Page 101 of Deep Blue Lies
She doesn’t answer, but stares at me intently, and I take a few steps back so that I’m not behind the old concrete bar with her. That’s where I wanted to be so that there would be a physical barrier between us, but she got here first. I move around the other side of the bar, where there are still a few tiled concrete posts that once served as fixed stools. To try and calm myself – and give an illusion of calm – I sit on one, looking at my mother, who now stands, leaning her arms on the bar between us.
“So, what’s this about then?”
She’s like a vixen, tasting the air carefully with every word she utters. Alert to how dangerous I can be if she doesn’t handle mejust right.
“Why are we here, Ava?”
There’s no point with preamble, pretending this is anything other than it is. From my pocket I pull a pen drive, purchased this morning from Maria’s little store, quite possibly it’s the only one she’s sold in years.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a USB stick.”
“I can see it’s a USB stick. I’m wondering why you’re waving it in my face?”
Till now I haven’t been looking her in the eyes. I maybe don’t even mean today, maybe I never have. But now I do. They’re bright, bright blue, like the sky above. Not like mine, which are dark chestnut brown.
“Imogen sent it to me.”
Her expression cracks. The calm, confident shell. It doesn’t collapse – far from it, but it slips a little. My words concern her.
“Imogen? What did she put on it? More drug-fuelled hallucinations?”
“She told me everything.” I ignore the excuse she’s trying to make, before I’ve even said anything. “She told me the truth.”
“I’ve told you, Ava, that woman – that poor woman – has said all kinds of things over the years, but very rarely the truth. That’s why I’ve tried to stick with her. To support her. It’s why I flew out here when I heard she’d been attacked. To help her.”
Except you were already here, I think to myself, but I don’t say that.Except you were the one who attacked her.There’ll be time for that.
“She’s told me everything, Mum. It arrived by courier yesterday evening, when I was cleaning out my apartment.”
“OK. I’ll bite.” She gives me a sharp smile. “What exactly does Imogen say?”
She’ll dismiss everything, I know it. But even a psychopath must flinch when they’re hit with the truth?
“She told me how you lost Mandy’s baby overboard from Simon’s yacht, the day before the murders. I know that’s true.”
Her eyebrows go up, but she says nothing.
“And then she tells me how you came back to the room you shared, and found her giving birth. To a baby she didn’t even know she was having. A cryptic pregnancy.”
I let her absorb the words. I’m close enough to see her pupils expand, the surprise dissipating backwards into her brain. But apart from that, the only physical reaction is a slight smile that creeps onto her lips.
“I see.”
“Then she told me how you helped her deliver the baby, she says you probably saved her life. But then the two of you were stuck. You’d lost Mandy’s baby, you knew how much trouble you were in for that, and she’s suddenly found herself with a child thatno one expected. That she couldn’t possible keep. And you found a solution, to both problems.”
“Oh yes? This is an interesting one. She’s told me some stories over the years, but I haven’t heard this one. What was this ‘solution’?”
“You thought you could swap the babies. Take Imogen’s newborn, and trick Mandy into believing it was her child, that you never killed her baby.” I try to put real force into my words, to make them sound convincing. But Mum’s smiling warmly now.
“Really.Really, Ava?” She shakes her head. “Well, tell me, how sensible does that sound? Do you think it’s an idea that anyone would think would work? Or is it the deluded fantasy of a deeply broken woman, addicted to a wide range of medication?—”
“But that plan didn’t go so well, did it, Mum?” I force my voice over hers, then don’t give her space to come back at me. “Because Mandy wasn’t as stupid as you thought she was. You’re right, no one could be, except that you were, because it was your idea.” I smile for a moment, then go on.
“Don’t beat yourself up, Mum. In your defence you were off your head on coke, and stressed up to your eyeballs. Everyone makes mistakes, even you.” I twist my own lips into a sarcastic smile now, and I see how much she hates it.
“Mandy saw at once that you’d given her the wrong baby, and I can imagine what happened next. She freaked out, didn’t she? She would have done, anyone would have done. And then you panicked and what, picked up the closest heavy object and smashed her over the head with it? What was it Mum, a lamp? I can’t remember what Imogen said, can you remind me?”
