hi.
I went to our spot at the beach today.
I was doing some magical thinking and thought maybe I’d find you there. Spoiler alert: I didn’t. It was so weird, being there by myself. It used to be a place where I knew I could feel good and calm and not think about anything outside of the tide beating against the shore and the breeze and whatever book I was reading and you. Today it was the loneliest place on earth.
Where are you?
Where did you go?
I don’t understand how you can just disappear like this.
Your parents too?
Gone.
You’re just gone.
My family went to Orcas Island for a week, and when we get back your house has a For Sale sign and a Sold sign in front of it and it’s empty. None of your neighbors know where you guys moved to, they just know that you’re all fine.
What the hell, Brad? How can you just disappear like that? Did our friendship mean nothing to you? Does me doing one thing that you didn’t like negate every other thing?Really? Is that how relationships work? Is that how you work?
I’m so confused and so hurt and just shocked.
